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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guys who slide into DM's

187 replies

madasacatter · 24/09/2022 21:21

I had a guy slide into my DM's twice and whilst this isn't the first guy to or even that bad in what he said, something about this one irked me and I feel like as it's obvious from his profile that he has a long-term partner/wife that I should send a screenshot to her.

YABU - It's none of my business, don't send anything
YANBU - Send her a screenshot, she deserves to know about his behaviour

OP posts:
TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 25/09/2022 23:19

SarahDippity · 24/09/2022 23:58

Why are people’s replies being so disingenuous? This is a well-known phrase, as explained early in the thread, so why continue to claim to not know what it means?. It is unpleasant and unsettling when people use a social media platform to attempt to cosy up and make direct contact for personal chats. I use LinkedIn and Twitter for work, and only for work, so my direct messaging (DM) is open. Similarly here on Mumsnet my dms are open. But I don’t expect or want people to sidle in and attempt to strike up social chats with me, and it’s irritating when men (and it’s always men) do so to chat me up.

This week, someone from uni DM’d me when she saw on LinkedIn I’d got a new job and wanted to reconnect with me - appropriate use. Someone else contacted me to offer a professional service - appropriate use. A randomer dm’ing me to tell me I’ve beautiful eyes - inappropriate use.

That's rather the point!

it's not as well known a phrase as some of you would like to believe. Many of us hadn't heard if it, nor do we want to start speaking utter jibberish.

MN is a chat forum, the common language is English. It's not a 'look At Mee SM site & so if you exoect to be understood, speak English, not some jargon from Insta & Twitter.

WilsonMilson · 25/09/2022 23:20

Was it Adam Levine? 😆

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 25/09/2022 23:24

cherry2727 · 25/09/2022 00:47

Why are some people being hypocritical on here? This is coming from a site where users use acronyms such as DM, DH,FIL etc!
Op - this occasionally happens to me and I just block and move on! No point messaging their partners !

It's not hypocritical to use established 'site acronym's on the site, but not know WTF someone is on about when they use phrases many people haven't heard of.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 25/09/2022 23:26

I know what it means and I'm 44. I'd just ignore and block

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 25/09/2022 23:39

SleepingAgent · 25/09/2022 11:04

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination really? You sound old before your time. It's hardly a "yoof" phrase.

I'm mid 50's only really use MN and Facebook and have heard this phrase for years and years. It's very commonly used in all sorts of mainstream reporting, especially on scandals/affairs. I don't follow celebrity stuff much at all but it's been around all types of media for ages.

I don't have FB
nor do I read salacious gossip about affairs & scandals. It doesn't interest me. Neither does insta, nor TikTok.

if you think that makes me old before my tine - fine, it's preferable to being a try hard.

theGreatYuan · 25/09/2022 23:55

Getoff · 25/09/2022 11:28

I'd never heard this expression before. For those who think this makes me unusually ignorant, I've just used the Mumsnet search box and apparently this thread is the only one in the past year that contains the expression.

It might be interesting for people to say where they have come across it. I don't do Facebook, twitter or instagram. Apart from mumsnet i'm on an investing forum, and I use Youtube, that's about it.

Anyone over about 35 will probably only come across it on memes and reality tv shows.

I'm hoping that somebody makes a post of other modern, common phrases now. Would be interesting to see how many of them haven't made it to mumsnet yet! Things like on fleek, spill the tea, stan, sent for.

PyongyangKipperbang · 25/09/2022 23:57

I have had one in the last two weeks on MN......clearly a creep but trying to act like he isnt. Several messages the first I replied too as they seemed innocuous and the last two that I have ignored. (I posted about a dress a couple of weeks ago, if anyone remembers I went as a rather OTT rock chick!)

VoiceOfCommonSense · 26/09/2022 02:54

I guarantee if he was nice looking / rich and she was single then she wouldn’t have a problem with it. Double standards..

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 02:56

Oh god women who moan about this annoy me
ignore or turn your settings off

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 02:57

ManateeFair · 25/09/2022 11:37

The irony of Mumsnetters - whose entire language consists of tedious abbreviations like ‘DH’, ‘LTB’, ‘AIBU’, and ‘TTC’ - sneering at other people for using social media shorthand as if that makes them terribly silly and common is incredible. Get over yourselves.

This. Mumsnet abbreviations are so cringe

LunaAndHerMoonDragons · 26/09/2022 03:02

BigFatLiar · 24/09/2022 21:42

I thought they were going to visit her dear mother.

I was tossing up doc martens and hoping it wasn't guys who slide into dear mums, as that sounds quite icky.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2022 05:45

@VoiceOfCommonSense

I guarantee if he was nice looking / rich and she was single then she wouldn’t have a problem with it. Double standards..

Jeez you are at it again Voice. Stop trying to blame @madasacatter! He may be "nice looking / rich" but the problem is the one OP is commenting here on she thinks he is already in a relationship. What "double standards" are you talking about?? And why do you keep commenting as though you know what the OP thinks or does?

From your comments I am wondering if you are male and/or not much of a SM user unless you are one of these random messengers?. I barely use SM too (with privacy settings fully on) and am in my 50's but often get unwanted overly friendly messages from men - unfortunately it is not a rare event nowadays. I am not interested in their looks or wealth or anything about them - I don't want this kind of communication ever especially from random strangers. And believe me my bikini days are far behind me.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2022 05:54

@ChutneyVirgin

Oh god women who moan about this annoy me
ignore or turn your settings off

OP's not moaning about this she is irked that he appears to have a partner but is sending out unsolicited messages to women or at least a woman and she's asking a question on AIBU.

Personally I would block and move on, but it's perfectly reasonable to start a thread about it IMO

AmberGer · 26/09/2022 06:00

DM is the new PM
I don't know why it changed tbh

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 06:02

Mothership4two · 26/09/2022 05:54

@ChutneyVirgin

Oh god women who moan about this annoy me
ignore or turn your settings off

OP's not moaning about this she is irked that he appears to have a partner but is sending out unsolicited messages to women or at least a woman and she's asking a question on AIBU.

Personally I would block and move on, but it's perfectly reasonable to start a thread about it IMO

His marital status is none of her business, she either accepts a message or she doesn’t

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 06:15

AmberGer · 26/09/2022 06:00

DM is the new PM
I don't know why it changed tbh

No, every other big site uses DM and it’s a very common and popular used phrase, the sliding thing .

AmberGer · 26/09/2022 06:22

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 06:15

No, every other big site uses DM and it’s a very common and popular used phrase, the sliding thing .

Show quote history

But it used to be PM on all sites before it changed to DM.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2022 06:32

He wants to take it further @ChutneyVirgin and he's in a relationship - that's the issue. Bit like a married person taking off their wedding ring to flirt/possibly hook up with other people. Like I said before, I would ignore, but on here I am in the minority

ChutneyVirgin · 26/09/2022 06:46

Really? Not that I’m aware of.

Calandor · 26/09/2022 09:32

'Sliding into your DMs' is a phrase that means a man is direct messaging you in either a sexual way or to initiate dating. It's a popular slang term.

dudsville · 26/09/2022 09:43

AloysiusBear · 25/09/2022 11:35

Dudsville where have you heard it then? Where does it get widely used?

I wonder if its a regional thing. Im in the south east (London commuter belt).

I can't recall when I first heard it. I remember it being used in the song Juice by Lizzo. I just checked it's release date, that was 2019. But I wasn't confused by the line :

"Somebody come get this man,
I think he got lost in my DMs, what? My DMs, what?
You better come get your man
I think he wanna be way more than friends, what?
More than friends
What you want me to say?"

I completely understood what was being sung about even though I don't use that kind of SM, if you listen you hear new things cropping up all the time.

AlwaysMunching · 26/09/2022 09:51

I hadn't heard this phrase before but I haven't got Instagram, that's not sneery. Lots of people on other sites wouldn't know MN phrases. People living down South might not understand Scottish phrases, etc.

For me the difficulty understanding the phrase is that there isn't any context to it so it's hard to work out. If it was 'sent me a DM' I would have worked out what DM probably meant, or if it was 'slid into my mailbox' or something I could have worked that out. 'slide into my DMs' without context doesn't mean anything. That's not 'faux' ignorance at all.

Anyway, if I didn't know the partner personally, no I probably would take a bit of a coward's way out and just not reply and block him. Horrible creep!

Aprilx · 26/09/2022 09:51

I still don’t know what slide into my DMS means, I had hoped OP might clarify but she hasn’t. I took DM to be dear mother, so that added to confusion.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2022 09:54

@Calandor explained the meaning just three posts up from yours @Aprilx

picklemewalnuts · 26/09/2022 09:58

I think 'sliding into DMs' is a great way of insinuating unwelcome messaging. It completely catches the 'Hey, Babe!' vibe of an unsolicited approach.