Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

[BrocoliTrees]

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

[Imthedamnfoolwhoshothim]

@H1Drangea

Grandchild’s birthday
when I’m lucky enough to have grandchildren , they will be a priority and I’d be moving closer ( it’s ok DIL , not next door ) not further away
Its Faaamily ( in my Eastenders voice )

And if your child and DIL don't want you over involved? What if they move overseas?

[TheLongGallery]

I moved away for my career and raised children hundreds of miles from both sets of grandparents.

Wedding for me and when we have both retired I intend actually having some time with my DH because our careers and especially the nature of his has meant we have had very little time together, he spent two decades travelling overseas for weeks at a time.

People do really need to lead their own lives.

[averythinline]

Wpuld expect wedding to take precedence..
Never had grandparents at dc party...always did something separate....with the parties they went to a mix ..some had 1/2 some years not others ....most none ..

You seem to have very fixed views on other people's lives/priorities...

[JenniferBarkley]

Weddings trump birthdays, I'd happily go to a wedding on my own child's birthday, never mind a grandchild.

OP I think this is the fourth thread I've seen from you about your in-laws. You need to accept the move and move on, you'll just push them further away otherwise. I really feel for your MIL who as I recall has significant caring responsibilities to generations older and younger.

[WeepingSomnambulist]

5 yours really iant that far.

They've done their parenting. They've done their working years. They're retired and to be frank, dotnt exactly have decades left on this earth. It's their time now with no work constraints or parenting responsibilities. If they want to move to the countryside then you should be supporting that. Instead, you sound bitter because they're not contributing to put their lives on hold for your children.

5 hours is nothing. They'll visit. You'll visit. Your kids might actually love having grandparents in the countryside. But I'm guessing you'll do all you can to freeze them out whilst going on about how perfect your parents are.

And a wedding or a kids birthday party? The wedding, of course. They'll do a grandparent thing with the kids. If they're moving the week after, then surely you'll all be going up to visit anyway? If my parents made a big move for their retirement then I'm sure I'd be over to visit the following weekend to see their lovely new home and new life and join in with them for a couple days.

You just sound a bit nasty to be honest. Just not very nice because they arent making you the centre of the world.

They might not be the best grandparents. They might want to have their life and just see the kids occasionally but that's life. They've done their parenting and just want to enjoy being drop in/drop out grandparents with nothing holding them down. It isnt perfect for you but it also isnt wrong.

You need to stop speaking about them the way you do, and dont bitch about them to your parents. It just makes you the nasty person in the scenario.

I doubt you'll care pay attention to any posts like mine though as you're only replying to the minority who agree with you. Sums you up I think.

[MiseryWIthAStent]

Wedding I think. Invite came first. The kid has a birthday every year and hopefully the wedding is only once!

[ZenNudist]

Wedding takes priority.

They are entitled to move. Personally I'm looking forward to retirement by the sea on in the countryside. I certainly wouldn't begrudge my family the chance to do the same. It will be lovely to visit them in a nice location and they presumably will visit you. It would be shame to die living in the same place you have always lived because you left it too late to make the move. Grandchildren grow up and tend not to visit much. You've got to make your own life.

[Quincythequince]

Wedding for sure.
You get married once, you have a birthday every year.It’s also 6, not 1 or 13, or 18 or 21z

Moving away is neither here nor there - complete red herring tbh.

I haven’t read the rest of the thread but this reads like your MIL not rocking up to your DC bday and you being cross.

I hope I am wrong.

[ArcticSkewer]

Definitely would prioritise a wedding over a small child's birthday party. Small child's birthday party is something only small children enjoy, and they mostly enjoy it because they are running round with other small children, and eating cake. The presence/lack of grandparents would mean pretty much nothing to them

[Rinatinabina]

I think most 6yr olds want to be with their friends, quick facetime with grandparents should be enough. I wouldn’t be offended by this. Your child probably won’t care that much either.

[TrashyPanda]

Wedding, without a doubt.

and it’s pretty selfish to think they should put your family first when deciding where they want to live.

[Quincythequince]

Haha!

I was right 😂

You are pathetic OP. Really sad!

And now, this apparent transgression will cloud every decision you make forthwith regarding your ILs.

Honestly! Life is too short.

[StampOnTheGround]

You keep ignoring the overwhelming vote for wedding, you can be upset about it but still be completely unreasonable

[MrsBennetsPoorNerves]

I'm sure most people would prioritise the wedding. A child's birthday can easily be celebrated on another day, a wedding can't.

I will never understand why some people are so precious about birthdays - their own or their kids'.

[FayeGovan]

@BrocoliTrees will already have hidden this thread as she's not getting enough sympathy.

She'll be composing a new one as we speak.

Her poor MIL.

[bloodywhitecat]

The wedding. I still have a life of my own despite having a grown up family. I would also expect my children to prioritize a friend's wedding over my birthday because weddings happen on a set day whereas birthday celebrations can be flexible.

[GelatoQueen]

See I would've prioritised Grandchild given that we were moving away and the wedding isn't one of particularly close friends according to the original post. IME at 6 years old, my DS loved being with GP for his birthday - we did friends another day. Now he's older friends are more important

[BrocoliTrees]

@WeepingSomnambulist

5 yours really iant that far.

They've done their parenting. They've done their working years. They're retired and to be frank, dotnt exactly have decades left on this earth. It's their time now with no work constraints or parenting responsibilities. If they want to move to the countryside then you should be supporting that. Instead, you sound bitter because they're not contributing to put their lives on hold for your children.

5 hours is nothing. They'll visit. You'll visit. Your kids might actually love having grandparents in the countryside. But I'm guessing you'll do all you can to freeze them out whilst going on about how perfect your parents are.

And a wedding or a kids birthday party? The wedding, of course. They'll do a grandparent thing with the kids. If they're moving the week after, then surely you'll all be going up to visit anyway? If my parents made a big move for their retirement then I'm sure I'd be over to visit the following weekend to see their lovely new home and new life and join in with them for a couple days.

You just sound a bit nasty to be honest. Just not very nice because they arent making you the centre of the world.

They might not be the best grandparents. They might want to have their life and just see the kids occasionally but that's life. They've done their parenting and just want to enjoy being drop in/drop out grandparents with nothing holding them down. It isnt perfect for you but it also isnt wrong.

You need to stop speaking about them the way you do, and dont bitch about them to your parents. It just makes you the nasty person in the scenario.

I doubt you'll care pay attention to any posts like mine though as you're only replying to the minority who agree with you. Sums you up I think.

@WeepingSomnambulist I'm not a nasty person. It's not quite as black and white as you're making it out to be.

[venus7]

@BrocoliTrees

@toomuchlaundry retiring to a countryside location

So what do you want them to do? Stay where they are, devote their lives to your children? YOUR children? Rather self centred attitude. I'd be moving away from you at earliest opportunity!

[starfishmummy]

Wedding. It's a one off, birthdays happen every year and 6 isn't a special one. You say the move is to another part of the country rather than the other side of the world so I assume there will be other birthdays they can attend.

[SpongeBob2022]

I would prioritise the wedding. It's about the one off nature of the event. It's not that they love the couple more than their grandson.

What I would say is that if this was my parents they would notice it's a family birthday and let me know in advance. Not to assume I'd rearrange the party but in case I wanted to do it a different day (given that wedding invites are usually received well in advance) and party itself unlikely to be confirmed at that point.

Moving away is a different issue. Not something I'd do...but if I was someone who had been looking forward my whole life to retiring to the country (or whatever) I would do it.

[NotLactoseFree]

I love these threads. Bulk of posters tell OP she's being unreasonable. OP picks just the 2 or 3 posters who agree with her and continues to feel that she is hard done by.

Of course a wedding trumps a birthday. It would be nice if they did something with the grandchild for his birthday at some point too and if they don't, then sure, they're clearly not super engaged grandparents. But being annoyed about a wedding is ridiculous.

[BrocoliTrees]

@MacaroniBaloney

I don't know why your miffed about them moving away if they're the less involved type of GP.

It's lovely that your DPs are super close and involved. They are the ones who will have a close relationship. Focus on that instead.

Be thankful you have one set intererested.

@MacaroniBaloney you're right, I need to focus on the positives.

[justmaybenot]

Wedding, and if I knew a grandparent was wavering between my dc's birthday or a wedding I'd definitely advise they go to the wedding. I'd also not expect them to take distance from grandchildren into consideration when deciding where to live. It's their lives, and if I was concerned about the relationship with my DCs I would be sure I visited or had them to visit regularly.

[Porcupineintherough]

Am I the only one who finds the idea of an adult having to check their availability with their adult children a bit creepy?