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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband only happy if he gets sex

258 replies

atmywitsendd · 24/09/2022 14:05

Are they all like this ? I can't take it anymore. I just don't want to do it.

How do I get past it. He literally hates me and lashes out over every tiny thing. Everything is my fault, I can't do anything right and I actually think he despises me.

His behaviour in turn doesn't make me want to get anywhere near him at all.

We have two small kids. One baby. 5 months.

Husband works very long hours, so basically, I do everything. Older child is at nursery some days, but other than that it's on me.

I just don't have the space for sex at all.

What can I do ? Force myself? He literally hates me. He's so unhappy.

OP posts:
lemonmeringue85 · 30/09/2022 18:53

I've been reading this thread, hovering in the background as I'm experiencing this myself. I'm actually really shocked at the replies... I would never think of my Husband as controlling and coercive but now I'm questioning myself..

How are you doing OP?

atmywittsendd · 30/09/2022 19:20

lemonmeringue85 · 30/09/2022 18:53

I've been reading this thread, hovering in the background as I'm experiencing this myself. I'm actually really shocked at the replies... I would never think of my Husband as controlling and coercive but now I'm questioning myself..

How are you doing OP?

Hey thanks for reaching out. Well I have reached out to woman's aid and just had a bit of a chat with them. They agree it's inappropriate, abusive etc.

I'm still getting my head around it.. need more educating still I think..sorry you're going through a similar situation. No matter what it is, it's not fun at all.

LemonDrop22 · 30/09/2022 19:39

Has he never heard of wanking FFS.

The situation sounds coercive.

Also very unreasonable given the baby/kid situation and his shifts.

BeaRightThere · 30/09/2022 23:12

I don't think OP's husband is necessarily abusive and he's not a rapist. That's hyperbole.

OP, you have a clear pattern of disliking sex. It seems to me you have a low or non-existent sex drive and your husband may not have realised the extent of this. It's unfair to unilaterally withdraw sex. I think you'd both benefit film counselling but ultimately you seem incompatible anxious you'd be best served either breaking up or possibly negotiating an open relationship ( which could also end in divorce).

justasking111 · 30/09/2022 23:26

"Woman blames herself for her husband's affair... because she only had sex once every two years" www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-11264571/amp/Woman-blames-husbands-affair-sex-two-years.html

I thought of this thread when this article appeared yesterday

Foldingchair · 30/09/2022 23:31

LemonDrop22 · 30/09/2022 19:39

Has he never heard of wanking FFS.

The situation sounds coercive.

Also very unreasonable given the baby/kid situation and his shifts.

For 10 years? What's the point of being in a relationship if you end up having to wank alone anyway? Sex is nothing, nothing like having a wank.

atmyeittsendd · 01/10/2022 04:22

@Foldingchair no no no. He's not had to wank for 10 years. I participated willingly, but went off it around that time, like I always have with anyone I've been with long term.

We still had sex regularly, until children.. I've said this a few times now...

atmyeittsendd · 01/10/2022 04:31

BeaRightThere · 30/09/2022 23:12

I don't think OP's husband is necessarily abusive and he's not a rapist. That's hyperbole.

OP, you have a clear pattern of disliking sex. It seems to me you have a low or non-existent sex drive and your husband may not have realised the extent of this. It's unfair to unilaterally withdraw sex. I think you'd both benefit film counselling but ultimately you seem incompatible anxious you'd be best served either breaking up or possibly negotiating an open relationship ( which could also end in divorce).

He's definitely not a rapist. I find it absolutely outrageous that anyone would say he's a rapist. It's so disrespectful to rape victims to throw the word rapidly around. I am very much on the fence as to wether he is abusive.

He's frustrated and feels rejected. He's just human and he wants to stay in this marriage. He doesn't want to leave. I agree he doesn't go about it the right way though. I think we do need to give counselling a try.

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