"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

Nap time.

So many couples I have known it’s not the FT working parent having an office fling, it’s the SAHP who’s taken up with someone in the village. 😉

A quick Google says 85% of affairs start at work, so I think maybe your village is a bit of an anomaly @Discovereads.

Is this where you got that statistic from?
”it is said that around 85% of affairs start in the workplace”
www.jacksonlees.co.uk/do-most-affairs-start-workplace

There’s other therapy and solicitor sites repeating this, but no source ever linked.
It is said= hearsay. Very unscientific.

Its only hearsay that Mrs Bun the Bakers wife is shagging Hugh Pugh Barney McGrew at nap time too I'd have thought.

True. It’s all hearsay.
Besides, with 80% of men in work and 72% of women in work, it stands to reason that most affairs start at work. But because work makes people want to rip each other’s clothes off or has “more opportunities” for affairs but because that’s simply where most people go all day long.

I think there’s an equal chance whether you’re working, or economically inactive as a SAHP of starting an affair. That the opportunities are roughly equal, as in cheaters gonna cheat.

So, to assess this we have to calculate whether the rate of affairs among the employed is similar to the rate of affairs amongst SAHPs. As people in work make up a vastly larger porportion of the population than SAHPs do, we can’t compare the absolute % of affairs started in places x, y or z.

Argh. Dropped a not. Not because work wants to make people rip each other’s clothes off blah blah…

If a man is going to cheat, nothing you can say or do is going to prevent that happening. Equally there are some who would never cheat.
Unfortunately there seem to be more of the former than the latter.

I agree, I also think that society and film etc tells men they need to have lots of sexual partners, James Bond etc shagging everything that moves and sadly a lot of men have a bit of a mid life if they haven’t slept with what they consider enough women and start to look around. If a man does this to you then you are well rid quite honestly he’s a shit. Society generally accepts that men want to “sow their oats “. I don’t believe all men are like this and I think some men just wouldn’t do it no matter how much they were pursued. I get there are women who cheat but I think men are more likely to do it because it’s more acceptable for a man even now. I think women generally cheat if something is wrong or the feel they are not getting something from their relationship but some men will just cheat because they want to shag someone different. I hate to say this but I also think there is a certain amount of hormones involved especially with younger men, it isn’t an excuse though they should be able to control themselves ffs. I think generally men settle down a bit more as they get older, you’ll always get one who’s still at it when they are old, But my husband honestly couldn’t be arsed now! He told me years ago as a young man he had two women “on the go” and he said he found it stressful and couldn’t be bothered with it all.

I agree OP.

I agree! I just really hope my lovely husband doesn’t turn into a twat!

Generally speaking my experience has been that men over estimate their own attractiveness/eligibility and women underestimate it, this might be why some men think they can do better. That’s society’s fault though and the media for pushing out higher standards for women

Rubbish. Not all men cheat. They may be tempted but there are devoted and committed husbands and partners out there who wouldn't dream of it. I know DH better than he knows himself and I know he never would cheat. He loves me and would be eaten up by guilt but it's not something I ever worry about as I know he isn't like that.

This is just so naive tho.

You'd like to think he would never cheat etc etc but you can't 100% guarantee what another person would do.

I bet my husband would say all the same things about me

MN gives a screwed up version of men. Planting them all as would be cheaters. I don't believe that is the reality. Know a large group of couples and only one that I have heard of cheated and that was the woman.
Generally, most couples are happy enough not to go looking elsewhere.

All any of us have is the moment we are are in. Every day things shift, life is fluid and constantly changing, including relationships. Nothing is certain, and as the saying goes “all love stories are a tragedy in the end”. Either you stay together forever until one of you dies, and leaves the other heartbroken. Or you split up before then, maybe infidelity, maybe something else.

So there’s not point in wondering about the what ifs. If today is good, then great, enjoy it. If not, change it.

MN is full extremes. It's either "my DH would never cheat he is 100% devoted to me and never even LOOKS at another woman" or "All men are rabid sex maniacs, straining at the bit to be able to cheat given half a chance", The truth is in the middle, some men tend towards the former, some men tend towards the latter. And women are the same.

Yes and no. People who become massively famous / multi-millionaires are probably likely to have more self confidence and less scruples than most. That doesn't mean everyone who does fits that criteria btw, but 'trampling your way to the top' is a cliche for a reason.

Hyper-successful men will attract young, beautiful women looking for a career boost. This is unlikely to be the case for you well off, handsome husband who happens to run a GP practice, vs y'know a Hollywood actor.

Even with that, plenty of folk will cheat given the opportunity, alcohol etc. Good looking or otherwise. Some will face more temptation than others.

If your relationship is working and there no obvious reason to suspect a problem (e.g. you're not dating Leonardo DiCaprio and it's the day before your 25th birthday) then I'd suggest cultivating a life outside your relationship and trying to relax.

Absolutely agree

My dad looks VERY young gor his age and is very fit/sporty. He's also extremely tall and used to play basketball all his life at a semi-serious level. He's actually the spitting image of a famous white NBA player and used to get approached by people thinking it's him. He's also super nice/witty/charming and definitely got/gets attention from women. However, I can honestly 1 million percent be sure that he has never and would never cheat on my mum. He's just not that type of person.

The same with my grandfather who has known my grandmother since nursey and in their 65 years of marriage this has never even come up as a point of discussion. It's just not something he would ever even consider. And again, he definitely had options and opportunities.

Not all men are morons. (Unfortunately, my ex-husband was one though).

I'm not sure I buy this because blanket statements rarely cover everyone truly. I think it's probably true for some men but for a wide range of reasons- boredom, loneliness, thrill seeking, feeling in a rut, poor self esteem etc etc who knows. But I think it's a little cynical to apply that principle to all men. I wholeheartedly trust my DH but that's because his actions and words line up consistently. He says what he means and does what he says and we're good for as long as that continues because that's the standard I expect from my partner. I am a believer that men will be more inclined to do what they want, so how they treat you is how they want to treat you and all we can do is act accordingly. But I think putting it down to just 'being male' does a)a disservice to the men who aren't out being unfaithful and b)is too easy an excuse for the ones who are.

Office flings one-nighters and affairs are common.

With so many working from home it'll be upsetting though if he decides he doesn't fancy a bit of cheeky office romance.

I ended up at the cinema last night so didn't properly respond (I didn't want to be that annoying guy with the mobile phone!) but as ever you're quite right. Men do overwhelmingly do all the chasing and most offices are littered with false friends like you describe.

I don't think it gets women completely off the hook (unless they don't know the man is attached) but I guess there'd be fewer office encounters if men just did what they're supposed to do and put all that stupid energy into their work!

And you're right. In over 20 years, other than meeting my wife, work has been pretty uneventful and decidedly unspectacular (other than the work itself, which has been great). I'm happy with that! I did get on really well with a female colleague once (just friends) and she cried when I told her I was leaving. I've no idea what to make of that at all.

Men do overwhelmingly do all the chasing and most offices are littered with false friends like you describe.

I don't think it gets women completely off the hook (unless they don't know the man is attached) but I guess there'd be fewer office encounters if men just did what they're supposed to do and put all that stupid energy into their work!

Is this not just an extension of the fact that overwhelmingly there is still a societal expectation that men 'make the first move', be it in a bar, down the gym or in the workplace? Does this 'first move' just happen in a vacuum or do the two parties concerned have months of mutual flirting, cosy lunches, shared coffee and cigarette breaks before the bloke suggests that post work drink or dinner? I am a freelance engineer, I have worked in dozens of different organisations from small consultancies through to large 5,000+ employee multinationals and I have seen the above played out more times then I can remember, both parties know the marital status of the other but are happy to ride that train as its a fun distraction and mentally they have reconciled that no lines have been crossed, they are just friends, right up until the point it becomes a romance. The idea that if men just stuck to the day job then there would be fewer office encounters is lacking nuance as it somewhat assumes that women are just innocent bystanders with no agency who can't help but be positively receptive no the wily charms of their make co workers rather then be active participants insofar as putting in the groundwork that allow things to escalate.

The director is currently being spammed with requests for events to begin again.
I think Saleman Nige is missing his yearly perv over the staff in the finance department.
Here's my room key darling I'll see you up there at 11 pm nudge, nudge.