"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

Oh, I really thought we were past calling women frigid.
What a shame!

Yes, but some men go looking for the options while others do not. Of course there are the celebs that might have women throwing themselves at them....which is different. But for example, if I wanted to, I could go flirt with men, get attention etc...but I am more likely to avoid it. Same with my dh. He is not that type to go flirt w women etc. He prefers to stay home with us then going out.

Not every man no. But I think a fair majority would if they could be absolutely certain it wouldn’t come back to bite them.

Some men literally just want their cake and to eat it too, they want to be with their wife but want a bit on the side too, because some men are selfish and have big egos so think they can get away with it, especially the ones who’s wives are financially reliant on them and they take advantage of that.

I reckon though, if you gave people a chance to have sex with someone else without any repercussions and without losing or damaging their relationship with their SO, that a good majority of them would take it.

Yes sadly I think there's truth in it. I do believe a lot of men wouldn't pursue anyone else BUT if it was "offered on a plate" (so to speak) with zero chance of anyone finding out... Well I think many would go for it. I love and trust my husband and I know he loves me but I really can't be sure he wouldn't have a one night stand if he got the chance with someone gorgeous, and he knew I'd never find out.
I do raise an eyebrow when women say say "Oh my DH would never look at another woman, would never watch porn" etc. I mean I'm sure a lot of men don't watch porn but I'm also sure plenty of wives don't know the full extent of their DH's sexual desires.
I remember Dawn French talking about how Lenny Henry only liked big ladies because in his carribean culture ladies were larger. She said he had no interest in skinny women. Well he had an affair with - a skinny blonde!! A friend of mine always talked about how her DH was so disgusted by lapdancing clubs. How he found them demeaning to women and he couldn't understand how anyone could visit them. Both he and she would often mention his disgust of lapdancing clubs. Then one night I was out and saw him leaving a lapdancing club!! I'm just giving these examples to show how often men can portray themselves a certain way and women will believe this whole heartedly (because it's what they want to hear) and actually the opposite is true. So when I hear women say "MY DH would never do..." I always think "How can you be so sure?!".

Yes but Charles had been in love with Camilla for years when he married Diana Spencer. I think he saw Diana as pretty but an airhead.

You do make several good points and I think that’s why we can’t truly really live in anarchist society, we as humans need some kind of rules and regulations to follow.

Having said that, perhaps this is me being naive, but I’m now 30 and as I grow older day by day, my optimism wanes a lot more, but I still think that given the choice between right and wrong, whether it’s in public or private, most people will choose the right thing to do.

I like reading about moral acquisition and I do find different philosophers’ views fascinating, such as when it comes to socialism, libertarianism and anarchism etc., but I genuinely think that the human race has a lot more to offer than we give it credit for. Human beings have so much potential.

Without going off on a tangent, affairs are bound to happen because we have the free will to make our own choices, but I don’t think they’re inevitable. I’d be curious if those who embark on affairs or even, like your example, rob a bank, would they enjoy it? It’s not a compulsive thing, right? They’d have to make the moral decision and then there conscience will tell them that that it’s wrong?

If someone was given a choice between the red pill and blue pill, where with the former you can take it and wantonly disregard rules with no consequences, or choosing the latter means that you can break rules but you’d need to face up to the consequences, I wonder what the likelihood is people choosing the red pill over the blue pill?

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@IrmaGord Seems to me like your friend finally saw her hopefully STBXH’s true colours. Clearly re-writing history and following “the script” as they say. I’m sure someone more knowledgeable will come along and share links, but I only found about this script from Mumsnet and what gaslighting was etc., but it was interesting how a subset of men unknowingly followed this script when it came to rationalising unfaithfulness.

Shouldn't some anger be reserved for the women who go out of their way to sleep with older, richer, often married men?

@ImJustMadAboutSaffron not really. Well I didn't see it that way. Camilla bows down to Charles. She's happily cut his toenails if he asked. Diana wasn't one to take any crap. Charles needed a mother. Diana wanted a husband.

Not concerned but not naive either. As a twenty something in a City law firm about 80% of the senior men were decent family men 20% were serial shaggers.

Dh leapt on working from home and loves it we do a lot together culturally / travel etc and still value each other / chat etc. But I’m not complacent and ensure I have my own life / friends / hobbies / income so if he did bugger off I would have still have a decent (albeit very different) life.

'My' OW when I was cheated on many years ago was, unusually, a lot older than both of us. We were in our 20s. She was better looking, more confident, had more life skills and was probably much better company than me. She was in fact a thoroughly lovely woman. (She had no idea he was in a relationship and soon kicked him to the curb when she found out, as did I, obviously.)
Decades later I can see objectively that he simply became besotted with her and couldn't believe his luck when she was interested, like he couldn't bring himself to pass up the chance. He was a 'nice guy' too, but I suppose most people have their price.

I think this applies to most men, but not all men.

I'm very confident my partner wouldn't cheat, mostly because I think he's very trustworthy and committed, but also because he's too lazy. I'm not cocky enough to know this for a fact, but I'm confident.

But, even If he was to cheat, there are definitely men out there who wouldn't cheat due to love and devotion, not just because of lack of options. They do exist, but far too many of the other type of men exist too!

When he goes off to do his hobby I often do fun stuff with the teens which he hates missing out on - he would get massive missing out syndrome if he was with someone else and we were off having fun! Reckon he would ask to come!

Sadly I agree with this and the older I get, the more true it seems to be! I miss my youthful naïveté!

Does the same go for woman? Are they only as faithful as their options?

Because it so so much easier for woman have sex than men

I think some would but then imagine facing their mum, dad, siblings, in-laws and kids afterwards and decide it's not worth it.

William gets press gagging for his to a point so we'll never have a big revelation come out.

I'm of the opinion that anyone can cheat at anytime, no matter how sure you are of them or yourself.

Situations change; financial, health, attitudes etc. Nothing is static. All it takes is stress, an accident, a sick child, whatever, and suddenly an affair is the remedy.

So while I'd say I wouldn't cheat today and I don't think my husband would either, I'm not certain, and tomorrow anything could happen.

No.
They made no commitments to anyonez

Well if a supermodel can't stop her husband from straying then theoretically the rest of us married women have no chance then.

Why is a supermodel better than you or Joanne Public?

My don’t think my ex partner would have cheated on me. I can say it probably 95% certain as if I say 100% someone will challenge that. I mean he certainly had his faults or he wouldn’t be ex, but cheating I don’t think was one of them. Some men are very faithful / loyal / moral - many are not

It makes me so angry when people say this.

I know 100% that I would never cheat. I think cheating is despicable. If you love and, maybe more importantly, respect your partner you would not cheat. If I ever stop loving and respecting my DH I will leave although after 42 very happy years together that does not seem very likely.

What exactly could the future hold that would shake my very very firm views and morals?

I think a lot of men and women cheat. Some certainly would if the opportunity arose but not all. That is just not true.

My dad would never ever have cheated. I can say that for sure because he just would not have.

There are decent men out there that think, as I do, that infidelity is totally wrong and nothing would shake that view. Thankfully my DH has the same views as me on marriage and fidelity

So OP, you think your partner would only choose to be with you if you are the most attractive woman in the room/pub/party/city?

well, obviously you can’t win then

but love is not about wanting to be with the best looking person in the square mile you’re in

but surely you know this?

and does your logic also apply to men? As soon as your DH is not the sexiest man in the town anymore, would you dump him? If not, why not?

is your OP even serious? Do you know what love is? Feeling a bit sad for you tbh 🙁