"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

Well they are. I can even see the difference that hormones have done to their body.

Violence is a more male trait.
Crime is initiated by more men than women.
why not promiscuity? What? That’s not right on!

I don't believe people cheat because they are cheaters. Some obviously are because they keep repeating the pattern. I do believe there are people who deliberately seek out the opportunity to cheat, men like the OP is worried her husband might be, a successful older man who might decide to 'trade her in'. People in this group are almost always men.
I believe cheating occurs through a combination of factors. One of which is being presented with an 'irresistible" opportunity. Again those more likely to succumb are men, as far fewer opportunities will come their way. Women get very used to declining male attention, its almost a given that should we want sex we will get it. Whereas for a lot of men sexual interest from another woman especially after a certain age, can be very rare and hugely flattering.

@Eddieisadick Try not marrying a cunt - that should work

I think that just about sums it up😁

but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

Devotion can become stifling.

Not true. I was unhappily married for a decade. I have one life and am now much happier. Social media and my wedding had absolutely nothing to do with it ( no SM when I got married and only 50 guests).

I think the problem with 'Me and my Bryan would never cheat, we've got morals, we're best friends' is it ignores the reality both of how many affairs start, and, that until you get to the end of your life, you have no idea what changes will lie ahead for either of you.
There is a very binary view of cheating that sees the person go from non cheat to cheat, when in reality it can be a much more nuanced, slow process of gradual relaxing of boundaries. The colleague becomes a friend, becomes a 'best friend' becomes an emotional affair, until there can come a point when loyalty and love for the other person surpasses that to the spouse. Obviously there are stages along this path when a wise person calls a halt, but many don't recognise them, or convince themselves they're doing nothing wrong.
We see thread after thread of 'my DHs best friend is a woman' where people are told that men and women can be platonic friends, yet this so often proves not to be the case.
The other assumption is that feelings within the marriage remain static. They generally don't. Circumstances and life changes push people apart. So your best friend today may be barely recongnisable or tolerable in a decades time.
For those whose lives do give them the opportunity to have affairs, I think the most anyone can ever say is that 'right now, I'd not have an affair, and I'm pretty sure Bryan wouldn't either'. But it's a long life and we meet a lot of people.

I've known plenty of married women who've cheated..been in nursing and female dominated care work for donkeys years..I think women are better at cheating than men , who give themselves away quite often by stupid behaviours...and the women I know who had affairs did it for the same reasons men did ..variety , boredom at home , husband gone off the boil ( a regular comment !) , wanted sonething exciting to spice life up ...very few were ever found out , most kept up the situation until the kids left, or stayed married as it was secure and financially stable ....

also there's research about how many men are bringing up other mens children unwittingly as shown by the availability of dna tests , which suggests women are not that better behaved than men .

They’d have to make the moral decision and then there conscience will tell them that that it’s wrong?

Their conscience finds a way to justify the decision.

A lot of performers - especially those who front bands - have quite fragile egos and are used to fans worshipping them. It probably stops there for many of them, but I know people who have slept with well known musicians in their teenage years. Maybe the musicians find it hard not to stop all that when they settle down.

And I think that the slimness, beauty and glamour of their partners has nothing to do with them cheating.

I understand the rest of it but I don’t understand your last sentence

I've known DH since we were eleven, we didn't get together until 25, so a decade into his dating life, he's always favoured relationships over hook ups and I've never known him to cheat on anyone else (and I would've known), I have no reason to believe that will be any different with his wife, partner of 13 years and mother of his child. He doesn't work in a corporate environment and whilst he has female friends, I know them too and he's very open in his communication.
Some of it depends on your role in the relationship, if you're the trophy wife, yes you're likely to be replaced. Leopards don't change their spots. Using to see how many posters value themselves on looks and their male partners on earning/earning potential

I think the idea that women have the idea of its romantic, be together forever, is a bit old hat. You just have to read the post here to realise that many see its easy to move on from a relationship if you're a women as there are plenty men around (not a lot of quality but you can have fun trying out). A lot of women it appears will now bail from a marriage if it goes through a dull period.

I think everyone is as faithful as their options and it's best to always keep some independence (especially financially) should circumstances change.

Certainly an acceptable view but if you do enter a relationship with this view do point out to your partner that you're not convinced it'll last.

some men really are only as faithful as their options.

Well so are some women. Some men would rob you blind, so would some women. Some people (irrespective of sex/gender) just aren't very nice people.

A famous, good looking man doesn't just have to resist seeking out affairs, he has to actively reject offers. Film stars, sports stars etc are notorious for serial monogamy and cheating, but I doubt they are somehow morally different to the general population. They just have opportunity all around them.

Their wives may well be 'hot' but the point is that they seek variety. The epic womaniser John F Kennedy only had one standard for his many, many extra marital sexual partners and that was that he hadn't already shagged them.

Yeh but men can lose their looks, panic, cheat, feel relieved... rinse repeat. Or not.
But you can't say what somebody else values for their whole life every minute of it.

Good post

YANBU.

I have recognised this fact from a very young age. I had an extremely attractive, relatively successful, philandering cunt of a father.

I am getting married tomorrow to a lovely man but one who in no way matches my physical attractiveness or educational attainment/current earning power. I am older than him but the gap is relatively small. All of our friends have gently ribbed him about the fact that he is 'punching above his weight for the duration of our relationship and to that end he more or less worships the ground I walk on.

Would I have liked a very attractive partner or one who outearns me? Perhaps at times I have thought that I may.
But then my friends with such partners seem to exist in an almost intangible state of anxiety and deference to their partners/husbands.

Its always a compromise somewhere along the line and I have decided that I value being the 'prize' in the relationship and being adored and doted upon, even if that means that I do not swoon over my partner's looks or have the option of part time working whilst the DC are young.

There's of course no guarantee that my DH to be wont cheat but I have very purposely stacked the odds in my favour of my family not having to experience it.
And thats all that any of us can do when dealing with creatures as fickle and status driven as men.

I am getting married tomorrow to a lovely man but one who in no way matches my physical attractiveness or educational attainment/current earning power.

I just saw this video of not to date down when it comes to men.
Because it just feeds their ego, they are not going to be ”gratefull” and appreciate what they have, they just get more entitled.

I just saw this video of not to date down when it comes to men.
Because it just feeds their ego, they are not going to be ”gratefull” and appreciate what they have, they just get more entitled.

Oh well then he simply must be waiting to get that ring on my finger before becoming an entitled arsehole 😁

Sounds like a terrible way to enter a marriage.

I don't think it applies to all men. I think faithfulness is a decision and for whatever reason more women are faithful than men but many women are not.

I think almost all affairs happen because of opportunity. Very few men or women would seek out an affair if happy with their current relationship but even those who are happily married/settled might find themselves with a new friend or colleague and the temptation is there and I think men find that harder to resist.

I know I'm not a cheat because I've been presented numerous times with the opportunity and chosen not to exercise it. I work away a lot, go to conferences a lot, work in male-dominated fields, and have also found colleagues attractive and would have, if not married, definitely gone there. I just take myself out of the situation actively as a conscious choice, sometimes a bit regretfully but knowing what I have is so much more.

I think my husband did the same, although I don't think he was as tempted as me! No idea why.

One thing that might have made a difference to us is that both our fathers are/were unfaithful and had more than one affair, so had a strong motivation not to repeat this endless cycle of faithlessness and destruction (and waiting for other children to pop up at funerals).

That said you could never say never. I can say unlikely though.

you think cheating on a spouse is a modern phenomenon?

how quaint.

Well, you never know! 😉

OP, to say "Men are only as faithful as their options" is hugely insulting to all the faithful men out there.

Having said that there is no sure-fire way to stop a man cheating (unless you chain him up in the shed and just let him out for meals 😀) So I would advise any young woman considering marriage to make sure you have good earning potential, some savings and a good independent support network beforehand.

The Catholic Church and some 'High' Anglican Churches hold marriage preparation classes for young couples.
These cover such topics as :-
Spirituality/faith
Conflict resolution skills
Careers
Finances
Intimacy/cohabitation
Children
Commitment

This gives engaged couples the chance to find out where they are 'on the same page' and where they are not, and how it can be improved. It's a chance to iron out any minor problems before they develop into a real big issue.
It also throws up potential areas of incompatibility, and I've known some couples break off an engagement after completing the course.

The Catholic Church and some 'High' Anglican Churches hold marriage preparation classes for young couples.

It doesn’t need to be “High” Anglican. Common or garden Anglican churches run marriage preparation courses too.

I know because I attended one.