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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Guys who slide into DM's

187 replies

madasacatter · 24/09/2022 21:21

I had a guy slide into my DM's twice and whilst this isn't the first guy to or even that bad in what he said, something about this one irked me and I feel like as it's obvious from his profile that he has a long-term partner/wife that I should send a screenshot to her.

YABU - It's none of my business, don't send anything
YANBU - Send her a screenshot, she deserves to know about his behaviour

OP posts:
VoiceOfCommonSense · 25/09/2022 05:20

Oh no poor me, I get messages from men after posting pictures of myself in a bikini 😐

Mothership4two · 25/09/2022 05:31

Where did @madasacatter say anything about wearing a bikini @VoiceOfCommonSense ?

She is directly messaged by a man probably with a wife/partner and it's her fault?! There's a word for that

butterfliedtwo · 25/09/2022 05:47

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 24/09/2022 21:40

Why can’t people just say ‘sent me a message’. ‘Slide into my DMs’ is annoying AF

It really is.

I'd ignore. I tend to block right away.

NotBadConsidering · 25/09/2022 05:53

I thought this would be a thread about the time Jolyon Maugham tweeted “resisting the temptation to slide into your DMs” to Shon Faye, because that’s the only time I’ve ever seen the phrase used in real life.

Fadeout83 · 25/09/2022 06:08

Was it Adam Levine by chance?

Barnowl25 · 25/09/2022 07:18

@SarahSissions exactly.

63 here and know what it means.

Original poster
madasacatter · 25/09/2022 07:35

Wow so this has quickly turned into an AIBU about the phrase used. I'm loving and cringing at some of the interpretations!

This guy and I briefly messaged about 2 years ago for a landscaping quote and about a week ago he popped back up saying something like 'Hi sry but looking hot nice lady 👍👍' and I ignored after scrolling back to work out how he was even able to message me. He messaged again yesterday similarly.

For those critiquing my privacy settings or alleged choice of attire (its in no way true for those thinking but not saying these kind of things), get over yourselves! His behaviour is his behaviour and not as a result of me simply existing, would you say something similar if this happened in the street?? It smacks of "but what were you wearing?" victim blaming sigh

OP posts:
hadtochangetothisone · 25/09/2022 08:33

I would give someone with such a poor ability to string a sentence together grammatically , a very wide birth.

'But looking hot ' ? Starting a sentence with a conjunction should be and arrestable offence. Beginning a conversation after a two year gap with 'but' is just weird.. but what ?

In a serious note.. I don't know why you are so bothered by this. If you know he has a partner just ignore or tell him to fuck off. Why do you want more drama in your life than that. ? The messages are 'flirty' but no more than that. If you send to his partner you will be the messenger who gets shot.

If you had been sleeping with him, while he pretended to be single - and subsequently found him to have a partner then you would have a justification for telling her but this is not it .

MrsTimRiggins · 25/09/2022 08:38

Fadeout83 · 25/09/2022 06:08

Was it Adam Levine by chance?

He gets around, the rascal 😂

this thread is mumsnet at its peak in faux ignorance and implied superiority for not having or getting social media 🙄

men are gross quite often, that’s kind of what they do unfortunately. Honestly I think I’d just block him myself.. but I can understand wanting to send it to his partner. The messenger would be shot, I think.

bozzabollix · 25/09/2022 08:44

I’m only a size 5. A bloke would have to be titchy to slide into my DMs.

Ameanstreakamilewide · 25/09/2022 08:52

I had a man do this to me yesterday, for the very first time.

I barely know him! He works with my brother, so we've Tweeted as a group, literally, once or twice.

But last night he asked me for my phone number so we can chat privately 'x'.
I mean...🤨
He knows I'm married and I'm pretty sure he is too.

I'm going to ignore it and hope he gets the message. If I was to tell my brother, they'd probably fall out and I don't want that, cos my brother likes him and they work together quite closely.

rachela93 · 25/09/2022 08:55

I knew exactly what you meant lol.

If it were me and my partner was messaging another woman I would 100% want to know. Save her from wasting her time any further!

oviraptor21 · 25/09/2022 08:57

Why the catiness and condescension towards people that have never heard of the phrase? There are plenty of us on this thread and really it just makes you look juvenile with all the upper/lower case letters etc.

DickDarstedly · 25/09/2022 09:00

@Ameanstreakamilewide why do you ‘hope he gets the message’ though? Why not just tell him it’s inappropriate? Why are you sparing his feelings when he is not bothered about yours?

rockyg · 25/09/2022 09:02

Why can’t people just say ‘sent me a message’. ‘Slide into my DMs’ is annoying AF

Because it doesn't quite mean the same thing. Sliding into DMs (no idea so many haven't heard of this & I don't use SM except MNs) is sleazy

rockyg · 25/09/2022 09:04

this thread is mumsnet at its peak in faux ignorance and implied superiority for not having or getting social media

I think a lot of posters like to be contrary, no idea why.

ClinkeyMonkey · 25/09/2022 09:07

I thought shoes or mums too😃 I would say, though, that I did manage to figure out what it meant without resorting to Google, just by applying a bit of logic. But anyway ...

I reckon you message him back and tell him not to contact you again. Or ignore him. No need to go digging around to see if he has a wife and kids. If you're not interested, you're not interested. It doesn't need to turn into something.

MrsTimRiggins · 25/09/2022 09:11

oviraptor21 · 25/09/2022 08:57

Why the catiness and condescension towards people that have never heard of the phrase? There are plenty of us on this thread and really it just makes you look juvenile with all the upper/lower case letters etc.

Oh sure. But does the same question need to be asked over and over… and over when the answer has already been given? With a combination side of ‘why don’t you just speak properly?’ or ‘I thought it meant <insert ridiculous suggestion here>‘
Also, I don’t think you can criticise posters for being catty or condescending then end your post saying they look juvenile 🤣

rockyg · 25/09/2022 09:18

😆😆

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 25/09/2022 10:35

Phrase aside OP, agree with others, ignore + block then privacy settings on.

Unfortunately he's the kind of man that every generation has, that is , thinks we're flattered by unwanted attention. It's a digital extension of the "nice rack" kind of comments Confused

SleepingAgent · 25/09/2022 11:04

@TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination really? You sound old before your time. It's hardly a "yoof" phrase.

I'm mid 50's only really use MN and Facebook and have heard this phrase for years and years. It's very commonly used in all sorts of mainstream reporting, especially on scandals/affairs. I don't follow celebrity stuff much at all but it's been around all types of media for ages.

SleepingAgent · 25/09/2022 11:08

YourLipsMyLips · 24/09/2022 23:43

Oh the aching desperation on this thread to be far too mature to understand the phrase in the OP 😆

Haha yes - the "I don't do that social media stuff" while typing on a form of social media. It's a bit try-hard.

bellac11 · 25/09/2022 11:09

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 24/09/2022 21:26

Assumed a thread about Dr Martin's!!

Me too and I was wondering if they still did slip ons from the title.

bellac11 · 25/09/2022 11:12

Poppins2016 · 24/09/2022 21:42

From dictionary.com: "To slide into the DMs is online slang for sending someone a direct message on social media slickly and coolly, often for romantic purposes."

Isnt the whole purpose of online stuff that you talk to people online and message them

What on earth does slickly and coolly mean?

Is there a clumsy and anxious manner of doing this?

WatchoRulo · 25/09/2022 11:22

This thread is peak MN, innit?