Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get annoyed at DH having a poo during our morning routine?

370 replies

doggiemum247 · 21/09/2022 09:34

We have a 9mo dd. Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together- important for her development but also if I don't have someone helping me with breakfast, I almost never get to eat because she gets very whiny and upset in the high chair if she's not actually eating. This morning, he announced as I was going downstairs that he was going for a poo and shower (he usually does this in the evening once she's gone to bed).

I suppose for most people this wouldn't be a problem. But I rely on his support in the morning (by which I mean him holding her and then coming to breakfast with us, it's not like I'm asking that much of him) and it took me by surprise. I got annoyed. I said "if you knew you needed 20 minutes in the morning to get ready, you should have told me and I would have gotten up 20 minutes earlier so I could have played with her while you did that".

He got annoyed at me back saying "it's only 20 minutes" and "it's no big deal, it's not like you do anything or need to be anywhere". I study from home while looking after dd during the day.

I explained that if he'd just told me, I wouldn't need to try and juggle dd on my own for 20 minutes when it could have easily been factored in. He wouldn't even have had to get up early! I would have gotten up 20 mins earlier to allow him that time!!!

Needless to say, I didn't get my breakfast and probably won't get a chance to until later now because I have things to get done this morning while also watching dd. Currently BFing her.

To add insult to injury, when I came upstairs with dd, dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work. Didn't seem to think this was a problem either.

The main problem though is that even though I've asked him to let me know if he needs 20 minutes in the morning to get ready and I'll factor that into my routine, he's point blank refusing, saying it's unnecessary and I need to ease up. It's not a make or break thing but to me it seems like such an easy thing to just let me know the night before and I'll get up early, rather than having to struggle for those 20 minutes. It's just be a lot less stress al around.

Am I being too rigid and type A, or would others expect their partners to let them know if they needed extra time in the morning to get ready, rather than just taking it out of time that is already very busy?

OP posts:
Isaidnoalready · 21/09/2022 09:58

Put his dirty pants in his pillow if it's not a problem for you to sit on its not a problem for him to sleep on

Put a few cereal hoops on the highchair for her to play with and possibly eat while you grab your breakfast

rainbowandglitter · 21/09/2022 09:59

Wow. Far too rigid and controlling op.

SallyWD · 21/09/2022 09:59

You're being waaay too rigid. Your routine is too strict and you seem unable to see that things can be done a different way sometimes.
My baby was the most difficult, grizzly baby I've ever seen (I actually thought something was wrong with her) yet I still managed to feed her on my own and get myself breakfast too. I don't remember this being a particularly difficult thing to do.
You can eat while breastfeeding, you can eat while she's eating.
It's OK to let them whine and grizzle sometimes too.
Your poor DH.

LadyEloise1 · 21/09/2022 10:00

Penguinfeather781 · 21/09/2022 09:46

You sound ridiculous. Put child in a playpen/highchair for five minutes, regardless of whether or not she cries about it, and eat some toast.

This 💯 OP.
You are being unreasonable.
The routine you have is not sustainable and you will have a very demanding child.

suzyscat · 21/09/2022 10:00

YABU

Have a snack. Don't skip breakfast to be a martyr. If you're at home and not actually stuck at a sole charge desk job or dealing with an emergency, you should be able to factor in a slice of toast, a yoghurt a couple of pieces of fruit.

I get that routine is important to some people but having a kid means there will often be times where the routine can't hold for a variety of reason and it will make your life easier to if you can find ways to cope with this sooner rather than later.

At 9 months milk is their main source of nutrition still, some are ready eaters, others aren't. If your 9 month old baby isn't enjoying breakfast in the high chair I wouldn't be pushing it. Yes family meals at the table are a positive thing but forcing the issue when they're not ready, and expecting people to sacrifice normal bodily functions to accommodate it, isn't.

If LO can't be put down, do you have a sling you could wear them in whilst you make your breakfast?

The2Omicronnies · 21/09/2022 10:00

I can see why people would think YABU but some people go thrive on routine and if he is fully aware of what you both do on a daily basis to make things work for your family, then he should, at least, have gotten up earlier to shower. The bodily function, however, I do think you are being a tad unreasonable.

Summerfun54321 · 21/09/2022 10:01

Puts some toys on the kitchen floor and let her play while you eat. Get a playpen so you can both get ready with her awake in the morning…. So many options that don’t involve telling a grown man when he can or can’t have a shower or take a shit.

LuluBlakey1 · 21/09/2022 10:01

I don't care .

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/09/2022 10:01

Him for not really helping out and leaving dirty pants on your chair as some sort of passive aggressive protest, and belittling your time by telling you that you have nowhere to go

I would hazard a guess the pants incident was accidental due to him rushing around before she has his bollocks on a plate for not helping with breakfast.

MintyGreenDreams · 21/09/2022 10:02

Dh gets up for work before me and ds are even awake and strangely ds development is more than OK even though family breakfasts can't happen

Mondayagain123 · 21/09/2022 10:02

Wow. All the terrible things going on in the world and you are moaning about your husband having a dump! Of course you can eat your breakfast with a baby - welcome to the real world.

Caiti19 · 21/09/2022 10:02

You need a playpen. Put especially fascinating toys in it. She will play away there while you eat, he showers, and anything else you need to get done.

Matilda1981 · 21/09/2022 10:03

I really think you need to lighten up - as others have said it doesn’t take 2 people to feed a 9 month old breakfast - really she can feed herself with some toast or something while you eat breakfast. I have 4 kids and I simply cannot understand why you need two of you to do breakfast.

scrufffy · 21/09/2022 10:03

Poor bloke.

You don't both need to eat with the baby at every meal for her development either.

Mariposista · 21/09/2022 10:03

Nap1983 · 21/09/2022 09:39

I’m sorry but you sound like an absolute nightmare to live with…

This!
Sorry but baby can be put in a bouncer or playpen while you eat a piece of toast, or you can get a breakfast bar or banana to eat on the way to work.

NoYouSirName · 21/09/2022 10:04

Sorry, YABU! You can make a piece of toast with a baby on your hip? Get a sling? How do you study?

He shouldn’t have to tell you in advance when he wants a poo or a shower.

He should do his share though and shouldn’t leave his dirty pants lying around!

You are being too rigid though and need to be a bit more flexible.

Pixiedust1234 · 21/09/2022 10:04

Put his dirty pants on his pillow. He will soon stop leaving them anywhere.

Your dd will cope being in the high chair while you eat your toast/cereal. Yes she gets whiny but she won't die from it. Give her a toy or something.

Time to change your routine. If he goes for shower etc stop making him breakfast. He can get his own toast.

You are being very rigid but I get that, but its time to start changing things if they no longer work. Do you have a playpen that you can put dd in?

bombombo · 21/09/2022 10:04

You're being way too rigid. Surely there will come a day when DH is out and you need to give her breakfast on your own - what then?! Put baby in her high chair with some finger food, make your own breakfast. Or feed her first, then put her down with some toys on the floor, and make your breakfast.

I have a 10mo and do most mornings with him on my own due to DH's shifts, it's really not a big deal!

TrashyPanda · 21/09/2022 10:04

Am I being too rigid

yes

suzyscat · 21/09/2022 10:04

Topgub · 21/09/2022 09:53

Yabu

Your dd needs to learn to entertain herself

So what if she whines in the high chair?

You're storing up far bigger problems if you never leave her un entertained even for a minute

You can't spoil a baby by acknowledging its needs and communication.

WilsonMilson · 21/09/2022 10:04

Good grief, you sound like a nightmare. You know yabu when you can’t even let someone go for a poo without getting angry about your routine.

Your rigid perfectionism is way too much. Always having to do something a certain way eg having breakfast together, is ridiculous. Grab toast whenever you can and get on with your day. What are you going to do if you have another child? Your DH has been very accommodating to put up with this craziness. You need to calm the fuck down.

Idontdoyoga · 21/09/2022 10:04

Oh dear, poor you. Seems like the consensus on here is that you are being too rigid.
Maybe you are but looking ahead, if you’re finding an issue (for you) like this episode hard to cope with, do not have another child with this man. Alternatively, try using some of the excellent advice on here to help you deal with your frustrations.

Needmorelego · 21/09/2022 10:05

Put baby in a playpen with a few toys while you eat breakfast.
Or put baby in a bouncy seat infront of Cbeebies while you eat breakfast.
Throw the pants at your husband's head while saying "Are these yours? Why are they on my chair?"
If you are studying at home do you really need to blow dry your hair? Surely the joy of working at home is loungewear and hair in a messy ponytail.

StoppinBy · 21/09/2022 10:05

Why don't you make both yourself and your child breakky then put her in the highchair and either feed her or let her eat (depending on what style of weaning you are doing) while you eat?

Dogtooth · 21/09/2022 10:05

I can see where you're coming from OP, if I had a regular hour to myself in the mornings (and maybe no other time to myself in the day) and then it was suddenly cut short without any acknowledgement that it was important to me, I'd be miffed. I think your DH could have said something along the lines of 'when I'm done, I'll hold her while you have breakfast'.

But yes, you are being ridiculous. You don't really need a full hour to get ready for the day (you might like it, but need? No) Your DC will not explode if you don't respond to her every whimper within two seconds. Just say 'hang on, I'm eating' or similar. Are you spoon feeding, so if she's eating you can't? Blow that, get onto the toast fingers and cereal.

I used to often use the loo and shower with DC in the bathroom - sit them in a bouncer chair with a toy and let them enjoy the show!

Basically you are being too rigid, you should find a way for both you and DH to have breakfast, a wash and get dressed but you don't need such precision timing for everything!