Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:
trussedchicken · 22/09/2022 18:49

Wedding. I've never understood why people expect other family members to always attend every single birthday. The grandparent can see the child near their birthday and call them on the day in necessary. Plus at 6 years old, the kid is mainly just interested in their friends coming to the party.

Loubymoo27 · 22/09/2022 18:51

Weddings happen once (hopefully!), birthdays are every year. I'd prioritise the wedding!!

Crankley · 22/09/2022 18:51

A wedding is a (hopefully) one-time event whereas your son will have plenty of other birthdays. I doubt he will be scarred for life if one set of grandparents are absent from his party.

From all the drip feeds it's obvious what you think of them so they may as well please themselves and live the life they want and not the one you think they should be living.

gogohmm · 22/09/2022 18:51

Wedding, by 6 they had school friends to parties. My in laws never saw them on a birthday in 21 years, my parents a couple of times

astarsheis · 22/09/2022 18:52

We did the opposite...we took DC away from the grand-parents and moved them around the world for nearly 20 years. It was hard on them. They saw the DC about twice a year but still ended up having very close relationships.

DM1720 · 22/09/2022 18:54

Definitely the wedding!

cherish123 · 22/09/2022 18:55

Wedding

BeanCounterBabe · 22/09/2022 18:55

I’d prioritise the wedding that I had been invited to first. But I wouldn’t move 5 hours away and would do something special to celebrate with the birthday child. It’s not that usual for both sets of GPs to attend every child’s party is it?? I think you are just bitter about the move.

Notanotherwindow · 22/09/2022 18:57

Wedding. The child won't even notice which adults are at the party. She'll be jacked up on sugar, running riot with her friends. Grandparents can see her a different day, or I would drop in briefly before the wedding to give her a present and say happy birthday.

CookieCoo · 22/09/2022 18:57

Wedding. I’d arrange a special catch up on a different day with grandchild.

I’d also make sure that I sent a card, present to GC and called him/her on the actual birthday day.

MarvelMrs · 22/09/2022 19:00

I actually think children’s birthdays are pretty special and in the long run you will remember the time you spent with a grandchild on their birthday and not a wedding of a not especially close friend.

MarvelMrs · 22/09/2022 19:01

Also if you are close with a grandchild they will notice you are missing. But a friend, unless very close, won’t notice your presence or absence at their wedding.

BakewellGin1 · 22/09/2022 19:02

I would be telling my parents to absolutely get to the wedding and enjoy it. No way would I expect them to miss a full day's social event for either of my kids party.

Danielle9891 · 22/09/2022 19:04

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

I'd go to the wedding.
Granny can do something with the grandchild another day. If the grandchild is having a party they'd probably want to play and spend time with their friends rather than with their grandparent.

Grannyto2 · 22/09/2022 19:05

Grandchild would come first always.

Xmasbaby11 · 22/09/2022 19:06

Wedding

Scottsy100 · 22/09/2022 19:08

This is a joke right 🤣 person gets married hopefully once, and the invite was first over grandchild who has a birthday every year 😳🤔

HikingforScenery · 22/09/2022 19:09

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 18:29

If the situation was different, I don't think I would get bothered about them not being at dc's birthday. But dh and I are feeling confused and a bit hurt by how they've been this year. They can be lovely inlaws and devoted grandparents but it's totally on their terms. When they see us, it's when THEY want to. In the past weve laughed because they'll contsct us on a cold rainy day and its so obvious they've got nothing on that day. Most of the time, I always feel like them seeing us is not what they really want to be doing. Mil always looks through her crammed filled diary to see when she can fit us in. I'm not saying they shouldn't have their own lives or that their world should revolve round us but we're very much not on their radar at all anymore I feel. However, their daughter is treated quite differently. They often secretly take her and her partner on holidays, days out, meals out, etc and the first we see of it is on social media. It's clear that they want to see them over us. I know why, we're hard work for them just because we have young children, a son with special needs and health issues ourselves. We come with baggage, their daughter doesn't. I'm pretty sure this has been a factor behind the move too.

They want a different life away from family when they move, that's fine. Maybe it will all work out. I honesty hope they'll be happy. But despite what pps have said on here, a long distance relationship with grandparents is never going to be the same. They spent a lot of time with ds in the his few couple of years, then covid happened and that's when things really changed. With baby daughter, she already doesn't know them as well as doesn't want to be picked up by mil. But she is very close and secure with my parents because they see her regularly.

I can't change what's happening. I suppose I just don't want my children to feel like their grandparents are only there for them with it suits them. I kind of wish they'd been detached from the start instead of lovely, supportive and involved. It's the change in attitude that's been hard to deal with.

Sorry for such a long message. I take everything out on mumsnet. All my negative, mixed up feelings. Sorry.

I find that Maternal gps tend to be the more involved ones, I think. I wonder if it’s because mums call in the early days?

HotDogJumpingFrogHaveACookie · 22/09/2022 19:10

Would I hell! At 6yrs old a child's birthday party is for their friends.

They're not available as they have commitments already.

Knickerthief1 · 22/09/2022 19:10

I'm sorry but I would say the wedding trumps a birthday - unless its a 1st or 18th Birthday.

Calphurnia88 · 22/09/2022 19:11

DMW60 · 22/09/2022 18:48

I’d say Wedding trumps a birthday party, particularly if invite came before birthday arrangements and it was accepted. My father and stepmother chose to attend a Bonfire at caravan site (seasonal pitch) rather than attend my father’s first grandson’s christening. ‘But it’s not our first grandchild’ as stepmother’s daughter had a child previous year! and yes, they attended that!

Wow that's awful!

H007 · 22/09/2022 19:12

I’d prioritise the wedding. People (generally) only get married once and the invite came in first. I’d arrange another time to do something special with the GC. The moving away is neither here nor there as where you live does not particular depend on how much quality time you spend together. My GP lived miles from us yet we would spend loads of time with them in school holidays.

The only exception would be if it was a special birthday 1st, 16th, 18th etc.

Asperia · 22/09/2022 19:14

Wedding!

Hellospring22 · 22/09/2022 19:15

Wedding as it’s a one off and a child’s birthday can be celebrated a little before or after. My parents booked to go away over my child’s birthday as the accommodation was free that week and not the next. We just celebrated once they were home my little boy enjoyed an extended birthday.

Heronwatcher · 22/09/2022 19:15

Wedding. There won’t be another chance to attend it and it might be nice for the 6 yr old to have a separate time to celebrate with their GPs. Incidentally I’d try not to compare sets of GPs, just take the positives from both.

Swipe left for the next trending thread