Wedding guest drop outs

[MrMrsJones]

So we are 6 days from our wedding and have 5 people drop out.

Everytime someone says they aren't coming it costs us £85 plus the evening buffet cost pp

We didn't want two tier guests so everyone is invited to the whole day and evening.

Invited a year a go and invites sent out 6 months ago.

I feel like sending them an invoice.

AIBU, you don't drop out 6 days before the whole thing happens

We were added on guests once because of drop outs, we loved it!

I don't get why people budget like this for weddings.

You have say, 5k to spend on food and drink. You spend 5k.

You didn't "lose" anything by the place not being filled. There are almost always drop outs. There's a flip point at which you stop looking at what you spent and who isn't coming, and just look ahead to enjoying the day with the people who are coming.

You'll enjoy yourself far more that way than agonising over the money you spent having been... Spent?

@BloodAndFire Maybe agonising was the wrong word. But still, most people have a cut off point with regards to numbers when they are paying per head. So someone who doesn’t turn up because they can’t be bothered is taking the space of another person. That’s the point. I was very happy with the amount I spent on my wedding thanks - was a wonderful day. Just a bit annoying if people bail at the last minute for flakey reasons. Even if I’d spent less it would still be annoying .

*Everyone saying you've already spent it - if you'd taken out 100 quid to buy something to treat yourself but it got stolen on your way to the shops you wouldn't be annoyed and would just say "ah well I'd taken the money out anyway."

That's nothing like this though. The wedding will still happen, all attending guests will eat.

With any event, a small minority will cancel. Illness and work can’t be helped, one guest was rude. These things happen, best not to let them bother you.

At our wedding, friends of DH couldn't come because the flights from their city to ours was too expensive. TOTALLY Fine.... except, they only called DH to tell him this on the MORNING of the wedding.

I think it's rude because in most cases, the bride and groom have had to cull some people from their lists and if they'd known that a guest just didn't feel like it, well then, that's a space they could have used elsewhere.

On the other hand, we weren't too out of pocket - DH's aunt decided to invite a friend of hers who knew DH from the "old days" and honestly thought we'd be thrilled by the surprise guest. The concept of, "we'd have invited her if we wanted her there" just didn't occur to her. On plus side, one of the memories of the day that makes me smile is this slightly older woman trotting across the reception venue with a chair so that she could squeeze in with the rest of DH's extended family. It was just so bizarre.

Op if there are other people you could invite, even a couple of plus 1s you can be 100% honest, you would have liked to invite them but were restricted by numbers, would they like to come?

We had six people drop out the morning of the wedding and all were at the same table. Didn't let it phase us just reshuffled and got on with the day. It is shit but it happens. The last few days before the wedding are stressful but honestly once the main people are there on the day you won't care. Congrats and have a wonderful day its over in a flash.

That wasn't a dig, it was honesty.

People haven't made the cut to your wedding know they're less important to you than the people you invited because of course you invited the important people. Anyone with commonsense understands its a numbers game.

In this scenario, if you invited me and I could make it, I'd come anyway. I'd accept we're not close but I'm first reserves for a party with food to see you do something lovely.

No because I'm your scenario I don't get my treat. In this scenario I get my wedding

Then don't accept the wedding invite. It's ridiculous to accept, send in meal details and then pull out last minute because you never intended to go.

But you don't know that the people she'd have cut for frilly bits would be the oens that pulled out. The can't be arsed guy is like family to her

I actually quoted this to disagree with it, haha! Bloody Mumsnet cut it off.

I went on to say that thinking about it like this isn't helpful. OP can I ly change her mindset about this situation, she can't change the situation itself.

I totally get this, it’s so irritating! I got married last year and luckily only had two drop outs, day before 😭 was a groomsman and partner, he had covid so nothing he could have done.

I would like to think there will be a genuine reason for such a late drop out

Slight over reaction there.

OP was worried they'd feel less important that the other guests. If you aren't invited to a wedding, of course you're less important to those guests. So she doesn't need to worry about them suddenly realising it when they get first reserves invite. She should just invite them and see if they care. Personally I'd happily go if I was that closeness.

If you think it would offend sone people more to be last minute invites, then inviting sone if your parents friends may be an option? They have probably heard tons about you over the years, seen you grown up maybe and would be thrilled to come (if local) as no expectation emote to be included.

I wouldn't mind being a last minute invite because I would understand not everyone can be invited and would be thrilled that they had thought of me and thought enough of me to realise I wouldn't be a twat about being a late invitee

Aargh! Sorry for the confusion then. I can see looking back it was someone else that said it. 😊

Annoying....we had a B list for this reason, people happy to come last minute! eg parents neighbours, work people

Well I guess you know how important you are to them.

So two have dropped out as not feeling very well. it’s 6 days away, unless they know what is making them “not feel very well” this sounds like an excuse they’ve made up

One had a new job who wouldn't let them have the time off, another excuse, I’ve never known a new employer fail to honour existing leave requests one is the partner of ill person they’re just as bad as their partner, excuses again, I’d ask to bring a friend and one just said they didn't fancy it. at least they’re honest

We had a few last minute drop outs with Covid, and our venue let us give their meals to the photographer, so at least we didn’t have to pay for their meals-maybe ask the venue if they can use the money elsewhere.

If anyone ended a friendship with me because I was a bit too poorly (but didn’t have a hospitalised relative or wasn’t struck down with “something terrible”) to drag myself to their self-indulgent party, then I’d consider myself well rid.

Sounds to me like most of the people complaining about drop outs are those who do weddings by numbers (150 guest, 100 guests, whatever) rather than by who they enjoy spending time with. I’d be far more disappointed not to get to spend time with my friends on a lovely day than “losing” the £85 I’d paid for them. I couldn’t possibly bring myself to be annoyed with them. And if I was annoyed, it would signal that I didn’t actually care that much about them anyway, and it would give me a reality check as to why I’d even invited them in the first place.

No-one has lost any money. A budget and number of guests was already set for the wedding - if it hadn’t been these people who dropped out, it would have been someone else, as evidence by the “spare” “extra” so-called friends being drafted in from somewhere else just to put bums on seats. I notice there’s no excitement about getting to invite new people the bride and groom are delighted to be able to now spend time with instead - it’s just an exercise in balancing the books in terms of cost versus value for money. Awful.

This is why I hate 99% of people’s weddings.

Ffs just enjoy your wedding op!

Could it be they can't afford to come? Ie no money for a present/drinks etc?

I'd probably say if you can come we'd love for you to be there, if you can't afford a present we understand?

Don't get me wrong I would be peeved too - it happened to us last minute but we managed to fill the spots with others.

I don't get why people budget like this for weddings

I do, but we didn’t. We arranged our wedding the same way as we would a big party, so it didn’t matter if we lost or gained a few along the way. There was a net gain in the end.