Page 8 | Wedding guest drop outs

MrMrsJones · 2022-09-28T12:12:05+00:00

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out. Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening. Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago. I feel like sending them an invoice. AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

MyneighbourisTotoro · 30/09/2022 08:44

I don’t understand how anyone of them are being rude, you can’t help illness or jobs preventing time off, that’s out of their control.

Your “sort of dad” is a separate issues entirely though.

I hope you manage to fill the spaces, I’m sure you will still enjoy your day, don’t begrudge though who have genuine reasons to miss the wedding.

Tiredalwaystired · 30/09/2022 08:46

Entirely depends on the reason. We had EIGHT late drop outs at over £100 a head from ours

in one case one half of the couple had a heart attack two days before. Totally fair of course

in one family of four one of the kids was I’ll so they all stayed home. I agree the kid and one parent couldn’t have come but was peed off the other two couldn’t have come anyway

The other couple just didn’t show. No reason. I was livid and end of friendship.

we ended up “upgrading” some of the evening guests that we would have liked to have been there all day but hadn’t been able to afford so no money wasted in the end (quite funny watching two grown men eat chicken dippers and chips while the others tucked into roast chicken but at least they enjoyed the colouring books and crayons party bags)

Tiredalwaystired · 30/09/2022 08:46

Ill not I’ll. cheers autocorrect

Whataretheodds · 30/09/2022 08:48

MrMrsJones · 28/09/2022 13:37

Of course it's costing us, we won't get that money back from the venue.

Show quote history

But you were planning to pay that - with the exception of 1, possibly 2, all those who've dropped out have good reason. Would you rather they come ill and infect your guests?

If you're paying anyway then ask the hotel to ensure the spare food and wine is served.

BoxOfCats · 30/09/2022 08:53

HTH

time.com/5347133/sunk-cost-fallacy-decisions/

Sometimessometime · 30/09/2022 09:15

I had a uni mate contact me once and say something like: "hey mate, it's been ages hasn't it? I'm getting married on Saturday and know you always loved a good knees up so if you fancy coming along there's free grub and good music?" I couldn't make it in the end but I thought this was brilliant (and we kept in touch afterwards) - to use last minute drop ours to invite old friends who wouldn't expect an invite (because it really had been years) but who it would be nice to see. I suppose that's harder if you're younger though, as probably less of those

Banana2079 · 30/09/2022 09:36

It’s nice you pre-warn people six months in advance but it’s quite a long time in advance as someone outside I think about eight weeks is enough but regardless can you not find someone else to feel their place? Someone who would appreciate a day out? Maybe your neighbour ? Or ask If one of your guests have anyone else They’d like to bring

Banana2079 · 30/09/2022 09:36

You could ask your guests if they would like to bring someone else with them

Banana2079 · 30/09/2022 09:38

can I come lol I love weddings promise I won’t drop out

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/09/2022 09:38

Sound like reasonable reasons, tbh.
just don’t fancy it? Maybe they don’t want to give the real reason.
that’s life.

Rottenapples · 30/09/2022 09:39

I got married a month ago. We had 5 last minute drop out, which was more or less exactly what we were expecting. Just because 100+ people accept the invitation doesn’t mean none of them will fall sick/have urgent responsibilities that crop up !!! Of course things happen and we accepted that. We baked in the extra cost as part of our planning.

Meanderingpuppy · 30/09/2022 09:39

OP I feel your pain, but life happens and people have illness ect. We had 8 last minute drop outs. I think it is normal. Hope you enjoy your day

YouOKHun · 30/09/2022 09:48

I am wondering if people will be excusing themselves from events that will cost them to attend simply because they no longer have the funds for babysitters, hotels, petrol, presents. Six months ago many were in a more optimistic place. Now, even if they really want to attend a wedding they have to come up with an excuse like illness to avoid spending.

Whataretheodds · 30/09/2022 09:55

YouOKHun · 30/09/2022 09:48

I am wondering if people will be excusing themselves from events that will cost them to attend simply because they no longer have the funds for babysitters, hotels, petrol, presents. Six months ago many were in a more optimistic place. Now, even if they really want to attend a wedding they have to come up with an excuse like illness to avoid spending.

Absolutely they will.

Even before covid, the MN consensus for anyone wavering about an event was 'just don't go'

pattihews · 30/09/2022 10:14

Just a reminder, OP, that the cost of being a wedding guest far outweighs the individual cost to you. I'm recently back from a medium-sized family wedding held in a 4* hotel. Travel costs £160ish (trains and taxis). Outfit mainly recycled but a new jacket: £90. Hotel costs: £320. Gift to bride and groom: £245. Meals, drinks, snacks over the weekend: £60-ish.

I had a pleasant-enough time, but it was scarcely worth £800 and it was a reminder never to accept a weekend-away type wedding invite again.

You're not the only one doing the maths and feeling ripped off.

zizza · 30/09/2022 10:16

A couple of friends and I (from work) were "back up" people for a colleague. We had a great time and just laughed and teased him about us being an afterthought. We understood that numbers didn't allow us to be in the original list.

Have a great wedding OP

Delatron · 30/09/2022 10:22

Yes it costs lots to be a wedding guest. So decline the invite at the initial stage if you don’t want to stump up the cost.

Dropping out at the last minute with a lame excuse isn’t on.

neverbeenskiing · 30/09/2022 10:22

it's incredibly rude of them

To be ill? All those saying "how do they know they're still going to feel ill in 6 days time" are being overly simplistic. People with mental health difficulties, IBS, Endometriosis, disorders that cause chronic pain etc etc often have flare ups that they know are likely to last several days or even weeks. Maybe they don't know for sure that they will still be ill, but are worried that they could be, and thought OP would be even angrier if they dropped out closer to the time and wanted to give her the opportunity to invite someone else.

I don't think it's "incredibly rude" to put your job ahead of a social event either. All those saying employers always honour existing leave commitments. They should, but some don't or they make it difficult. It's a pain having to take time off when you've just started a new job and if invitations go out six months in advance a lot can change during that time. I wouldn't blame anyone for prioritising their work over a wedding in the current financial climate. People can't afford to take risks.

The person who just didn't fancy it is obviously rude, but the others have valid reasons. If you "send them an invoice" because they've had the audacity to be ill or working you will make yourself look like a spoiled child. You're having a midweek wedding, presumably to save yourself money which is fine, but inevitably makes it more difficult and expensive for many of your guests to attend. As others have said a few drop-outs are par for the course.

People need to understand that although their wedding might be the biggest thing going on in their life at that time, the same is not true for their guests.

yikesanotherbooboo · 30/09/2022 10:24

@pattihews @Whataretheodds
I am totally with you on this. Before the current crisis the cost to a wedding guest had become outlandish and I can easily remember even many years ago , turning weddings down if one didn't have local friends or family to stay with or perhaps just one of us attending to reduce costs.I never felt the need to buy new outfits and am glad to see the trend for guests renting dresses has taken off.I am always fascinated to read the wedding threads to keep up to date with current trends and am at the stage where my DC are in the throes of peak wedding attendance but there seems to be so much expectation on a perfect day that small disappointments get magnified which is a shame.
One of my DC is thinking about their wedding and I want to say, but am keeping stum , think of your guests.

neverbeenskiing · 30/09/2022 10:26

pattihews · 30/09/2022 10:14

Just a reminder, OP, that the cost of being a wedding guest far outweighs the individual cost to you. I'm recently back from a medium-sized family wedding held in a 4* hotel. Travel costs £160ish (trains and taxis). Outfit mainly recycled but a new jacket: £90. Hotel costs: £320. Gift to bride and groom: £245. Meals, drinks, snacks over the weekend: £60-ish.

I had a pleasant-enough time, but it was scarcely worth £800 and it was a reminder never to accept a weekend-away type wedding invite again.

You're not the only one doing the maths and feeling ripped off.

This. A relative of ours is planning a wedding and casually mentioned the other day that they're looking at wedding venues hundreds of miles away. They haven't seen one they fancy locally and apparrently it's fine because "everyone will just stay over and make a weekend of it". No regard whatsoever for other people's time, finances or commitments. We can afford it, but its a pain in the arse and we have family members who will really struggle.

XCTX · 30/09/2022 10:31

the job one I find bizarre as an excuse tbh and I would be annoyed at that

presuming they held their previous job six months ago and would have booked time off...move to new job and conversation is simple as this is my leave i had agreed in my previous role that I need honouring. I would have thought your wedding would be in there.

Is that not a business as usual conversation upon starting a new job anymore?

XCTX · 30/09/2022 10:32

I do agree though being a wedding guest is bloody expensive! Last one I went to cost me £300 between travel, gift, drinks etc.

Shiningstarr · 30/09/2022 10:38

We had two people just not turn up on the day. My sister in law's two grown up children. I can't even remember the excuse. It was £50 per head (wedding was 17 years ago) and I don't think sister in law had a clue that them not coming would mean money wasted. But then she's not very bright.

maddy68 · 30/09/2022 10:47

The elderly person I can understand not fancying it. My mum post covid has almost become agrophobic about big gatherings of people.

I do think it's affected people in different ways

mam0918 · 30/09/2022 11:02

Legally you cant send an invoice, they are not contractually obligated to attend and never agreed to any terms.

You are hosting them so the cost regardless is entirely on you, you cant suddenly make up terms and charge them because your mad.

It is rude when people drop out but thats just life, I had no shows on the day for no other reason than 'they didnt feel like coming'.