To be on the deeds of the house

[Unicornetto]

We aren't married but should I have my name on the deeds of the house?

Me and my partner have been together for 15 years and bought our first house 5 years ago. The house is in my partners name as I had no income at the time as we had just had a baby. I have had various part time jobs to fit in around the children over the last few years and haven't contributed to the mortgage just the food shopping and clothes etc for kids.

He has just remortgaged and I've been asked to sign the 'declaration of no interest' (I did this before) but I'm wondering if I should be on the deeds as we're not married? Is this possible if I don't pay the mortgage and I'm not on the mortgage? He said he doesn't believe in marriage, even though I do and says he's happy as we are. I'm just worried that I have no financial stability, which is due to giving up my full time job to raise our family. I asked him if its possible for me to go on the deeds and he said no as I'm not on the mortgage and gets really annoyed with me for asking. Just wondering what other unmarried couples have done in this situation?

@bellac11 , aren't you just charm personified!

Unicornetto can undoubtedly speak to her partner’s bank and solicitor if he gives her permission. And if he won’t then this will bring it to a head.

I know that she can because I have been in a similar position to this. And I did speak up, eventually.

Funnily enough, banks and solicitors suddenly find they are in a position of a duty of care if they are made aware of a particular situation a dependent is being placed in.

And I doubt OP’s partner will want her highlighting her position because it will embarrass him.

Years ago, I would imagine that someone posting here as a victim of trafficking would be told, “Nah, don’t bother, the council aren’t interested in little old you. I’m sorry. Bunch of flowers”

Well, what do you know. It transpires we live in a developed world society here in the UK where organisations will act if somebody is being placed in a coercive or vulnerable position that they are made aware of, even to a lesser extent than this. Her children could be at risk from such coercion. Some banks now have dedicated people, akin to counsellors to help with particular situations that may affect financial stability.

@HotDogKetchup, referring to it as a sob story is derogatory.

Lucky, you not finding yourself in her position. There but by the Grace, and all that, eh.

It never fails to amaze me how many women are in this position but what is more astounding is how some women crow over it and twist the knife.

OP, you are not yet “financially fu**ed” as another poster so glowingly put it! There is time to begin sorting this out.

Do return and some of us will try to help.

@Daringdarling you are suggesting that the lender might deviate from their very set protocol to accommodate OP - it isn’t going to happen.

He could give her permission sure. But why on earth is 'the bank' (which is some customer service bod on the line) going to talk to her, they're not agony aunts, they're not charities, they're not advice lines

OP has no need to speak to the bank, its her partner she needs to speak to, plus her own legal advice.

You keep referring to her as a dependent. She is not a dependent, she said further back in the thread that she is not on his application as a dependent. She works so is not a dependent.

No one is crowing over her situation but you're trying to infantilise her. Shes a grown woman, who using her own agency made choices that she made. She can certainly sort this out by seeking the right advice and putting this to her partner. He might not agree and then of course she needs to make a decision about what she would do then.

No one is crowing over her situation but you're trying to infantilise her. Shes a grown woman, who using her own agency made choices that she made. She can certainly sort this out by seeking the right advice and putting this to her partner. He might not agree and then of course she needs to make a decision about what she would do then.

Exactly, the “step by step” plan is just a fantasy.

The need for an occupiers waiver is set out in the CML - which is, a handbook of lenders rules. It is not discretional.

Its an effort to speak to an underwriter as the client or their solicitor never mind as an adult occupier…

No. I am not. Where did I say that?

What I am saying is that OP should make them aware. As I said, OP should use whatever spare income she has to consult her own IFA and a solicitor to advise her on this.

The bank can add that she exists, that they have spoken to her, they have children, that she is dependent and unhappy about it to their notes.

The OP and her partner may also use the same bank for a joint bank account.

From a legal viewpoint, OP will have recorded it and documented it.
Handy for the future. Or else what is to prevent her partner from claiming that she was deliriously happy about signing away her rights?

From a psychological viewpoint her action of speaking up will also give her a voice in this. A shot from the boughs to her partner that she isn’t little, ole, her indoors.

You never know, he may begin to see her life through her eyes.

What protocol troll and what knowledge do you have on mortgage lending policy if banks. My BF sets the lending criteria for a major British bank. Suck on that

Their notes!!!

Oh this is pure fantasy. Thanks for the laugh though

A shot across the bows, even!

Thank you for saying that, @Andypandy799

@bellac11 Why do you think banks don’t add notes to banking customers’ files?? How odd.
You are wrong. Very wrong

Don’t you think they have a legal obligation to do so?

’pure fantasy’? OK. If you say so.

Slight tangent millions are spent on algorithms by banks and other types of organisations to understand every desire, and thought process behind the purchasing patterns of their customers. You have no idea how much organisations are willing to spend in vast efforts to “get to know” their clients and prevent them from swapping to a rival.

Understanding = revenue = profit = bonuses.

UK citizens are continually appraised by banks and supermarkets, and the like each and every time we use their card and, guess what?

The cookies are tracking you. Can you imagine?!

No, you’re quite right they aren’t interested in knowing their customers - at -all.

She can't talk to his bank any more than she can't talk to his GP or solicitor. He would need to give permission for that. It's private and confidential. They won't do it. They definitely won't make changes based on what she tells them. She is not their client.

@BadNomad Please re-read.

I said OP would need to ask for her partner’s permission and talk together on a speaker phone.

He should be involving his partner and mother of their children in this. It’s about revealing whether this is laziness, ignorance or malicious intent.

If he doesn’t want her involved in speaking to them, well, well, well, then … his blasé view of not being particularly bothered about marriage falls off its axis and comes clanging to the floor, doesn’t it.

It will reveal that he cares an awful lot!

Yes they add notes to their files

They really dont go along the lines of

'discussion with Ms unmarried today, raised concerns about having agreed to raise 3 children with partner, unmarried and without financial security. Sounded very anxious and down. Customer service manager made it clear to her that this is none of our business and we dont know why she's phoning'

The lender knows of her existence - hence they have asked her to sign an occupiers waiver. It’s not a secret.

I’m sure your boyfriend will confirm. What’s your point.

I deal with this for a living, those suggesting OP phones and gets advice are advising she speaks to the likes of me…

Be totally counter productive to lend in circumstances that threaten their security. Which is what an adult occupier does.

OP needs to obtain legal advice and speak to her OH not appeal to the lenders better nature.

The OP cannot phone his bank any more than I can phone my neighbour's bank. She is a legal stranger to him.

Your only way out of this OP is marriage or a civil partnership.

It doesn't matter how "lovely or intelligent" you are-quoting an earlier pp-if he won't engage in a legal ceremony, you just don't count when it comes to his affairs.

For other posters, who might be contemplating three children without marriage and in a low paying job-if he thought you were so lovely and intelligent-a prize-he would want to marry you.

OP.Tell him you've won the lottery. He might rush you down to the registry office.

OK @bellac11, let’s ask @Andypandy799 about the relevance of note keeping on financial systems in banking.

Do you realise what happens when a bank customer is sui.ci. dal , for example ?

No, you’re right they take no notes whatsoever. They don’t want a situation on their hands that the customer may have recorded but they haven’t.

Algorithms on our phones are recording everything about us. Continually.

Some of those algorithms are powered by your banking app.

It’s quaintly sexist to imagine that banks aren’t interested in the woman of the household regardless of whether she is banking with them or not. They want the woman of each household to bank with them during her lifetime and to get her onboard too.

Research statistics frequently report that the main decision maker for consumer products in the household is the woman. Banks care about her motivations.

This is deviating from my original assertion that the OP should get the bank to document her stance on withdrawing her interest in the property in their notes on the mortgage of partner.

How much detail or influence banks’ digital filing notes have, is something view of us will ever know but one thing is for sure is that it’s in their benefit to know because it is powering household consumer decision making.

OP has nothing to lose by doing so.

but OP would be confirming information they already have?

I cant even respond any more you're on another planet, comparing it to if someone phones and they're suicidal.

But why does he need to give her permission to talk to them when he can do it himself? If he wanted to put her on the mortgage and deeds he would arrange it. She doesn't need to be on a group call for that. It doesn't give her any power. It is him who needs to sort this. If he wants.

@MindYourBeeswax , you’re quoting out of context there.

I was reminding her that she is I’m sure lovely and intelligent. I don’t think you have any concept of how coercion can outweigh a person’s normally logic reasoning and self worth in life.

OP said how worthless some of these responses made her feel. I have seen yobs with crass doom laden responses on here before.

OP sounds very much like she has had a sense of hopelessness over the years. A “what’s the point?” outlook that can be due to family or spousal conditioning.

You’re derogating her self worth and her motivation, here.

She has asked for advice. That takes courage.

And yes, I do think her partner will likely have chosen her well. Men like this prefer their partners kind, lovely, intelligent enough to listen and advise based on all the years they have known them but, and this is crucial … compliant.

Often, there is fear of abandonment at the root of these circumstances, let’s help and encourage the OP, shall we please.

Which begs the questions why would someone phone their bank in that scenario? Totally bizarre.

@HotDogKetchup now you’re being deliberately obtuse.

The subject was why banks do indeed take notes under particular circumstances whether it be dependency or a health issue.

I have already stated banks’ motivation for doing for soft and more grave purposes.

You wouldn’t score highly on a critical appreciation exam, because you are skim reading. You are exercising hyperbole to disprove a valid point.

At a stretch someone might ring the bank and become upset talking about their overdraft or credit card bill or cant pay their mortgage payments and during the conversation threaten suicide or say they're feeling suicide and of course there are processes to follow for staff

That is ENTIRELY different to Ms unmarried phoning up to complain that their boyfriend bought a house on his own and Ive got no pension and buy all the kids clothes dont you know. He's applied for a mortgage again on his own, what can you do for me?

The customer service bod is busily making notes that this sounds like a good customer in the making (she is female after all), better ensure she gets some junk mail through the post about new account opportunities. Oh and can I put you through to complete a quick survey about our service today?

And quite honestly the waiting times at most banks make you feel suicidal anyway.