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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 21/09/2022 18:45

We rarely do the extended family birthday celebration on the actual birthday, so I wouldn’t really expect a grandparent to be available on the exact day, just somewhere close.

toomuchlaundry · 21/09/2022 20:23

Are they moving away from their daughter too?

Original poster
BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 20:29

toomuchlaundry · 21/09/2022 20:23

Are they moving away from their daughter too?

@toomuchlaundry no, their daughter lives in a different part of the country too. So they won't be living near her or us.

OP posts:
Loics · 21/09/2022 20:41

I would expect them to prioritise the wedding, I'd advise my mum or MIL to do so in the same situation too.

BurnDownTheDiscoHangTheDJ · 21/09/2022 22:31

The kid. As would my mum and dad. My in laws on the the other hand? They'd prioritise the wedding. Potentially they'd prioritise having a coupon for the Toby Carvery over their grandchildren 😂 I used to get angry about it, but I don't anymore and the kids know who their decent grandparents are.

lemmein · 22/09/2022 04:05

Mosaic123 · 21/09/2022 08:03

Grandchild's birthday would be my priority.

I wouldn't want to be a long way from my grandchild if I didn't have to be.

This.

My DGS normally has his birthday parties at my house (bigger garden) so I'm always very involved in the day. Besides I hate weddings so I'd be glad of the excuse!

I'd never move away from him, not that I think it's wrong, I just couldn't.

I don't think my kids ever seen the in-laws on their birthdays though.

Nevertouchakoala · 22/09/2022 05:11

Wedding of course

MRex · 22/09/2022 05:21

Wedding of course. Family birthday party day can be rearranged if needed to Sunday and grandparents don't usually go to the child's friend party.

cocococococococo · 22/09/2022 05:44

I’d take grandchild for a lovely day out on the day before or after. I’ve visit with gifts too. And I’d go to the wedding.

IME of family and friends, grandparents dont go to birthdays parties, they do their own thing with child or visit another time. The party is for friends.

Anycrispsleft · 22/09/2022 05:49

I'd prioritise the birthday but not everybody is the same. If your mother is not going to be a real hands on grandma (and the moving house certainly seems to suggest she has other priorities) I don't think there is anything to be gained by trying to force the issue. Try and have a pleasant relationship even if it is more distant - kids have no real expectations about grandparents, so if you act like it's fine, it will be fine.

FayeGovan · 22/09/2022 11:38

Do you have siblings with their own kids@BrocoliTrees ? If yes,are your parents as close to them as they are to yours?

Kazibar · 22/09/2022 17:54

Wedding but plan something now with the GC. Maybe the Harry Potter thing if u live n at that and he’s a fan or

lifeofbea · 22/09/2022 18:16

I asked my parents what they would do, they both agreed they’d prioritise their grandchild. My parents are very involved and a big part of my kids lives, they will always put the kids before others. Especially over someone who isn’t even a close friend

Exhaustedpanda · 22/09/2022 18:17

It’s a difficult one. I know for a fact my parents would absolutely but their grandchild’s birthday before anything else. That being said I would understand not making it due to a wedding assuming they will see the grandchild again in the future.

toomuchlaundry · 22/09/2022 18:26

Does everyone invite their parents to the grandchild’s birthday party? I think DS had only had his GPs visit on one birthday and he was quite young. They never came to a party. None of them live close so I guess that might make a difference.

Greengagesnfennel · 22/09/2022 18:28

Wedding of course.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 22/09/2022 18:28

Wedding anyday.

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 22/09/2022 18:31

I told my friend I couldn't go to bottomless brunch on a Saturday next month as it's my nephews bday. Don't even know if my brothers planning a party but I'm keeping the day free.

antelopevalley · 22/09/2022 18:34

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 22/09/2022 18:31

I told my friend I couldn't go to bottomless brunch on a Saturday next month as it's my nephews bday. Don't even know if my brothers planning a party but I'm keeping the day free.

Wow! This is crazy.

HauntedPencil · 22/09/2022 18:37

Wedding - to be honest this is a no brainier there may be other issues but I've never heard of anyone turning down a wedding invite for a birthday?

WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 18:38

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 22/09/2022 18:31

I told my friend I couldn't go to bottomless brunch on a Saturday next month as it's my nephews bday. Don't even know if my brothers planning a party but I'm keeping the day free.

Are you joking?

Moveonswiftlyplease · 22/09/2022 18:41

I'd go to the wedding. Children don't notice the adults at their birthday party. I'd go to a friend's wedding over a child's birthday party every day of the week.

MumCanIDoThat · 22/09/2022 18:43

A 6th birthday is just that. it's not special like milestone ones. It wouldn't even occur to me to expect anyone else from dh to be aware of planning anything around that.

Tootiredtoogiveatoss · 22/09/2022 18:45

Wedding!Children have lots of birthdays!

DMW60 · 22/09/2022 18:48

I’d say Wedding trumps a birthday party, particularly if invite came before birthday arrangements and it was accepted. My father and stepmother chose to attend a Bonfire at caravan site (seasonal pitch) rather than attend my father’s first grandson’s christening. ‘But it’s not our first grandchild’ as stepmother’s daughter had a child previous year! and yes, they attended that!