Page 13 | Would you prioritise your grandchild's birthday?

BrocoliTrees · 2022-09-21T06:51:35+00:00

Would you choose going to a friend's wedding (not close friends) over your grandchild's 6th birthday party? Even if the wedding invite came first, knowing the date of your grandchild's birthday, would you check to see what would be happening for their birthday? Being a Saturday too. Bit more context... what if you would also be moving to another part of the country from said grandchild the following week. Interested to know opinions.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:43

Barney60 · 21/09/2022 10:38

LuckySantangelo35
My family come first.
Birthdays are milestones whatever age to me, and id like to share them as often as i am able and invited too.
My friends would understand this as i would if the other way around.

@Barney60

your family can still come first and you can still miss a birthday to go to a wedding!

if you’re invited to a wedding it’s generally someone that you’re close to. They will get married once, birthdays happen every single year

six year old won’t remember whether granny was there or not but your friend is would deffo remember your absence at her wedding

LunchBoxPolice · 21/09/2022 10:44

Ohhhhh you’re that poster.

baxtersm · 21/09/2022 10:44

To be honest I'd think it very strange if someone said no to a wedding because it was their grandchild's 6th birthday!! I certainly wouldn't let my parents miss out over a birthday party..

LilacPoppy · 21/09/2022 10:44

I am not a grandparent, but I would be embarrassed to prioritise a friend unless a very close one.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/09/2022 10:45

Summerfun54321 · 21/09/2022 09:34

So your DC will have one set of GP nearby and involved and one set of GP in a countryside location away from it all that they can visit for a change of scenery/summer holidays. That’s a perfect set up surely? As your kids get older there’s absolutely no way they’ll have time for two nearby and very involved sets of grandparents, your in-laws can probably see ahead to that stage but you can’t. Also agree if you wanted them to attend a party you should have checked they were available first.

This. Your in laws will be very useful for the children for visits in the future.

I understand you’re upset. You’re focusing on what they’re not giving rather than what they are.

MissingNashville · 21/09/2022 10:48

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:24

@MissingNashville

if you wanna retain friendships and have a life outside of your family it is a fact

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I’ve got a really good group of friends. I have the family I choose to be in contact with. It’s not fact, everyone chooses differently. I prioritise the children’s birthdays of the people I’m close to over a not close friends wedding. You can do whatever you like with your family and friends, OP asked for opinions. 😂

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:50

LilacPoppy · 21/09/2022 10:44

I am not a grandparent, but I would be embarrassed to prioritise a friend unless a very close one.

@LilacPoppy

dont be embarrassed!

id be encouraging my in laws to go - it’s a one off event to celebrate a friends wedding and they would have a lovely time! They can come round to see my child and give them their birthday present or whatever another day

I don’t believe that being a mother or grandmother means you constantly have to worship at the alter of faaaaaamily 24/7 at the expense of everything and everyone else in life!

Friends matter too!

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/09/2022 10:52

As many others said. The wedding. As it’s a one off

birthdays are every year

and tbh If you want people to be be at yours on a date uou need to tell them

so you should have said dc birthday is on sat 22nd oct can you make it months ago if that important to you

for children seeing someone a day later adds the excitement for longer plus getting another pressie so sure they won’t mind not seeing gp on their birthday

they can ring or face time to sing happy birthday on their birthdays and see then the next day

yes they can move as well. It’s their life

MissingNashville · 21/09/2022 10:54

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 10:43

@Barney60

your family can still come first and you can still miss a birthday to go to a wedding!

if you’re invited to a wedding it’s generally someone that you’re close to. They will get married once, birthdays happen every single year

six year old won’t remember whether granny was there or not but your friend is would deffo remember your absence at her wedding

Show quote history

We’ve been invited to 3 random weddings this year, one we’ve only met the bride 3 times. 😬 We went to one, the other two we declined, one because we were attending a meal for our nephews 17th birthday. 🤷🏻‍♀️

LivingMyBestLie · 21/09/2022 10:56

I'd go to the wedding. The only time I'd choose a kids party is if it was particularly poignant for some reason.

PrettyLittleWilderness · 21/09/2022 11:02

The only people I’ve known that feel really strongly that children’s birthdays of other events shouldn’t be prioritised are people without children. My step nan didn’t have her own kids and used to get really annoyed if anyone turned town anything of hers or anyone else’s for anything for a child.

If if was a close friend, I’d go to the wedding but then my friends wouldn’t plan their wedding on my kids/grandkids birthdays. Anyone else’s wedding won’t be as important to me as my grandchildren’s birthday.

Ottersmith · 21/09/2022 11:03

I've never understood this thing of inviting adults to a child's birthday party. Surely they have seperate events because which adults would voluntarily go to that?

DappledThings · 21/09/2022 11:04

If either my parents or my PIL turned down a wedding invitation to come to a child's birthday party I'd think they were nuts.

ddl1 · 21/09/2022 11:05

It would depend somewhat on location, and how much the respective people wanted me, but probably the wedding. After all, the wedding- hopefully- would be a one-time event. I would try to make sure that I had some special time with the grandchild before the move, but it wouldn't have to be at the party itself- in fact, normally grandparents wouldn't be at a primary school age child's party, unless they lived with the family.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 11:07

beachcitygirl · 21/09/2022 10:08

I missed most of my own daughter 3rd birthday to go to best pal wedding
. She didn't have a clue, did it the next day (the Sunday ) instead. No biggie

You sound really hard work op

@beachcitygirl

omg you terrible mother you!

maddening · 21/09/2022 11:08

Wedding.

Have a meal with them before the holiday.

They are not moving to another country and cars and transport will still exist.

Twonewcats · 21/09/2022 11:08

BrocoliTrees · 21/09/2022 09:25

@venus7 maybe that is what they're doing, getting away from us. Fair enough. As pp have said, they have the freedom to do what they want. Their interest in the grandchildren has changed in the past few years. They were so enthusiastic to start with. Maybe that's what's confused us.

But it does work both ways. They will also have to accept that we will have priorities too and won't always be able to go and see them when they move when they want us to. Already, there's been quite a bit of pressure on us to visit and stay with them and we can't always make those commitments. Dc with special needs and a baby. Both work and have health problems ourselves. It's not easy.

I do see it from their point of view, they want their own lives and yes, maybe more acceptance of that is needed. We can't change their interest in family. It's just different to what I've known in my family.

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So they're pressuring you to visit and you can't always make those commitments.
They're desperate to spend time with you in their new home, but you're not prioritising them?
Some huge double standards going on here!

catndogslife · 21/09/2022 11:09

I think YABU.
Personally I would consider the birthday party to be for my DC and their friends and wouldn't expect GP to attend.
We would have a separate family meal with cake and presents for GPs on another date.

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/09/2022 11:09

PrettyLittleWilderness · 21/09/2022 11:02

The only people I’ve known that feel really strongly that children’s birthdays of other events shouldn’t be prioritised are people without children. My step nan didn’t have her own kids and used to get really annoyed if anyone turned town anything of hers or anyone else’s for anything for a child.

If if was a close friend, I’d go to the wedding but then my friends wouldn’t plan their wedding on my kids/grandkids birthdays. Anyone else’s wedding won’t be as important to me as my grandchildren’s birthday.

@PrettyLittleWilderness

lol as if any bride and groom are gonna be factoring in the dates of their guests grandchildren’s birthdays when they are setting a date for their wedding ! 🤣

Sarbears28 · 21/09/2022 11:13

Wedding, at 6yr old the child will almost definitely prefer to spend their birthday party with friends. Not adults. See the child the day after so they can excitedly talk about their party.

Porcupineintherough · 21/09/2022 11:13

@BrocoliTrees what are you hoping to get from this thread that you didn't get from the last 17 you started dealing with the issue of your mother moving?

Perhaps mumsnet can't give you the support you require with this. Perhaps you need to talk to someone 121

Booklover3 · 21/09/2022 11:17

I’m obviously in the minority but if it wasn’t a close friend I would priorities my grandchild… especially if I was moving away the week after.

WhoopItUp · 21/09/2022 11:17

Wedding.

BlancmanegeBunny · 21/09/2022 11:19

Wedding.

Notonthestairs · 21/09/2022 11:23

@BrocoliTrees - are you the poster that has posted umpteen threads about your inlaws moving away?

If so you need to stop judging them and stirring up unnecessary drama.

BTW I'd choose the wedding.