To not understand why double barrel surnames are so wrong/bizarre to some people?

[CarsonViolet]

So I recently registered the birth of my first child and gave him a double barelled surname. His name layout is Daniel Eric (My surname) (DHs surname). (None of these are actually my son's name just an example!)

In laws were visiting yesterday and were having a look at his birth certificate and were disappointed to see the surname. We did tell them that my name would be in there but apparently they just assumed it was a middle name 🙄

Cue all the 'concerns' and old fashioned twaddle about "It's just nicer and easier" and "what happens when he marries someone with a double barrel name" blah blah blah.

Am I being silly to have assumed that this crap was dead? Sure people have their own opinions on what they would personally do but to tell other people off about it?

Wanted a rant more than anything tbh but I just find it so bizarre that women wanting to share a surname with the child they carried and birthed is still contentious to some people 🤔

Double barreling is very common in Spain and Portugal, where there are almost as many divorces as marriages.

Snide. No need for that at all.

I always find this topic interesting. The majority of adult women having babies now either have their own dads last name or their husbands. Totally acknowledge that isn't the case for everyone but I assume it is for most people.
So I can't really get het up about it being a feminist issue when it's usually two blokes names you're fighting over anyway.

I have a double barrel name without a hypen and get lots of snide remarks about being a modern woman. The joy for me is telling them that is have been double barrel in my family since about 1787 so it's actually ancient. Takes the wind right out of their ignorant sails!

I think it was big once but people are beginning to cop on and just pick one name. It's very "try-hard" and a little cringe.

Amy Louise Robinson- Radford.

No Morto.

It often won't just be thier dad's name though will it? If thier mother made a decision to take her husbands name then it belongs to both parents when the child is born. So they both pass it on.

No. This is the classic mistake - why do you think a woman's name is her father's name? Why is it not just her name?

It's her father's birth name and her birth name so why do you automatically say it's his? Men don't own names! Without wanting to be rude, you need to check your internalised misogyny.

I’m not sure what the naming protocols of Spain have to do with a predominantly British forum, but in any case children in Spain take their grandfathers’ name, ie the name of the father’s father and the name of the mother’s father, so really not the great blow against the patriarchy one might like to imagine.

Are people really that bothered? I have never heard anyone say a negative word about anyone with a DB name, other than Rees-Mogg that is lol (but not name related I add)

It is up to you what you call your children, but the only thing that concerns me is the need for validation on this from you OP

Courage of convictions does not need validation. You do not need this thread

Plenty of people in the UK, especially in cities, have names that don't originate from the UK.

It’s the absolute height of pretentious twattery.

Well, exactly! I’m pregnant and getting married shortly. It’s depressing how many people assume lm taking my fiancé’s name and so is our child. We are going double barrelled. I’m the one who had had a world of IVF, been pregnant (it hasn’t especially agreed me so far!) and then will be giving birth. I don’t care if people thinks it’s stupid or an annoying fad

Quelle horreur!

The majority of adult women having babies now either have their own dads last name or their husbands.

You mean either their own dad's or their FIL's according to that logic. My name is mine just as much as DH's is his.

How is it 'depressing' what other people think? How do you know what people think, did you do a poll? Are you a mind reader?

I really wonder if this stuff actually matters to others as in does it even cross their mind to have an opinion? It is certainly not something that would come up on my radar on teh day to day

Do you normally suffer from poor mental health?

I have suffered Dysthymia all my life and do not understand this comment

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and on this thread as a whole-

I have to agree with what someone said above about people having courage of convictions, if people are so sure they are doing the right thing, they do not need to make a thread on Mums Net, to get validating for their choices - and when others do not agree do the old passive aggressive tone of patronising to death anyone who doesn't agree with what they need validating for

I am pretty sure that no one really cares that much / or minds

What validation am I seeking? I've made it quite clear that my choice is one that I'm very proud of. ( Hence why I've went through with it)

The only thing I sought from this thread was a bit of a discussion about why people care so much when other people they don't know do it. Unfortunately all I've had are responses that are silly to the point of being wilfully obtuse.🤔

Absolutely fine if DB names aren't for you in your particular situation. But I was hoping for at least a bit of insight as to why it's such a problem when other people do it.

...This post was a lot 😂

It would have never occurred to me that DB names are pretentious - its a name, so not anyone else's business.

But ongoing braggery, esp the above quoted post - is seeping with it - so to be fair, you are getting the responses that will come from that

It really is not a good personality trait

I always think it's interesting when women who clearly haven't kept their own names, double barrelled or any of the other things that get discussed around this topic feel able to come on and assure us that nobody really cares. Especially after a thread in which women who have done these things have shared experiences of people responding to their naming decisions by complaining, deliberately using incorrect names etc. Did you not read any of those posts, or did you just decide they weren't relevant?

My name is not on loan to me from a man. It's mine.

But let's take your point at face value for a moment. My family name invokes my life's history and those I grew up and shared it with. Yes, there was abuse in that past but that's even more reason for wanting to keep it. It shows what I've striven to overcome, my history, for better or worse, and how I intend to make a better fist of it than the father I happen to have inherited it from. It was also my mother's name and my brother's, and it's a link to the loving family bonds I shared with them.

Say, for the sake of argument, that certain MN posters insist that my name is my father's name (and my brothers') but not mine because I was born with XX chromosomes. Why, then, would I relinquish it in favour of my FiL's name, for that of a family with whom I don't share that same history? Albeit DH's family history is very colourful and fascinating, it still isn't mine.

It's entirely reasonable for a man to want to preserve those links, but not a woman? This argument makes simply no sense.

I'm not a fan of double barrel surnames personally. I find them clunky, long and a mouthful, which is why I didn't give my child one. I also feel sorry for the kid who has to learn to spell it.

But I don't care what other people call their kids. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Call your kid Bob Bobby-McBob if you want, I don't have to yell it up the stairs each night 😂

I think some people have offered you some insight. Albeit not what you wanted to hear
Therein lies the problem, it wasn't what you wanted to hear, sadly.

The validation you are seeking? Only you can answer that question in this instance

Personally I am glad you say you are proud, however - you do not display as someone who is sure of their choices, to an outsider. ie seeking validation, being defensive etc.

I am not meaning to attack you BTW, just saying what I see here

It's naff and pretentious. But people like to think it's forward thinking and "out there".

I have kept my own name, actually. Yes read them all

Sorry if none of that fits in with your agenda

You are the epitome of why double barreled names are pretentious, showy and utterly wannabe grandiose.

I wouldn't expect any less 😂