"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

'Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.'

Well, you can't, just like they can't be sure their wives aren't cheating, or you can't be sure they won't clear out your joint bank account and spend it all in some dodgy pyramid scheme or something.

But you can have a fairly good idea of the person you're with and whether they're likely to cheat based how they're acting but basically you have to just hope for the best.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Affairs like this aren't just about the men though as unless all these men are having affairs with each other then it's just as prevalent among women. I can't believe that all these women are as gullible as to believe these men are single.

No-one can be 100% sure of their partner whether you're a man or a woman but to live in a constant state of suspicion must be awful. I married someone I trusted and we worked hard at keeping our relationship going as a couple. It takes both of you to want to make it work.

Agreed. Exactly why the fear of god punishing people for bad behaviour was such an effective policing tool throughout human history.

Adultery is listed as one of the Ten Commandments for a reason.

The cuckolded spouse might not know, but god might know and punish.

Don’t berate me for this statement and I am certainly not a misogynist myself but I know some who are.

It is discussed amongst “some” men that as they get older and more wealthy etc

However they think womens options are limited as they get older as they are less fertile and therefore useful

i will go hide behind the couch before I get hatred

2 comments/sayings I've heard which I thought had truth in them, however unpalateable:

For men, sex is sometimes more of a bodily function than it is for women and more easily detached from any emotional bond. A generalisation, but I do think it holds true to some extent.

An old saying: Marriage (or a committed relationship) is the price men (used to) pay for sex. Sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Yes, these might be out-dated ideas...but I think there's something in them! Anthropology does tend to support them.

I don't know. Perhaps she had developed feelings, as both men and women are often inclined to do when they spend so much time together with a person they get on very well with. I guess the fact that she may have, but didn't reveal them says something.
On the other hand, work friendships are weird aren't they? Spend more waking hours together than you do with your family, get very close within the context of the job, then one leaves and not only have you lost your support, but the chances are you'll never see them again. Or if you do its likely to be one of those awkward stilted catch ups, where you realise that it's really not the same anymore. It's very sad when your work best mate leaves.

An old saying: Marriage (or a committed relationship) is the price men (used to) pay for sex. Sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Sorry, but why is marriage a 'price' that men have to 'pay'?

Study after study has shown that married men are happier, healthier, have longer lives and better jobs than their single male counterparts. Marriage seems like a great deal for men. Not so much for women.

Any other misogynistic 'sayings' you'd like to share with us?

I wouldn't worry, you're not saying anything original.
I think what men fail to realise though, is their own options also become limited. There are only a limited number of young women who would be prepared to accept old men for their money.
Many women would think that when a man reached the age where he was no longer good looking, his sexual performance (and indeed his own fertlity) had declined, along with his energy levels, strength, fitness, he was no longer useful compared to a younger man. Truly, he would need to be very wealthy to compensate.

This is very true.

It cracks me up that so many men seem to think that just because they've 'risen' to the role of middle manager and have got a semi D in Solihull, hot young babes will be queuing up to be with them. Much more likely they'll be looking for hot young men.

IcedPurple · Today 16:56
An old saying: Marriage (or a committed relationship) is the price men (used to) pay for sex. Sex is the price women pay for marriage.
Sorry, but why is marriage a 'price' that men have to 'pay'?
Study after study has shown that married men are happier, healthier, have longer lives and better jobs than their single male counterparts. Marriage seems like a great deal for men. Not so much for women.
Any other misogynistic 'sayings' you'd like to share with us?

Fascinating that you interpret that saying as misogynistic! I would have said just the opposite - it's very rude (and generalising, as I tried hard to point out) about men. It portrays a very cynical view of men, surely, as only prepared to show responsibility and commitment in exchange for regular sex.

How you can see it as misogynistic baffles me. I tried, in my post, to point out that I think it's an unfair generalisation about men but it never occurred to me that it was insulting to women!

There are loads of misogyinistic sayings, I'm sure, but that isn't one of them. And just be clear before anyone jumps on me for misanthropy...I certainly don't think all men are like that.

How you can see it as misogynistic baffles me.

To me, it ties in with the whole 'ball and chain' view of marriage as being something that ties men down and limits them, when in fact marriage benefits men in almost every way. It's reflected even in the language we use. An unmarried woman is a sad 'spinster' whereas a man is an unencumbered 'bachelor'.

I acknowledge that you may not have intended it this way however.

Then you look at Richard É Grant who loved his ‘little monkey’ with his whole heart.

It’s about connection. If someone is mainly interested in looks, there’s a fair chance their head could be turned by someone younger. If it’s absolute love for the whole person, that’s not as likely to happen.

They are outdated, anthropologists only supported them as common social constructs, not unalterable biological fact.

Might have had some truth back when women had to marry for financial reasons but women marry men they are happy to be with now.

When that saying was counted, did women have the freedom to stay single if nobody they liked asked for their hand in marriage!! Look at Charlotte from pride and prejudice, she knew Mr Collins was a supercilious shallow self important bore, but she had to tell herself that she was free to read most of the day.

On the other hand, work friendships are weird aren't they?

You're not wrong there and even weirder when you're like Maurice Moss from the IT Crowd.

I literally couldn't have an affair at work. It's nothing moralistic on my part. A woman would literally have to be standing straight up naked in front of me before I would realise, "oh so you......." 🤦

Then you look at Richard É Grant who loved his ‘little monkey’ with his whole heart

Interesting that you should mention him, because I think he's an outlier. A lot, not all but a fair few men don't seem to be able to be on their own after their partner dies. We see it all the time with famous (and non famous) men. I've no doubt Paul McCartney adored Linda, but it didn't take him long to find someone else after she died. They'll be grief stricken for a few months, then the next thing we see is an article about how so and so has made them happy again after the devastation of losing their wife a few months earlier, and they're now ready to move on and take the next step. Whereas it appears women in the same position take a lot longer, if ever, to get married again/move in with a new partner. Tbh, I think if I died before my husband, it wouldn't be long til he'd found a new partner, despite telling me otherwise. He just loves being in a couple, whereas I'm not sure I'd ever bother with it all again.

Men and women just have completely different mindsets.

Also just to add to that, I think either Grant or his wife or both of them were in relationships with other people, but he brushed it all off as the two of them being in love so it had to happen.

One factor is the sexual/relationship market is poor for older women. One because men die younger so it leaves a surplus of older women and I think women in general age better into old age post-menopause than women. Therefore if their husband dies, unless it's at a young age women are less likely to meet anyone else to get serious with. But for an older widower who has had a happy marriage, there's likely a bigger pool of women to pick from and added to the fact older men feel they need a woman in their life more than an older woman is likely to need a man.

Unfortunately, all married (straight) women have to deal with this. It all comes back to women's high standards. Your husband had to bust his fucking ass just to qualify for you in the first place. Women date up, it just is what it is.

Because there's less eligible men than women, if a man is able to secure a mate, he's a higher risk to cheat.