To get annoyed at DH having a poo during our morning routine?

[doggiemum247]

We have a 9mo dd. Since she was born, I've gotten up an hour before she does so I can do everything I need to in the shower, blow dry my hair if needed, get dressed, pump milk etc. my husband sleeps in while I do this. If dd wakes in this time, dh takes her into bed with him for a cuddle until I'm ready to take her for breakfast and we all eat together- important for her development but also if I don't have someone helping me with breakfast, I almost never get to eat because she gets very whiny and upset in the high chair if she's not actually eating. This morning, he announced as I was going downstairs that he was going for a poo and shower (he usually does this in the evening once she's gone to bed).

I suppose for most people this wouldn't be a problem. But I rely on his support in the morning (by which I mean him holding her and then coming to breakfast with us, it's not like I'm asking that much of him) and it took me by surprise. I got annoyed. I said "if you knew you needed 20 minutes in the morning to get ready, you should have told me and I would have gotten up 20 minutes earlier so I could have played with her while you did that".

He got annoyed at me back saying "it's only 20 minutes" and "it's no big deal, it's not like you do anything or need to be anywhere". I study from home while looking after dd during the day.

I explained that if he'd just told me, I wouldn't need to try and juggle dd on my own for 20 minutes when it could have easily been factored in. He wouldn't even have had to get up early! I would have gotten up 20 mins earlier to allow him that time!!!

Needless to say, I didn't get my breakfast and probably won't get a chance to until later now because I have things to get done this morning while also watching dd. Currently BFing her.

To add insult to injury, when I came upstairs with dd, dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work. Didn't seem to think this was a problem either.

The main problem though is that even though I've asked him to let me know if he needs 20 minutes in the morning to get ready and I'll factor that into my routine, he's point blank refusing, saying it's unnecessary and I need to ease up. It's not a make or break thing but to me it seems like such an easy thing to just let me know the night before and I'll get up early, rather than having to struggle for those 20 minutes. It's just be a lot less stress al around.

Am I being too rigid and type A, or would others expect their partners to let them know if they needed extra time in the morning to get ready, rather than just taking it out of time that is already very busy?

I don’t understand why you can apparently study while looking after a baby, yet you can’t bite a piece of toast while looking after the same baby

YABU. Ridiculously so.

You get up an hour before your baby to tend to your ablutions yet can only have breakfast if you’re all together? Come on now. Either have a piece of toast during that hour or let your baby whinge for a bit!

You are being way too rigid. You don’t need two adults present to enable you to eat breakfast, plenty of people that have partners that are at work or are single parents manage to eat.

When you need a poo, you need a poo.

Poor bloke isn't able to shit when he needs to.... probably why his pants are a bit stinky.

Yabu.

Also have something to eat, even if baby whines.

Taking 20 mins for poo and shower is not unreasonable.

YABU I’m afraid. Apart from the pants.

What would happen if something were to happen to your DP that meant he couldn’t be there to give you an hour to get ready (but he’s not even allowed 20 mins) and then also hold your DC so you can eat? You’d starve? Or you’d realise your DC need to fit in around you. Can you not just scran a slice of on the go, if you’re so against you putting your DD down, DD in one arm toast in the other? It must also be seriously annoying to your DP that he just parent and live by your rules, you can’t be this rigid when you have kids, as they don’t work like that.

Blimey OP.

In the kindest way possible, you need to chill out. This morning routine you've set up sounds exhausting.

You blow dry your hair before the baby wakes up? I've never heard the like.

I think the thing you need to factor in is some time for yourself. Away from baby and DH.

It doesn't need to be this hard, or this rigidly controlled.

You can do this.

Stick her on the floor/in a walker/bouncer whilst you make toast or cereal or whatever it is you eat, she won't self combust. Poor bloke.

Yeah YABU. Sorry OP.

Sorry but I think YABU.

YABU in the sense that he can’t help when he needs to go to the toilet.

But (in my experience) since starting to wean my dd (she’s nearly 8 months now) this is the easiest I’ve found it to actually get some breakfast myself. I eat when she eats. She does feed herself though not sure about your DC.

Would your DC be entertained by toys on the high chair tray? That’s what I do whilst I’m preparing breakfast for us both. My husband has often left work before we have breakfast so don’t have much choice.

OP, (meant kindly and not in that passive aggressive way Mumsnet excels in), are you OK? I think you'll have grasped by now that you're being a bit OTT about your routine (!), but I know that when I get upright about things like that, it's often a sign that I'm not coping with life particularly well. Are you feeling anxious? Studying full time is a lot, and I've always found 9m the hardest age (very mobile and demanding, but no common sense or ability to communicate at all!

I hope you're OK

Just espied the OP's username. I really hope that 9 month old DD is a child of the human variety rather than canine. 😅

Then he could have said "it's not like you need to be anywhere". If he actually also included "it's not like you do anything" when she's studying and looking after his child all day, that would piss me off. Especially with the pants on the chair thing. Could be coincidence. Could be passive aggression. Only OP knows.

You are faaaaaaaaaaaar too rigid

if you need to poo you need to poo

plus is it really that hard for you to put a spoon of weetabix into dd mouth.

Then you put one in your mouth from your bowl

same if toast

you should be able to feed baby of 9mths and your self manage a meal at same time quite easily if she is beside you in a highchair

Nothing like mumsnet for a good old humbling! Thanks all, taking it all in.

Sorry but YABU.
You manage to study and must eat lunch whilst looking after the baby alone, so I’m sure you can find 5 mins to eat a piece of toast or whatever. Find a way to entertain your DD while you do it, talk her through what you’re doing or something. It’s unreasonable to be grumpy with your DH because he needs a poo or a shower though!

dh had left his stinky dirty pants on the office chair I sit at all day to work

You mean his underwear?
That's gross.

Why couldn't you eat some toast or something instead of typing a long post on Mumsnet? Sorry if this point has already been made.

The baby will be fine in high chair. Talk to her or put tv on for a few mins. You don’t need to all eat every meal together. Prep something the night before eg overnight oats or Weetabix and eat on the go.

What do you do with baby while you study? And yes you are being unreasonable. Try to chill out a bit, you aren't harming your baby by letting them grizzle for a minute or two.

YANBU.

Would it be possible to have some kind of mechanical valve installed in his rectum? Perhaps this could be controlled by an app that was only available to the OP?

Men, eh. Needing to shit, eat, breathe. Wankers, the lot of them.

Seriously? You can't cope because your fella is going for a poo? Jesus Christ! Will give you a tip, picking baby up constantly will lead to lots of problems, it will come to a point where you can't do anything because they want picked up all the time.

I don't understand how you can not make breakfast because you can't leave her on her own, yet you can sit in an office chair all day working while your supposed to be looking after her ?