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Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 21/09/2022 08:47

Wedding of course would take priority.

Noviembre · 21/09/2022 08:48

Yes. The friend is my life. The grandchild is the focus of someone else's life. They're pleasant but not the be all and end all.

Also of course you prioritise the invite that came first, unless you have no manners at all.

namechange30455 · 21/09/2022 08:48

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 08:35

@SmallPrawnEnergy true, I didn't and yes maybe I should have down. They will be on holiday for 3 weeks until the day before the party then they move 2 days after so it's not easy.

You could have had it on the Sunday though if you wanted them there.

I don't think you can whinge now that someone you didn't bother to check was free is not free.

ThisisCollie2022 · 21/09/2022 08:49


Fuuuuuckit · 21/09/2022 08:50


My dc were born well before my parents retired, and due to the way the birthday day itself fell, dc1 didn't have a weekend birthday until they were about 7. We never expected gp to come to a weekday party (nor did we have them because we woth worked ft) and so everyone made plans at the weekend nearest the day if they wanted to.

Prioritising gc's annual birthday over a one-off wedding is a bit odd; if the bride and groom deemed them sufficiently close to invite to their wedding that would suggest that they're not strangers.

OP I get it - my in-laws were much less hands-on with my dc. But as you can see from all the posts here I think you're being a bit precious about the fact your in-laws aren't prioritising your dc's loud, noisy, full of screaming kids, crap party food and fizzy drinks party over a civilised wedding.

Fruby · 21/09/2022 08:50

Wedding > 6 year olds birthday party

Its nice when grandparents are available and want to be involved involved in grandkids lives, but being heavily involved in their everyday life doesn’t feel like it should be expected.

Rarenamer · 21/09/2022 08:51


although on another kite- your in laws found like they have amazing busy lives, let them enjoy it!

My parents are the same, they feel like they’ve raised their children now it’s their turn to do what they want and I think it’s great, much better than them sitting at home doing nothing.

MacaroniBaloney · 21/09/2022 08:51

I don't know why your miffed about them moving away if they're the less involved type of GP.

It's lovely that your DPs are super close and involved. They are the ones who will have a close relationship. Focus on that instead.

Be thankful you have one set intererested.

LifeIsaRollerCoaster1 · 21/09/2022 08:51

A 6th birthday party is usually a class party either at a playcentre or village hall, with entertainers etc. I'd say only a small % of grandparents attend these parties as they are noisy and chaotic, birthday child wouldn't notice if they were present or not. So I'd say go to the wedding, my children are around this age when we have a party I say "you can come if you want to" to my parents, invite is there but there's no pressure.

Mydogmylife · 21/09/2022 08:51

Well, I take it this didn’t really go as you thought? Wedding for me too

Sothis · 21/09/2022 08:51

Wedding all the way. My parents in law have a hard time at childrens parties and much prefer seeing the birthday child 1-2-1.

Sellorkeep · 21/09/2022 08:51

Wedding, unless I didn’t want to go to that

FayeGovan · 21/09/2022 08:51

I can imagine you and your parents sit and bitch non stop about the in-laws daring to have their own lives and not have you centre stage in it.

Mrsjayy · 21/09/2022 08:51

namechange30455 · 21/09/2022 08:48

You could have had it on the Sunday though if you wanted them there.

I don't think you can whinge now that someone you didn't bother to check was free is not free.

Definitely this op you didn't check you just assumed they would drop everything and rush round.

DariaMorgendorffer · 21/09/2022 08:51

Wedding, 100%, like the vast majority of people, I'd imagine.

billy1966 · 21/09/2022 08:53

Do yourself the favour of just not winding yourself up over your in laws.

They are making a choice for their lives and it really isn't something for you to judge.

However, you should feel under absolutely no obligation whatsoever to travel to visit them at all, if it doesn't suit you.

You are so blessed that your parents are involved, many children have neither set of grandparents available to them.

You can't change people, but you can control how much you allow their choices affect and upset you.

In your place I simply wouldn't reference their absence at all.

Enjoy the party and enjoy the family you have.

lickenchugget · 21/09/2022 08:53

Wedding, even if invite came second. Kids parties are usually for their friends. GP’s can pop over another day if they can’t make it.

MassiveSalad22 · 21/09/2022 08:55


Ragwort · 21/09/2022 08:58

Are you the same poster who goes on and on about your ILs moving (which will involve caring for another elderly relative)? You are just obsessed about this.

Why can't you accept that they have their own lives, interests, friends and responsibilities... they do not need to revolve their life around you and your DC. Yes it's nice to have a close relationship with your DGPs but you don't need to live in each other's pockets.

Crabwoman · 21/09/2022 08:58


I wouldn't cancel a one off full day event with friends to watch a 6 year old run around with their friends for an hour.

AlwaysTheBrideNeverTheBridesmaid · 21/09/2022 08:58

Wedding. Birthdays happen every year.

But, generally, I would always prioritise the invitation that I accepted first. That's just basic manners. You don't accept an invitation and then rescind because something you'd rather do come along, imo. You honour your word. So whichever came first I would do and send my regrets for the next invitation that came along.

christmastreewithhairyfairy · 21/09/2022 08:58

YABU and super precious.

My parents recently missed both my DCs birthdays because they were on holiday. It never crossed my mind to be annoyed about it and believe me they annoy me in many other ways. They sent cards and presents ahead of time and messages on the day. DC were not bothered.

It's only a thing if you make it. Which clearly you want to do because you don't like your ILs. But they are not BU in the slightest

3peassuit · 21/09/2022 08:59

I’m a very involved, hands on grandparent but it would be the wedding for me.

LifeIsaRollerCoaster1 · 21/09/2022 08:59

I've just seen you are having a small gathering at your house not a play centre thing, I'd still prioritise the wedding, the grandparent can pop round with cake another day. I think you are being quite precious.

UnagiForLife · 21/09/2022 08:59

I’d go to the wedding, especially if I’d accepted that invite at the time I found out about the party. Let’s be honest, a 6 year old is going to be more interested in their friends attending their birthday party then their grandparents. In fact is it even a thing to invite grandparents to a child’s birthday party? Unless they’re really wanting to go or want to help out.

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