Really put off by friends who you have to schedule 3 -4 months in advance

[offputtt]

Just to see for a lunch or a coffee..

I've got a couple of these and it's happened 2-3 times now that when talking about meeting, I've been given those time lines. I remember discussing last September and being told January might be good, as ' all booked up until then '..

I just completely lose interest in people who need that much notice, as it doesn't feel like I'm any kind of priority to them whatsoever. So why should I make any kind of effort to attend special events for them ?

Or another one told me she couldn't come to my DS birthday because her DS had a swimming lesson that day. Why should I make any effort, if they've shown me none ?

Or is it immature ? I'm just so done with putting effort in.

I literally don’t have a free weekend until after Christmas after this weekend…

Really? There is no time on any weekend when you couldn't spend an hour catching up over a cuppa or a walk with a friend?

How do you feel about being so programmed in advance? I definitely wouldn't want to live like that! I like a bit of room for last minute plans.

Or do you meant there is no weekend which is entirely free. Which is different. And doesn't mean you wouldn't be open for a last minute catch-up/

But in answer to the OP, if they are people who are like spending time with and who I am confident won't pull out later, then I'd very happily book time with them 3-4 months ahead, if that's what it takes. It's quite nice to put stuff in the diary well ahead - it's a nice surprise when you come across it later!

What I really can't be doing with is people who change their mind at the last moment for the slightest reason. Especially when I may have turned things down to keep that date free for them. Those people I would give up on. Or certainly wouldn't go out of my way!

I have the opposite perspective, which is that I feel miffed by friends who keep making last minute suggestions to hang out .. . . we almost always have plans and feel bad about constantly saying 'sorry, we can't do this Saturday'. We have one set of friends who do this constantly and because we feel so bad about saying no frequently, and don't want to give the impression that we don't value them, we tend to try and squeeze it in and then feel really stressed and resentful that we're cutting other stuff short and rushing from one thing to another to make sure we can see them as requested. If someone gives me notice, barring natural disaster or illness, I will make the date cheerfully. Re: not cancelling a swimming lesson for your son's birthday party I would a) consider how much notice I'd given that person, and b) how close they are to my son (I would think that family or godparents would want to come to a child's birthday but not sure most adults would . .. or did you mean you had invited the person's son?)

I actually dont believe the people who are saying now, at the end of September, that they're +booked up till January. They're quite clearly lying to try to prove a point, because no one will have every single evening, day off, weekend booked up for the next 3 months, 12 weeks, 84 days. No chance.

Now, I do have friends for whom we have to book ahead. My DH is a shift worker, i have kids, work FT and have weekend clubs/events as does DH and the kids. My friends, ditto, yet we can still meet up with 3 or 4 weeks maximum!!!

If anyone says they're too busy to see you within a quarter of a year, they're lying and clearly dont like you enough to spend some of their precious time with you. Their loss.

What I really can't be doing with is people who change their mind at the last moment for the slightest reason. Especially when I may have turned things down to keep that date free for them. Those people I would give up on. Or certainly wouldn't go out of my way!.

Yes, that's the most annoying type, @mast0650.Everyone schedules a get together weeks in advance, because X has that evening free, then X pulls out.
t happened to me over the summer, we'd all agreed on a certain date as it worked well for one busy person and then SHE was the only person who couldn't go last-minute!

Or maybe they want to actually spend some quality time, and not "squeeze someone in" for 45 mins, whilst clockwatching as they need to be somewhere else..... or going out after a long shift at work, or (in the case of some jobs) something draining or even harrowing at work ....... or, due to shift patterns and other commitments, they have ring fenced some of that time to actually relax with a partner, or dc, or elderly parents, etc.

I mean, I've got spaces in my diary, but I no longer have to work around childcare, and sadly I don't have parents anymore that I need to be spending time with, and I have a relatively small family, but I've also got plenty of evenings and weekends that I can't do / am 'booked up'.
I can also understand that we all live in different circumstances, and, just because I could make time for someone, it doesn't mean everyone can.

and if you have commitments that are weekly, then it leaves far fewer opportunities to fit 'one off' things in.
My norm is to be out about 5 hours every Sat and 3 hours every Sun, and out on 3 nights a week before you start adding in things that happen occasionally, so I don't start with "every evening, day, weekend" free like you are suggesting people do.

I am exactly the same way as you 😂

I agree with you OP, it's not a comfortable feeling when someone has to schedule you in, like a dental appointment, three months ahead. I have offloaded a couple of friends who made me feel like I was good for a sloppy seconds' invitation if someone else dropped out or if they had availability for something one weekend months ahead. I am now invested in finding new friends who want to do actual stuff with me.