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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece + Nephew didn't say thank you for birthday money

137 replies

Irishfarmer · 26/09/2022 10:37

That pretty much AIBU that they didn't say thanks?

My niece + nephew both turned 18 in August. I posed them each a card with €40 but I never heard anything back. I was then down home at party over the weekend and met them. I was chatting to them and asked how their birthdays went, they celebrated together, and said 'did my cards arrive', niece 'ya it did', nephew just nodded. I'm a bit pissed off that they didn't say it did, thank you. It's a while since I was 18 but I am fairly sure I said thanks when someone gave me a card with money!

OP posts:
Keyansier · 26/09/2022 10:46

How rude.

pjani · 26/09/2022 10:47

Very entitled. I wouldn’t give them money again!

Hymnulop · 26/09/2022 10:47

YANBU

maybe make that the last bit of cash you send them. £40 is a bit tight for 18th birthdays to be fair (especially in Ireland where you seem to be based on euros and 'down home') but they still absolutely should have said thank you, both at the time you mentioned it and when they actually received it.

FuzzyPuffling · 26/09/2022 10:49

I don't think £40 is tight at all, and even if you'd given them a fiver each they should still have said thank you.

Hymnulop · 26/09/2022 10:50

FuzzyPuffling · 26/09/2022 10:49

I don't think £40 is tight at all, and even if you'd given them a fiver each they should still have said thank you.

In Ireland it's customary to be extremely generous for big events and birthdays - think £500 for weddings and similar for big birthdays. For my neices and nephews I usually give around £100 each for big birthdays - I'm still considered a baby of the family so I get away with that

Pemba · 26/09/2022 10:57

Yeah it's rude (or most likely just thoughtless) but a lot of people seem to be like that especially nowadays. Just don't bother giving them anything next time (further birthdays and Christmas). They are adult now.

But don't stress about it let it go. Don't stop talking to them for instance. You know you were a nice auntie, shame they couldn't show a few manners but ah well.

Original poster
Irishfarmer · 26/09/2022 11:17

@Hymnulop wow that is a lot!! I don't think I was being stingy certainly not in my circles anyway.

I'm currently on maternity leave but even if I wasn't I don't think they can have expected any more. For my 18th I got €20 in cards from family same for my 21st. I got married recently enough most couples gave between €50 - €200 as a present.

Ah I just don't think a little 'thank you' wouldn't have gone astray glad everyone seems to agree!

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 26/09/2022 11:19

Cant really see how £40.00 is "tight" TBH! It still seems rude not to say "Thank you"

Keyansier · 26/09/2022 11:20

Hymnulop · 26/09/2022 10:50

In Ireland it's customary to be extremely generous for big events and birthdays - think £500 for weddings and similar for big birthdays. For my neices and nephews I usually give around £100 each for big birthdays - I'm still considered a baby of the family so I get away with that

Show quote history

Sounds like I need to go to Ireland for my birthdays, Christmas and my wedding (and make sure I'm not there for anyone else's)

blockpavingismynightmare · 26/09/2022 11:26

Whether they think £40 is not enough or not they still should have said 'thank you' and if they did not, their parents should have made sure they did. No excuse for ignorance.

Womencanlift · 26/09/2022 11:28

Are you sure they actually got the cash? Plenty of stories about cash being taken from cards on the way to the sender

lickenchugget · 26/09/2022 11:28

Yanbu, DN and DN’s on DH’s side are the same; presents just disappear into the vacuum. I’ll be leaving it to DH so they won’t be getting anything next time.

adriftabroad · 26/09/2022 11:30

Crikey, on facebook people thank each other for birthday messages.

How rude of them.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 26/09/2022 11:31

At that age they just forget to say thank you to everyone or maybe they’re used to their mammy doing it for them? They’ll probably come right in a few years.

MumCanIDoThat · 26/09/2022 11:41

Yanbu that's rude. A gift is a gift. I wouldn't bother sending anything again.

cstaff · 26/09/2022 11:42

I have a niece like that who is a similar age. A few years ago I sent a card with money to her via my sister who I had met up with and heard nothing back from my niece. I was talking to my sis a few weeks later and just asked if she had given DN the card. She got the hint and I got a very late text from my niece later that day. This was something our mother bet into us as kids and back then we didn't have it as easy as sending a text - we had to make real phone calls...

2bazookas · 26/09/2022 11:48

How rude.
I sent my neice birthday money every year (notes in the bday card) she never once acknowledged or thanked me for. When she was about to be 18, her mother rang to remind me it was The Big Birthday and her daughter was saving for a car so hoping I'd be extra generous. I sent a sizeable cheque in the card, which still resulted in no acknowledgement or thanks from the new adult so I just stopped sending money (and birthday cards).
.

LilacPoppy · 26/09/2022 11:49

Cash is often stolen in the post.

RainbowsMoonbeams · 26/09/2022 11:51

My first thought was it could have been stolen in the post.

Ny aunt is one for sending cash in the post, and it has sadly happened a few times.

Can you ask their parents? It would be a shame for you to think they were being rude if they aren’t.

Aubriella · 26/09/2022 12:04

YANBU, they were very rude. But thankfully they are now 18 and you don’t have to buy give them any more presents.

Antarcticant · 26/09/2022 12:12

YANBU - they should have messaged thanks on receipt but failing that, unbelievable that they didn't mention it next time they saw you.

AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 26/09/2022 12:13

Hymnulop · 26/09/2022 10:50

In Ireland it's customary to be extremely generous for big events and birthdays - think £500 for weddings and similar for big birthdays. For my neices and nephews I usually give around £100 each for big birthdays - I'm still considered a baby of the family so I get away with that

Show quote history

How do people in poverty manage that? Just get further into debt? Madness.

BakedTattie · 26/09/2022 12:16

I would have pulled them up on it there and then.
when they said they got the card, I’d have asked if they had anything special planned for the money. And then done the whole child like “and what do you say…..?”

literally forced them to say thank you 😂

Jenn500 · 26/09/2022 12:21

They probably received a lot of gifts and money so didn’t remember whether you gave money or not.

Takingturnstogether · 26/09/2022 12:24

My nieces and nephews are the same. After years of this I no longer give them presents.

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