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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

633 replies

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 07:51

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too.

Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week.

Interested to know opinions.

OP posts:
dontdillydallytoolong · 21/09/2022 10:09

Wedding definitely trumps birthday.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:10

sunshinesupermum · 21/09/2022 09:54

Grandchild's birthday every time, especially if you are moving away. I guess any Grans on Mumsnet would say the same while younger mums would prioritise wedding?

@sunshinesupermum

nah my mother would prioritise wedding over grandkids bday as she should

Scrambledandfried · 21/09/2022 10:13

WeepingSomnambulist · 21/09/2022 09:02

5 yours really iant that far.

They've done their parenting. They've done their working years. They're retired and to be frank, dotnt exactly have decades left on this earth. It's their time now with no work constraints or parenting responsibilities. If they want to move to the countryside then you should be supporting that. Instead, you sound bitter because they're not contributing to put their lives on hold for your children.

5 hours is nothing. They'll visit. You'll visit. Your kids might actually love having grandparents in the countryside. But I'm guessing you'll do all you can to freeze them out whilst going on about how perfect your parents are.

And a wedding or a kids birthday party? The wedding, of course. They'll do a grandparent thing with the kids. If they're moving the week after, then surely you'll all be going up to visit anyway? If my parents made a big move for their retirement then I'm sure I'd be over to visit the following weekend to see their lovely new home and new life and join in with them for a couple days.

You just sound a bit nasty to be honest. Just not very nice because they arent making you the centre of the world.

They might not be the best grandparents. They might want to have their life and just see the kids occasionally but that's life. They've done their parenting and just want to enjoy being drop in/drop out grandparents with nothing holding them down. It isnt perfect for you but it also isnt wrong.

You need to stop speaking about them the way you do, and dont bitch about them to your parents. It just makes you the nasty person in the scenario.

I doubt you'll care pay attention to any posts like mine though as you're only replying to the minority who agree with you. Sums you up I think.

Yikes. I think you’re the only nasty one around here 👀 lol

you seem rather triggered xxx

Barney60 · 21/09/2022 10:15

Grandchild for me.

watcherintherye · 21/09/2022 10:15

They will be on holiday for 3 weeks until the day before the party then they move 2 days after so it's not easy.

And they’re fitting in a wedding. Makes me feel quite pedestrian!

You said the wedding invitation came first? They probably accepted it some time ago then. I think it is rather U to expect them to back out of a prior commitment. I hope you’re not going to bad-mouth them to your family in their absence?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 21/09/2022 10:17

I would discuss it.

WeepingSomnambulist · 21/09/2022 10:17

Scrambledandfried · 21/09/2022 10:13

Yikes. I think you’re the only nasty one around here 👀 lol

you seem rather triggered xxx

Show quote history

You realise this poster has posted a fair bit about her in-laws, and is always told they haven't done anything wrong. Literally all they're doing is moving to the countryside and the OP has gone on the warpath against them for how awful they are to even think of moving away when she wants them to be around to help with her kids.
It's ridiculous.

Clymene · 21/09/2022 10:18

Wedding. And I'd be pissed off if I was put through a manipulative guilt trip for it too.

WildfellAnne · 21/09/2022 10:19

sunshinesupermum · 21/09/2022 09:54

Grandchild's birthday every time, especially if you are moving away. I guess any Grans on Mumsnet would say the same while younger mums would prioritise wedding?

Eh? I don’t think that’s logical. I would assume most grandparents, no matter their age, would prioritise a wedding alongside their own friends. It’s odd, and slightly intrusive, for grandparents to attend a child’s party.

MissingNashville · 21/09/2022 10:19

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:10

@sunshinesupermum

nah my mother would prioritise wedding over grandkids bday as she should

Show quote history

There’s no ‘should’ about it. It’s an opinion not fact.

VariationsonaTheme · 21/09/2022 10:20

My parents are extremely close to my dc and I would expect them to go to the wedding.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:23

Barney60 · 21/09/2022 10:15

Grandchild for me.

@Barney60

really?

but why?

it’s your friends WEDDING!

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:24

MissingNashville · 21/09/2022 10:19

There’s no ‘should’ about it. It’s an opinion not fact.

Show quote history

@MissingNashville

if you wanna retain friendships and have a life outside of your family it is a fact

MaryVee · 21/09/2022 10:25

wedding for sure

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 21/09/2022 10:25

Wedding.

Yes to moving house. Live your life as you want to.

You will see gc on birthdays in future if it's important.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:28

@BrocoliTrees

genuinely can’t believe you think they should miss a friends wedding to come to your child’s party op

Bananarama21 · 21/09/2022 10:28

Your being precious, a wedding is a one off occassion. Your telling me they have to keep.that date free for the next how many years ridiculous.

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 21/09/2022 10:29

Op, you sound rather self pitying.

No relative is obliged to live near you.

It doesn't mean they necessarily care less. It's just that they want to do other things with their lives. Which is of course, fair enough.

W0tnow · 21/09/2022 10:31

Grandchild, on the basis that the friend isn’t close and I dislike weddings unless they are good friends. Close friend would be different.

Bananarama21 · 21/09/2022 10:31

I just realised which posters you are. Your expections are ridiculous and you weren't happy them retiring at the countryside and not been available for childcare..they done there time raising kids if they want to go to their friends wedding they can.

MelodyPondsMum · 21/09/2022 10:32

Wedding. The birthday can be celebrated on another day and the DC will enjoy being pampered and spoiled twice.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 21/09/2022 10:36

My parents live 200+ miles away and until recently still worked full time. I would absolutely not expect them to prioritise a kid's birthday party over a wedding.

My husband's dad (mum deceased) lives locally and will drop round when he can - but again, he still works full time, shift work. Plus looks after his own mother. So I wouldn't expect his presence either even though he's local.

I think you're being unfair. Especially as in this time they've got a holiday and house move happening.

StandingInTheMoment · 21/09/2022 10:36

I’d prioritise grandchildren (although I don’t have any yet) or any of my nieces and nephews birthdays when they were 6 over a not close friend. I’d also prioritise my best friends children’s kids birthdays. Birthdays are really special to young children and those relationships matter more to us all than a friend we’re not close to. Most family/friends kids are teens or adults now and we’re all still really close.

Barney60 · 21/09/2022 10:38

LuckySantangelo35
My family come first.
Birthdays are milestones whatever age to me, and id like to share them as often as i am able and invited too.
My friends would understand this as i would if the other way around.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:41

StandingInTheMoment · 21/09/2022 10:36

I’d prioritise grandchildren (although I don’t have any yet) or any of my nieces and nephews birthdays when they were 6 over a not close friend. I’d also prioritise my best friends children’s kids birthdays. Birthdays are really special to young children and those relationships matter more to us all than a friend we’re not close to. Most family/friends kids are teens or adults now and we’re all still really close.

@StandingInTheMoment

where does it say OP’s in laws are not close friends or the bride and groom

u don’t get invited to weddings of someone you barely know

weddings are really special to people way more than birthdays because well you know by virtue of weddings only happening the once whereas birthdays happen every single year

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