To not understand why DH has like no pride in our home? And is a lazy fucker to boot

[Iusedtobecarmen]

Been with DH a long time and a DIY er he isn't. That's fair enough.

However, what isn't fair is the fact that he insists on trying to do any job himself. This involves him either doing it on the cheap, repairing things rather than replacing, with any old crap he finds lying around, or someone gives(dumps on) him.

These jobs he mostly doesn't finish properly or takes an extortionate amount of time to do. Has like an idea and will go all on it, until one day maybe it's raining and he can't do it , or he's too busy and it fizzles out.

I'm sick of it tbh. Our house is mostly a shambles. He doesn't seem bothered. Certain jobs we have no choice to pay tradespeople. Our house is old so it's never straightforward.
He gets very irritated for example, if I say "oh the bedroom needs plastering".
Either will say its fine, or offer to do some bodge up job himself. I will ignore him in these instances and get quotes and pay someone. He's often pretty disinterested or even arsed and doesn't get involved (in an arsey way).

I honestly think he would happily live in the house with no decorating or new things bought for the rest of his life.

We have had conversations about this millions if times and I'm at a loss of what to do.
Even a simple I thing like I will buy a new lamp is never simple, comes with 'nothing wrong with one we got, or my mum/random bloke at work has a spare/giving one away.

You know, reading more it strikes me that he is the sort of person who doesn't care a lot, probably doesn't notice, his surroundings, and along with that struggles to spend money on those things.

The stuff with picking up other people's old things is very typical of people who are pack-rats and it often stems from a fear of not having what you need. Not overtly, necessarily, but it's a very powerful urge.

It's not an easy thing to change, and chances are he may never care about aesthetics in the way you want him to. And I'm not sure you can be mad about it, as such.

I'd go for making him see it's important to you to have certain things done, but don't really expect him to emotionally invest.

No there was a later drip feed that she’s done three bedrooms , replaced the bathroom, done the hall and replaced the doors. Which means there can’t be much more left to do, living room, kitchen and the bannister. Maybe a home office or dining room, downstairs loo.

I think the way that it was written made everyone think the op hadn’t done anything either when she’s actually renovated most of the house and paid for it herself

The bottom line is that he’s a very tight lazy arse.

Don’t live like that, him making you feel guilty for buying something nice/new.

If he wants to live in a charity shop, that’s his downfall but it doesn’t mean you should be dragged down too.

It’s your house too so make it as homely and as lovely as you want to.

Ignore him. Get on with it. He will get used to the new your way of doing it.

Your home should be your haven.

You work hard so you deserve it.

Some people are being deliberately obtuse here. OP I couldn’t put up with a partner like this, would drive me mad. I like a nice house and luckily my dh agrees. Bringing random old stuff from work etc would drive me mad. He sounds tight and lazy. I don’t know what to advise really but if I were you I’d just crack on with jobs myself and hope he joins in once you’ve started. Like if you want to redecorate the hall then start stripping it and go buy the new paper / paint and book a decorater if you need help. I think this is going to be the only way.

Maybe they are but at least they’ve read the thread and know the hall is done 😂

The bottom line is that he’s a very tight lazy arse.

I really don't think it's that clear cut. Lots of people (and I'm generalising here but it's mainly men) don't care about having show homes. They don't care that the wallpaper is old and tatty or that the ceilings are Artex so don't see the need to pay to replace them.

OP says he does spend money on stuff he likes (new TV's, for example) so it reads to me like they just have different priorities and that he's just not fussed about new, matching furniture and having a modern kitchen or new skirting boards.

I agree with all of what you have said.

This is what ive had to do basically. Sometimes he's agreed these jobs need doing after the event ,but he would never suggest it in the first place.
He won't really come shopping either forsuch things. And if I say what do you think of this wallpaper he will say fine choose what you like.
In a really negative way, like he's annoyed.

@MyStarBoy
Thanks
I do do this. But why should I have to save all the time out of my money. I'm not expecting a show home. Just basic decorating and decent furniture when it needs replacing!

and why are you with him, he can play with children when you are separated....... your life would be a deal breaker for me. btw check out local paper, there will be someone advertising to build flat packs, can generally do it in half the time it would take someone else

No its absolutely not been renovated!!!! Decorated thats all. Hall plastered, wallpapered, new stair carpet (just basic cheap).
Had to.have new doors as 20 years plus in age. They were only the cheapest white ones to begin with that he has painted over numerous times. Hinges loose.justbkeep drilling more holes and re hanging them l. They were a mess.
Not like they were solid oak to begin with!!
Cheap flooring in hall. But isn't cheap when have to pay someone to lay it! More expensive than the flooring itself.

No renovation done here I can assure you.
Just what I can afford to maintain house.
I could understand if I was asking him for building work, extensions etc. But no basics that most people take for granted.

I do wonder at times.
No more flat pack for me. Too much hassle.

Oh my goodness OP this makes me fill with anxiety. I would absolutely hate that. I don't know how you cope!! I personally couldn't even be with someone like that. I think you need to give a serious ultimatum

@laurwalsh
It's been going on sooo long. We have had endless discussions and rows.
It makes me anxious even .broaching the subject of something new or a job that needs doing

Think only option is to accept it and just book tradesmen. And not even mention it.

only option is to accept it and just book tradesmen. And not even mention it.

But he needs to pay his share!

Why should you miss out on your pension contributions and investments, and thus jeopardize your retirement, because he is too tight to pay for essentials...

This. I'm single and buy flat packs from ikea. The instructions are straight forward if you take your time. You'll be surprised at how easy they are
Re holidays. Book your own and leave him in DIY squalor 👌

But he's not though is he? You'll find it's very empowering to tackle things yourself. Show the lazy twat up

Been there done that - my PTSD is coming back reading about it. He’s now an ex because I just couldn’t take the frustration any more.

This is my husband. I do all of the decorating and DIY I can manage. He has been attempting to fix a leaky bathroom now for 5 years. I got quotes but he's refused to tell me his budget and I can't afford it myself as I'm not earning the big bucks. I've replaced the downstairs loo (avocado!!), floored, decorated and put blinds up. He dosnt moan if I spend my own money but I'm putting the foot down now. It's starting to feel like it's not even my home any more .