To have no sympathy for DS

[chucklesatwork]

DS is 17, he has a very on/off relationship with his ex and she blocks/unblocks him constantly, DS really likes her so he won't block her and everytime she unblocks him, he thinks this time they'll get back together etc.

I put £80 in his account a month for food at college, the bus etc. He knows this money isn't for anything else. This morning, he told me he needs more money, I asked him why as I only put some in a few weeks ago so he should have some left, after a lot of ‘i don't knows’ he told me his ex asked for £50 and he gave it her and they spoke for a bit until a few days later she asked for more and he said he didn't have it, and she blocked him a few days after that.

I have no sympathy for him as he knows this money is for college but DP (not his dad) has said I'm BU as DS is upset and he has ADHD which makes him more vulnerable.

AIBU?

What is your priority, being a grade A jerk?

She's using him, the next time she unblocks him he needs to block her and have done with her.

@Isaidnoalready

Well I would have zero sympathy but buy him a bus ticket and give him sandwich stuff to make himself lunch no more cash

^^ This and a painful lesson learnt. I would also contact the parents, but expect to be disappointed. And I would make sure he knew she was banned from the house.

Your poor lad,OP. She sounds a right nasty madam. Thing is ,he will have to realise himself. I agree with other PP's ; bus ticket, lunch made up to eat , small flask of hot chocolate etc
Do he have a part time job ,Op? Nothing like earning your own cash to develop a sense of intolerance for grifters.

I'm with you OP. Hard lesson for sure, but its easy to give money away when you never feel the consequences.

I think you did the right thing. He won’t listen to you, he won’t listen to his friends and he won’t even listen to her saying “Leave me alone!”. He needs to learn to respect people’s boundaries and to respect himself. The only way that is going to happen is if he learns to stand on his own two feet.
Maybe it’s time he got himself a part time job. Then he won’t have enough time to obsess over her, and he might have a better understanding of the value of money.

£80 is on the low side have you helped him claim pip? Does he not get a bursary as you are a low income family.

The wording of her message about the money is really odd and controlling. I would speak to her parents. I would want to know if my DC was behaving this way. YANBU to be annoyed but he is obviously struggling in this ‘relationship’ so YABU not to be sympathetic about that.

I think the OP knows her son best.

If she feels that it's probably best to let him feel the consequences this time, she's probably right.

Kids with additional needs are so easy to take advantage of tho

I'd sort him out this time and explain the consequences of falling for this again

I couldn't turn my back. I never have with my adult dc. They've both become self sufficient but I can't see what good making g the lad live on nothing will do ?

I have ADHD and agree with the PPs who say give the money little and often rather than monthly.

I'm amazed that he's only run out of money once before when he bought a game. Sounds like he's been doing great.

I fell in love for the first time at 17. I would have done anything for that guy, it was embarrassing. And the RSD was crippling back then.

Cut him some slack. And learn more about ADHD.

Ahh poor kid. He tried to do what he thought was right and got his heart broken again and is now down £50. He’s young and hasn’t worked out the ways of the world yet. Id give him the £50 again on this occasion and let him know that it won’t be happening again if the situation repeats itself. Imagine the stress he was under trying to work out how to deal with getting to school etc on £30 for the rest of the month, then having to tell you about it when he knew you’d be cross. It’s a mistake, but glad it’s one he made early rather than later on in life when proper amounts of money could have been lost