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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Curtseying and bowing...

139 replies

FlowerArranger · 20/09/2022 16:25

Time to stop it, surely?

I could kind of understand it while the Queen was alive, as she was of a different era and used to it, probably considering it part and parcel of being the monarch.

But now? Have we not moved on? It just seems inappropriate and demeaning.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 20/09/2022 16:26

Neither is required. Its been up to each individual choice for years.

ItsRainingPens · 20/09/2022 16:27

It's not compulsory, you don't get carted off to the Tower or anything. Nowadays, many women choose to just bow their head

Original poster
FlowerArranger · 20/09/2022 16:31

Of course it is not compulsory - but people, especially those meeting the queen in an official capacity, by and large still did it.

Seeing the PM curtseying to KC just looked outdated and wrong to me.

I'm saying it's time to stop.

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 20/09/2022 16:31

Have you been told to do it personally?
No? Then I wouldn't let it bother you.
Each to their own.

bringincrazyback · 20/09/2022 16:36

I agree with you OP. It's a ridiculously obsequious and outdated practice, and I'm amazed in this day and age that anyone's willing to demean themselves enough to do it.

ReneBumsWombats · 20/09/2022 16:38

FlowerArranger · 20/09/2022 16:31

Of course it is not compulsory - but people, especially those meeting the queen in an official capacity, by and large still did it.

Seeing the PM curtseying to KC just looked outdated and wrong to me.

I'm saying it's time to stop.

So don't do it.

You don't get into any trouble if you don't. Although most people who take the opportunity to meet the royals like the idea of following tradition.

10HailMarys · 20/09/2022 16:39

Nobody has to do it. When you see footage of the Queen meeting a varied line up of people, you can often see people neither bowing nor curtseying. I remember seeing an interview with Alan Rickman where he said he'd met the Queen a few times and she'd always seemed nice, but that he had never bowed to her because he didn't believe in that kind of thing. I'd be the same.

Blossomtoes · 20/09/2022 16:39

It’s individual choice. If I met royalty I’d curtsy, you wouldn’t. Who cares? Obviously the Princess Royal disagrees with you.

NotLactoseFree · 20/09/2022 16:40

Watching the queen's funeral, I realised I'm okay with the sort of ceremonial curtseying - quite like it even. You know, as the coffin or Charles goes past and there's a sort of ripple effect and it feels like it's a general thing that's not about an individual. Sort of like reciting the Lords Prayer or making the correct responses in a church service.

But I'm very uncomfortable with the one-to-one curtseying/bowing thing - ie the bow/curtsy then step forward to shake hands. Curtsying even more so because it just looks so hideously awkward for everyone.

But it's not compulsory (except, I assume, for people who are actually part of the royal family and insist on it as part of the ceremonial aspect I mentioned above) so I let it go.

Westfacing · 20/09/2022 16:40

Curtsying in the Abbey looked particularly inappropriate... are we not all supposed to be equal in the eyes of God?

NotLactoseFree · 20/09/2022 16:50

Westfacing · 20/09/2022 16:40

Curtsying in the Abbey looked particularly inappropriate... are we not all supposed to be equal in the eyes of God?

Well supposedly she was Queen by the grace of God and her authority came from God so... no, not really in this context. Yes in the context of at the end of the day she is just "a simple christian soul" as I think I heard someone say on the TV, but certainly, the church absolutely is all about hierarchies etc.

girlfriend44 · 20/09/2022 20:21

FlowerArranger · 20/09/2022 16:25

Time to stop it, surely?

I could kind of understand it while the Queen was alive, as she was of a different era and used to it, probably considering it part and parcel of being the monarch.

But now? Have we not moved on? It just seems inappropriate and demeaning.

Absolutely agree

Nobody on this planet should be bowing and scraping to another.

The Royals should tell ppl not to aswell its cringeworthy.

HighlandPony · 20/09/2022 20:24

It all seems unnecessary to me. I’m of the firm belief that no one is better than anyone else because of their blood. Royal or otherwise.

Pinkbox · 20/09/2022 20:27

I remember reading that Meghan was surprised this happens behind closed doors, ie on entering a room she has to curtsy to Kate because of who the latter is married to.

Floweryflora · 20/09/2022 20:27

When the queens coffin was brought into holy rood house, Anne who had followed it down and who looked grief stricken, curtsied as it went into the house. It was very sad. I think it’s ok for it to be to the individual.

Maireas · 20/09/2022 20:28

Pinkbox · 20/09/2022 20:27

I remember reading that Meghan was surprised this happens behind closed doors, ie on entering a room she has to curtsy to Kate because of who the latter is married to.

No, she's never had to curtsey to Kate, however, the latter takes precedence at events, which is a different matter.
The only person she had to curtsey to was HMQ.

Maireas · 20/09/2022 20:29

BMW6 · 20/09/2022 16:26

Neither is required. Its been up to each individual choice for years.

Yes, absolutely, it's a personal choice.

dudsville · 20/09/2022 20:30

I've looked at a few pics of curtseying. It's the most awkward looking position.

Nesbo · 20/09/2022 20:32

I assume it is a bit like the military, where it is understood that you salute the rank, not the person. So if you choose to curtsy or bow it’s a sign of respect to the position, not to the individual who holds it.

Still doesn’t mean you have to do it, but it also doesn’t mean you are “demeaning” yourself if you choose to acknowledge that.

Kite22 · 20/09/2022 20:35

Well YABU to make it into a thing, as nobody has been required to curtsy for a long time.
I've met some royals and never curtsied or bowed.. It isn't and hasn't been required for a long time.

MsFizz · 20/09/2022 20:36

I'm with you OP. It boggles my mind. It's so demeaning. I get that it's not mandatory but it is expected... why?!

To be honest it's the people that buy into their subservience that confuse me most. I want to shake them and say "You know they are not better than you, they don't give a fig about you, and you will never be deemed good enough to rub shoulders with them... so why are you voluntarily kissing their boots??"

Nesbo · 20/09/2022 20:37

Is kissing boots compulsory? If so that does seem a bit off.

MsFizz · 20/09/2022 20:37

That last bit I'm mainly talking about us peasants, not royals curtsying to one another

BonesOfWhatYouBelieve · 20/09/2022 20:38

Why is it time to stop? I wouldn't do it, but I'm not going to tel other people they can't, if it's what they want to do.

I do think it should be acceptable for politicians etc to not do it and not be crucified in the media for it though. I imagine if Truss didn't, it would get a lot of comments.

MsFizz · 20/09/2022 20:39

Nesbo · 20/09/2022 20:37

Is kissing boots compulsory? If so that does seem a bit off.

Haha ok. Perhaps I exaggerate a little :)

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