To quite enjoy this even though it won't paint me in a good light

[Explaintome]

I didn't have a particularly happy school life. I was, in the parlance of the day, "a boffin", had my little group of friends but we were the misfits without much in common except that we had no one else. I didn't keep in touch with any of them after school.

I enjoyed, but wasn't good at sport and was teased for wanting to try and called names for studying hard and behaving well.

Anyway, 30 odd years on (yes 30!) I am an accomplished professional and run for a club at a decent standard, for my age.

My biggest tormentor has started coming to parkrun, where I am very much a part of the community, know lots of people and am (I believe) popular among them. I usually finish in the top 5 or so women, then enjoy coffee and chat with friends for an hour or so afterwards.

Tormentor comes alone and is a much slower runner than me. Exactly the person who parkrun is for and who I would usually make an effort to include and support.

Bearing in mind what happened, a really long time ago, I quite enjoy her seeing me thriving. She may be thirving too, butnits not obvious at pr. I'm polite in that I say hello, but make no further effort.

Obviously I'm not over my school life or I wouldn't care. I've succeeded professionally in the end, but at least the first decade (possibly two) of my working life was marred by three feeling that I would never be liked/respected/included, that in part came from how she and people like her treated me at school.

Am I really awful?

She may only remember you vaguely from school.

My eldest daughter was badly bullied, and it’s had a very long lasting effect. She’s 23 now and not achieved much despite winning countless awards for writing when she was younger. She has huge mental scars and physical ones too, the nasty little cows threw my very petite daughter down the stairs twice.

There is nothing I’d love more than for her to be successful, she’s such a lovely girl, and if those girls were to see, and be jealous, then that would be lovely too. Sadly it doesn’t look as if it will at the moment.

OP you enjoy your victory. Don’t be horrible, but carry on as you are. I’m proud of you.

I actually wrote to the woman who was my biggest tormentor at school (maybe 25 years ago at the time) and she said she couldn’t remember. This being the person who went to the blackboard when the teacher left the room and drew a diagram of my face complete with a label saying ‘3 inches of makeup’. Amongst other things.

I’m not sure I believed that she didn’t remember but she was so apologetic that I ended up feeling quite bad. I think it’s just that it never meant that much to them even though it was profoundly damaging to us.

Revenge of the nerds 🤣🤣🤣🤣 never knew that was a thing but I like it!!

op many people would feel like you. Unfortunately you have clearly hit a nerve with some posters and I can imagine why!

To me it is strange

and a bit sad 😁

it would be interesting to know what she thinks about it all , quite possibly …… nothing 😄

I was bullied at school too. Your story really made me smile. Enjoy it!

I think its fine @Explaintome. The point of an anonymous forum is that you get to say to a group of strangers what you wouldn't share in rl. I'm sure you are perfectly nice to her, and your "smugness", if that's what you want to call it, is more about you being proud about how far you have come, than thoughts of superiority. She reminds you of where you are compared to where you were.
My relative had a nice moment, she works the crime and punishment sector and her school bully came in front of her. My sister had to (got to) look her ex bully in the eyes declare that conflict of interest made it impossible for her to assist.

I've never actually seen it. The title is often appropriated to describe the sort of turn about in fortune the OP describes though.

@OhFatty that’s horrific! They could have killed her😔

“I think it’s just that it never meant that much to them even though it was profoundly damaging to us.”

I agree that this is often the case.

😄

I wonder if some of us "morally correct" ones have worked with kids from troubled backgrounds who don't always behave in the best ways as children? I know I have. It's really hard sometimes as the adult, knowing what you know about some kids' backgrounds and trying to get them to regulate their behaviour. I've worked with a teen who once gave the most foul-mouthed and raging outburst to another kid that you could think of. Most people (other younger teens) witnessing that would not have known that the kid's dad had been murdered in the most horrendous way 6 months previously, and would have been scared and intimidated by his behaviour. As the adult present you have to chastise that kid for the outburst while simultaneously weeping for them and their absolutely hideous personal life.

I would urge everyone never to feel smug about their own lives in comparison to someone else's. You never know what's behind it all.

I'm on your side , its not petty !
You may not have known what her home life was like but that absolutely does not justify her behavior towards you.
Rise above , be polite but nothing more unless you want to give more , i would imagine it took a long time to get over how you were treated , you owe her nothing.

You come across quite bitter to be honest.

She was a kid.

And yes, I'm sure she's thriving in areas you aren't and vice versa, that's life.

A bit judgemental there. And the background of a bully doesn't mitigate the experience of being bullied. Sounds like the OP has her life together with no growing up needed.

I don’t know about this . I actually feel really sorry for you. To the extent I feel uncomfortable reading this.

it’s that she impacted you so very much that thirty years later you are So desperate to think she thinks you did well. Even something so weird and significant as being popular at park run of all things or a fast runner, you feel as a big thing for you.

She’s so massively important to you still.

that’s just so utterly sad.

The irony of calling someone a moronic twat on a thread about bullying.

I know, but the film is quite unbelievably and offensively sexist and racist and it's all fine because the poor downtrodden nerds are doing it. The reviews at the time were scathing. I know it's a comedy and not real etc but it's obvious what the implications are.

Obviously I know this isn't at all what's meant by most people who refer to it. But it is interesting in that it does demonstrate how many people who consider themselves nerds really aren't any better, or even that different, to the "popular" kids. The guys who made this film obviously saw themselves as the nerds and their automatic sense of superiority really isn't that different to what they imagined the popular kids felt. And it led them to think this kind of thing is funny and acceptable...if nerds do it.

There's a cultural phenomenon of stories where it's fine to treat women like utter shit if it's a nerd doing it. It's very interesting.

Anyway, I'm digressing so I will leave that there. I hope it's obvious that there's no excuse for bullying. Just noting that nerdiness really doesn't automatically confer any kind of superiority. My nerdy clique, looking back, had just as much infighting and superiority complex as the cool crowd. The programme that actually explored this really well was Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

Did you really just call me stupid for not understanding this? On a thread about how it's fine to revel in someone having a bad time because they were a bully at school? Not sure why people are getting arsey with my posts which are genuinely questioning what it is I'm clearly missing here.

But on the other hand, if my post had read:

Go girl op! Trip her up! She's probably on drugs so you should yell at her and make sure you put it about that she's looking a right state too...

That is all completely normal and positive?

Op asked a pretty sensible question and got mainly noise saying "yes, race to the bottom, you owe her nothing, trip her up, karma's a bitch". Feel like I'm on a different forum

To me that shows what an utterly horrible bully and nasty person this woman was to op.

Being a nerd doesn't always make you a better person.

Kids can be awful, and not all of them have some excuse. Sometimes people are just horrible, kids included. There's nothing wrong with the OP rejoicing internally that she's in a good place in her life. So what if she gets a little thrill from noticing that she's a better runner than her old bully? Maybe the bully doesn't notice, much less care. Maybe the bully has a great life, too. OP can still feel pleasantly smug about her successes and the fact that she's faster than her old bully and has a group of better friends.

@SpeckledlyHen what in the name of God was that for?

I am not being fake confused. Op wasn't sure herself in her op and asked the question. I think it's more nuanced than the many, many clapping seal "go you" responses and that's what really confused me.

It's funny how two of you fearless bully (of 30 years ago) fighters have called me a name with an ableist edge. I haven't attacked anyone at all despite being on here from the beginning.

I was bullied for being smart, called a “swot”, ridiculed for doing homework and getting awards etc at school. A few years after I left I saw a girl who used to bully me working on a checkout in a shop, I purposely went to her till so she would have to serve me and see my staff ID with my job title on (I work in the NHS and the shop offered NHS discount) she looked mortified and I felt very smug. I don’t know if it was right to feel that way, but I felt like all the bullying I went through was worth it in the end and I came away feeling much happier.

I do wonder why some posters have name changed for this. 🤔 Would their other posts possibly reveal an unpleasant person?