Niece + Nephew didn't say thank you for birthday money

[Irishfarmer]

That pretty much AIBU that they didn't say thanks?

My niece + nephew both turned 18 in August. I posed them each a card with €40 but I never heard anything back. I was then down home at party over the weekend and met them. I was chatting to them and asked how their birthdays went, they celebrated together, and said 'did my cards arrive', niece 'ya it did', nephew just nodded. I'm a bit pissed off that they didn't say it did, thank you. It's a while since I was 18 but I am fairly sure I said thanks when someone gave me a card with money!

I struggle with this, I very rarely get a thank you for birthday/Christmas gifts from my nieces/nephews.
The older ones 16/18 are the worst.
Im tempted to not get them anything for Christmas this year and if something gets said just say I assumed they hated all the gifts I've ever brought them as they've never ever said thank you!

I find lack of thanks comes from the parents. The type who watch the TV when you are round. Who put their own needs first. It's not exactly their fault. But still shit. €40 each is very very generous from an Aunt. You've done nothing wrong but can't really change their upbringing.

I find this with my younger relatives these days. I think it’s becuase no one young writes letters so thank you notes or letter is just gone by the wayside now. Same as getting birthday cards or Christmas cards. But for I’ll get a text with suitable emojis and a mini conversation - which is actually nicer than random moonpig card. But I don’t think that has “taught” this texting generation how to do “thank you” letters for presents by text as routine- it’s got missed somewhere in the new rules of etiquette 🤷🏼‍♀️

@BuildersTeaMaker I honestly wouldn't mind a WhatsApp message saying thank you - or even one saying Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas!
But it's the complete lack of communication.

YANBU- they were rude and clearly aren’t well brought up.

Don’t send them money or gifts again.

My niece and nephew are exactly the same, in fact I find them pretty rude in general. It annoys me but I can’t be bothered to get worked up about it.

That’s the point I’m making!

I find it so hard to understand how people can't nudge their siblings to get their nieces & nephews to say thanks. Or do you and they just ignore? Or am I just annoying?

@Hymnulop i don't think 40 is tight at all for 18th birthday, and I'm from Ireland too, 21st obviously would get more but 40 is perfectly adequate for 18th, its not as big a thing as 21st over here. And yes they still should have said thanks, i have noticed this a lot recently with younger people, its kind of a given, you buy them a drink or pizza and barely an acknowledgment. I have it drummed into my kids head to say thanks all the time and to text and ring too. Hopefully it will stay with them when they're older.

When my DC were little they made video thank you messages for me to Facebook/WhatsApp. Now they're teens they obviously refuse to do that, so I ask them to send a message or thank the person if they'll see them, but I don't think they always do. I encourage/remind them, but can't force them to do it.
I wouldn't expect anyone to keep sending money if my DC didn't thank them though, and I'm really disappointed in them that they don't.
It's not limited to teens either - we've recently had a few 50th birthdays and not received thanks for a few of those presents, and I thought I'd chosen really appropriate presents that they'd love!

It's the last time you hand over cash. They won't ever realise the correlation between getting money and saying thank you, but YOU'LL know, which is all that matters.

When we were kids we wrote down every present we got from relatives so we could thank them.
Manners today with some have gone downhill.
Ask them outright shame them into saying thanks.

Sending thank you letters and notes used to such a chore, but now it's so easy as most people would be happy with a WhatsApp message with maybe a nice photo of them celebrating or whatever. There is no excuse at all for this, they are rude. Also, the amount you gave them is entirely irrelevant to this!

They were rude. It's polite to say thankyou however much you give them.

Maybe that was all she could afford ?

I’m from Ireland and hardly anybody I know gifts that much money because they couldn’t afford it.
If you give someone cash as a gift, you usually give a lot (too much imo, I am always a bit pissed off when dh gives 50 or 100 quid to his nephews, they’re kids and don’t need that much. They have saved up literally €1000s in the bank just from birthdays and Xmas, communions and confirmations).
If you don’t want to give cash, you just buy a gift you can afford.

Bloody hell. Alright if you can afford it! For some people giving €40 in a card means making cut backs elsewhere!
don’t be so judgmental please. It’s not right OP. You must be glad you didn’t give them any more than that. I don’t like how the above message implies the reason they probably didn’t say thanks is because you didn’t give them “enough” money.

my nieces and nephew do this all the time. I send them something and they don’t thank me, well not until I see them in person months later.

Same with most of our nieces & nephews, I think it's mire thoughless than deliberately snubbing.
I get my kids to write letters to granny's or send a text when the getany sort of gift

As other people have said, are you sure they got the money ?

Is this "in character" - what you would normally expect from them (presumably you have given them other things in the past) ?

If you're sure they got it and you resent the lack of thanks maybe it's a opportunity to stop giving them presents on their birthday/Christmas if they are not appreciated.

I think kids find it very hard to understand sometimes what represents a "good" present, especially if their parents are loaded and are giving them plenty of cash.

It takes time to develop the life skills to realise that £40 from someone who is maybe a bit more financially challenged can be worth more than £500 from someone who isn't.

In Ireland it's customary to be extremely generous for big events and birthdays - think £500 for weddings and similar for big birthdays.

As others have said, this is not commonplace in Ireland.

I'm in Dublin. It's absolutely not standard to give gifts of that magnitude at all.

My siblings don't typically give to my DC unless they are godchildren. Perfectly standard.

Are you sure they got the money and it wasn’t stolen they don’t think they just got cards?

Did you send actual cash?

I’m thinking she did and it may have been stolen. Personally if I’m giving someone a cash gift I transfer it,

Did the money arrive with the card?
Lots of money goes missing in the post.