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Original poster

"Men are only as faithful as their options"

270 replies

Grandeur · 20/09/2022 13:33

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

OP posts:
Sunnyqueen · 20/09/2022 20:54

Never got the fascination with Adam levine. Not attractive at all and just looks like a slime all.
But yeah you are spot on. I mean if Beyonce can get cheated on by Jay-Z (!) what hope have us average Jane's got? Might as well order that Chinese, hair up make up off cos it makes noooo fucking difference.

Meili04 · 20/09/2022 20:59

My DH earns more than me I'm 6 years younger , I take care of myself and I'm more attractive than him. He could leave me trade me in but I have a career hobbies and I'm attractive . I would always keep my independence and career going.

MissHavishamsMouldyOldCake · 20/09/2022 21:01

I've just been reading up on Adam Levine's antics. He messaged his mistress months after their fling to ask if she'd mind if he gave his new baby her name. What a twisted thing to do. Confused

Farmhouse1234 · 20/09/2022 21:12

I’ve often wondered who, out of my friends will still be married in 20/30 years time. None seem to be in trouble now, but you never know what goes on behind closed doors. The few people I’ve known to have affairs have been men, married youngish and children out of nappies and who reported being unhappy for a while… chugged along and then someone caught their eye. Not serial shaggers.
Rather depressingly both men have found other partners (post divorce) whilst the ex wives are still single. One is in his mid late 50s and gf is mid 30s. Both men are well off ‘important’ jobs.

I know if my marriage broke down, my OH would likely find someone much easier than I would.

I wouldn’t say 100% he’d never cheat. I’ve been cheated on by everyone I’ve ever dated. Hoping this will be the exception!

trilbydoll · 20/09/2022 21:15

I agree with pp, everyone is as faithful as their options but women are more knackered or maybe just less likely to be considering their options. Or they have more to lose materially (assuming the man is the stereotypical higher earner)

Men do take more risks though don't they? Isn't that why they go to war etc, they aren't as rise averse as women?

Eddieisadick · 20/09/2022 21:23

Try not marrying a cunt - that should work

Againstmachine · 20/09/2022 21:25

"Men are only as faithful as their options"

Try replacing with women, women will and do exactly the same don't pretend they don't because they do.

J0y · 20/09/2022 21:28

Agree. And even ugly men who have done well with the partner they have will risk losing her for an option.

5128gap · 20/09/2022 21:55

Againstmachine · 20/09/2022 21:25

"Men are only as faithful as their options"

Try replacing with women, women will and do exactly the same don't pretend they don't because they do.

I disagree. I think women having 'options' is really no big deal. Most women can get sex pretty much as and when they want it, and the typical woman spends far more time declining offers than accepting them. Most ordinary men are not in that position as women don't typically queue up to proposition them. I think this means they are more likely to be flattered and take the rarer opportunities offered to them.

HRTQueen · 20/09/2022 22:14

yes the majority of men are only as faithful as their options

its nothing to do with love or how good a relationship is it’s just down to the option to have sex

most men don’t get the chance to often outside of their relationships (unless they look for it which doesn’t quite boost the ego in the same way)

RedAppleGirl · 20/09/2022 22:17

Opportunity is the key to cheating.

user29 · 20/09/2022 22:27

Some men not ALL men , the same as some women cheat.

FinallyHere · 20/09/2022 23:03

People cheat because they can, and want to. So anyone who doesn't cheat either doesn't want to, or can't.

Choose someone who doesn't choose to. Good luck.

Againstmachine · 20/09/2022 23:08

@5128gap

I disagree people cheat because they are cheaters it's not always about ease of access.

There is this narrative on Mumsnet that women don't do that when clearly they do and I've witnessed it.

Outofdepthmum · 20/09/2022 23:20

The reason people (including women) have affairs is very little to do with the primary relationship. The affair is a reflection of a self they can’t have in Real Life - in the affair they are exciting and dangerous and thrilling. That’s why people do it.

But it is also like stealing. If I stayed in someone’s house I wouldn’t go through their things and steal their valuables just because I thought I could get away with it. It is not in me, in my social code to do this. I don’t define myself as a thief and therefore don’t behave like one. Cheating is exactly the same. You’re either a cheat, or you’re not. That’s all.

youlightupmyday · 21/09/2022 04:38

You’re either a cheat, or you’re not. That’s all.

Like most people who opine on this topic, this again shows absolutely no knowledge on the subject other than a bit of anecdata.

I remember reading research that people who believed the above were actually more likely to leave their partners as they believed that when they were given the opportunity to cheat, because they were above cheating, it must actually be love so we're more likely to break up a family to do so as it was a proper love affair. Unlike, your everyday scumlike cheaters.

youlightupmyday · 21/09/2022 04:46

Againstmachine · 20/09/2022 23:08

@5128gap

I disagree people cheat because they are cheaters it's not always about ease of access.

There is this narrative on Mumsnet that women don't do that when clearly they do and I've witnessed it.

Not only do women cheat as much,.if opportunity presents, but they also.do subconscious things like dress showing more skin when they are ovulating.

Makes sense; the genes you need for a healthy baby could come from a more macho man than the nurturing man who will help build a home.

We definitely do cheat too, so the 'men are wankers' narrative only gets you so far. The main difference offered by research is opportunity.

Of course not everyone is a cheater, but it is definitely higher than you think and you personally, may even do it one day.

Oblomov22 · 21/09/2022 05:21

I disagree with most on this thread. You can't trust anyone 100%. Err yeah, I can trust me.

If I was given the opportunity to cheat risk free... "you pretend it's morals". Nope. I still wouldn't. It's important to me. My honour.

Oblomov22 · 21/09/2022 05:32

I agree with @mydogisthebest

DancingBudgie
"You can never say that your partner will never cheat..... equally, you can't say that you will never cheat either. "

Err how can anyone say that. You don't know that the rest of us won't. I have strong feelings about it and know I never would. It's not in my nature, my morals, I feel strongly about it.

You may not. Do you may struggle to comprehend my view.

But please don't tell me you know I would cheat. You don't know.

Arou · 21/09/2022 05:34

I actually completely disagree with this. Me and my partner are best friends, same hobbies and interests and I know if the option presented itself he wouldn’t go there. Looks have nothing to do with it. Idk why people are saying it’s naive to say that - it’s just trust and choosing someone you can trust. Maybe this thread and mumsnet are skewed in the ‘I have an affluent husband who has wandering eyes and I have to put up with the possibility of cheating or trade that for the life I have’ and not so much the ‘I married my best mate and we are spiritual equals’. I don’t think it’s normal to have this weird paranoia that one day if the option is good enough, your marriage vows will be broken like they meant nothing. In the minority on this thread but there it is.

theworldhas · 21/09/2022 05:51

It’s the modern attitude to marriage and relationships that’s the problem. A marriage used to be about commitment and raising a family. Now it’s a fun day of dress up and social media likes, and the relationship is supposed to be assessed weekly/monthly to see if it’s “working” for our individual goals.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 21/09/2022 06:51

theworldhas · 21/09/2022 05:51

It’s the modern attitude to marriage and relationships that’s the problem. A marriage used to be about commitment and raising a family. Now it’s a fun day of dress up and social media likes, and the relationship is supposed to be assessed weekly/monthly to see if it’s “working” for our individual goals.

Uuhmm….
Marriage was created by bunch of misogynystic men to control women.
They wanted to know that their kid was theirs, so shamed women to be virgins until marriage and shamed women for being single.
That pushed women to marriage.
Men also wanyed to control women’s bodies, remember that it wasn’t until 90’s when they made rape in marriage illegal.

There has never been anything honoravle about marriage, it’s very anti-women in fact.
No time should have anyone put it on the pedestal.

RedAppleGirl · 21/09/2022 06:52

The stats point to most affairs/cheating happening in a social setting, with co-workers, events, gym, etc.
It's all to do with opportunity, work events are a primer, and social events connected to gyms again are a primer, girls' and boys' nights out are again a primer.
Men and women statistically cheat the same and half of all cheaters repeat the behavior, it's habitual.
Infidelity is common now.

NormalNans · 21/09/2022 06:54

IrmaGord · 20/09/2022 13:44

You'll get some women coming on saying they know for a fact their husband/partner would never do that, but I agree with you. Men have a different mindset to women (not all men obviously, but I'd say the majority). I'm 'happily' married, but I've seen and heard too much about other relationships to be able to say that DH would never cheat.

It's sad, but I'm also glad I'm not blind to the reality of things.

Why do you think men are any different to women?

RedAppleGirl · 21/09/2022 07:17

theworldhas · 21/09/2022 05:51

It’s the modern attitude to marriage and relationships that’s the problem. A marriage used to be about commitment and raising a family. Now it’s a fun day of dress up and social media likes, and the relationship is supposed to be assessed weekly/monthly to see if it’s “working” for our individual goals.

👌