Niece + Nephew didn't say thank you for birthday money

[Irishfarmer]

That pretty much AIBU that they didn't say thanks?

My niece + nephew both turned 18 in August. I posed them each a card with €40 but I never heard anything back. I was then down home at party over the weekend and met them. I was chatting to them and asked how their birthdays went, they celebrated together, and said 'did my cards arrive', niece 'ya it did', nephew just nodded. I'm a bit pissed off that they didn't say it did, thank you. It's a while since I was 18 but I am fairly sure I said thanks when someone gave me a card with money!

I remember my mum telling me that she'd stopped sending money to her two nieces as they no longer thanked her

In your case.. It's very rude and shows a total lack of respect. They just take it for granted by the sounds of it, it also sounds as though neither of them can string a sentence together. Not surprised they don't contact you

Going forwards I wouldn't be sending any more money

I had similar with a colleague of mine at work. My DS is friends with her DS, so we put a card through the door on his 9th birthday, with a tenner inside. His mum never said anything, so I asked if he'd enjoyed his day, and she said what he did and where they went. Oh, and did I put the card through the right door, I asked? "You did, yes". So rude.

How rude!

Looks like you’ll be £80 up when they turn 21

YANBU

@2bazookas That is just so rude of your sister and niece!!! I'd be fuming if I were you!! Some people are just rude CFs! My kids always used to write thank you cards and now they text people to say 'thank you'. It doesnt matter what the amount is either & I can believe people are saying €40 is a low amount to give!

My first thought is: did you put cash in or a cheque?
because if you put cash iin, they probably didn't even receive the money.

You only asked if they got the card not the money.
you should follow up and check the money was in the card.

That's rude - but we don't get thanked by Hs niece and nephews either. I send thank you cards for gifts and insist that DS does as well. DHs aunt said to me that were the only ones who the k her for the money - she sends cash to 16 of them and only gets one thank you!

It is a failure of their parents - my SIL and BIL didn't bother when the kids were small so no one taught their kids that's what's expected.

Yep rude.

I often send money for birthdays and rarely get a thanks from the child - and mean as in secondary school /teenager age so quite capable of picking up their phone to say thank you even if a text

annoys me as well

I make sure that my 5yr when gets pressies /cash sends a video usually just saying thank you and send it

it’s good manners

That is quite something!

I think 18 is a convenient age to stop sending birthday/Christmas gifts to nephews & nieces anyway. They’re adults now.

It’s not tight at all.

They’re very rude.

I would be mortified if my DC didn't say thank you for a gift.

My gran sent my cousin money every Xas and birthday and she never got a thank you. Cousin lives in the USA so she rarely saw her, so a phone call would hardly have killed her (I still write thank you notes and will make my kids do it too).
Breaks my heart to think of my gran going down town to get the money out the bank and exchange it, knowing it will just be spent with no thank you.

I can't understand posters trying to link the amount of money to the amount of thanks expected.

If it was 10p, you should have been thanked because it's not the amount, it's the fact that someone gave you anything at all.

OP. They sound like rude little shits and I sincerely hope that you won't be sending them as much as a card for Christmas.

If you feel that you must get them something, tie a beautiful big ribbon around your boot and give them a swift festive kick up the arse.

£40 is a bit tight for 18th birthdays to be fair (especially in Ireland where you seem to be based on euros and 'down home') but they still absolutely should have said thank you, both at the time you mentioned it and when they actually received it

no it is not and I'm Irish. 40 quid is almost 50 euro and most of my gifts at my 21st were not over 50 euro. Many give me 21 euro and I was very happy with that.

In Ireland it's customary to be extremely generous for big events and birthdays - think £500 for weddings and similar for big birthdays. For my neices and nephews I usually give around £100 each for big birthdays - I'm still considered a baby of the family so I get away with that

I am Irish and this is bollox. 500 quid for a big birthday wouldn't happen nor does it happen at weddings.

How do people in poverty manage that? Just get further into debt? Madness

again I am Irish and this poster is fill of shit, at birthdays we gave each other a lotto ticket or scratch cards or something small. I've yet to see anybody give or receive near to 500 quid as a present. It's nonsense.

YADNBU @Irishfarmer
They were very rude. You receive a gift it's just basic good manners to say thank you.
I stopped giving my nieces n nephews birthday gifts at 21 years old. They were given £100. They are now adults and therefore do not require gifts every birthday.

I'm still waiting on a thank you from my cousin for her wedding present over a year ago so I'm guessing nobody says thank you any more

Weddings are somewhat different as you go to the wedding itself so it wouldn't bother me somebody not saying thanks and you leave the present there. But it's different when you post it especially to a birthday.

Also it just doesn’t matter. If everyone else gave you hundreds of pounds for a gift and one auntie gave you £20 you still say thank you for my £100 grandma, thank you for my £20 auntie. Even if it was normal in your family to be given hundreds it doesn’t mean you don’t have to thank somebody for a ‘lesser’ gift.

I’d find it very rude and I’d be considering ending gift giving now - if they haven’t learned to say thank you by age 18 I doubt they’ll suddenly realise at 19.

Exactly this. I feel so bad for my elderly mum when she doesn’t get any kind of thank you. It’s a real effort for her to buy, wrap and send a present and then… silence.

This year I didn't get one single thank you, like it's just expected I'll be sending it. I've told my DSs that this is the last year I'm doing it ( I don't have DC) and won't expect anything for birthdays either. It's so rude to not even get a thanks

I recall at aged 11 I went away on a week seaside trip with my mum's best friend and sister. Their 2 nephews came too-one aged 12, the other 17.

When we got back I was in my mum's friends house waiting to be picked up, the 2 nephews had gone home. My mum's friend was on the phone to her brother, father of the 2 boys, and she said ''we took your sons everywhere, cooked them dinner and bent over backways for them and not one thank you or they wouldn't as much as offer us 1 of their sweets when they bought them. You have raised 2 selfish ungrateful and spoilt sons''. And she hung up the phone.

I was shocked and said ''thank you for the holiday.''. She said ''you don't have to as you thanked us all holiday and even bought us a present, you have manners, it's my 2 nephews that don't and you don't have to apologise for them.''

*Also it just doesn’t matter. If everyone else gave you hundreds of pounds for a gift and one auntie gave you £20 you still say thank you for my £100 grandma, thank you for my £20 auntie. Even if it was normal in your family to be given hundreds it doesn’t mean you don’t have to thank somebody for a ‘lesser’ gift.

I’d find it very rude and I’d be considering ending gift giving now - if they haven’t learned to say thank you by age 18 I doubt they’ll suddenly realise at 19*

exactly again an Irish person I received a laptop for my 21st, this was from all my siblings and my parents and it must have being 50-60 euro each at most.

My friends gave me a card whith about 150 euro between 8 of them or so at my 21st. But 500 quid-this never happens.

Last year at my birthday my mum sent me 2 cadburys caramel bars-about 3 quid in total and I was very grateful. Other years I got a euromillions ticket from family worth about a fiver and very grateful.

Why are there so many rude young adults??

Why are there so many rude young adults

just look at this thread, mn and society in general, Rudeness comes at all ages love x

I don't think that rudeness is linked to a specific age. Young teenagers are perhaps particularly likely to be rude (and always were) but I've known rude young adults, and rude older adults, and polite young adults, and polite older adults.

I’d ask them if they’d actually received the money. My husband’s aunt sent my children cash in a card and the envelope arrived ripped with the money missing. I think it happens a lot.