"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

I think it's very naive to think that women don't cheat as much as men. Look around AM and Reddit....

To some extent, you have to have options to cheat. That applies to men and women. There's evidence that women who work out of the home have more affairs than women who stay home, that's not surprising, as if you are a stay at home parent who socializes with other mums, your options to cheat are fewer than if you work.

Lots of men do cheat for sure. I don't think though that all men presented with options cheat, my husband had endless options because he worked in an industry which brought him into contact with arty and beautiful people including models. I didn't worry about it. I also have endless options as I work in an area where there's tonnes of available middle-aged men who like going to conferences to get their end away. Both of us had a lot of options to cheat. Funnily enough I think he was far more worried about me having an affair than him and was quite insecure when I was away on conferences in male-dominated fields although he always fully supported me to attend. I was less worried, he was quite adept at side-stepping women keen on him, of which there were a few over the years. I can't say he never cheated, I simply don't know. He was always where he said he was, though, with who he said he was, and I was likewise. I actively had to side-step cheating too by focusing on what I would have to lose which was a lot.

So, some men when presented with options definitely allow themselves to cheat, but I don't think all. Unfortunately I think it's hard to tell from the outset which is which unless they have a history of cheating about which they are honest!

''@FrozenGhost I disagree, I don't think men who are with unattractive women are with them because they are above the idea of beauty and don't value looks - it will be because they aren't able to get a beautiful women. Again it comes back to options.''

First of all who decides that a woman is ''unattractive''?

Someone does not need to have model-look to be attractive. Most people by definition will be average-looking anyway.

Also being conventionally beautiful does not mean that you will be attractive in the sense that if you have a boring/unpleasant personality you might not be so much of a catch for someone once the initial attraction fades.

As someone mentioned King Charles had a beautiful young bride but chose as his life partner his more mature mistress because there is no doubt that they are more suited in every way in term of personality, interests and that she knows how to handle his moods.

For a her glamour and fame Diana was never happy in her love life.

I think that often beautiful women are only valued for their looks and end up with men who just want a trophy wife or who feel threatened by the attention that their partner gets. And if the attraction is only based on looks, then when age sets in that partner is also likely to start having a wandering eye.

I think it is a bit sad as well to buy into the idea that the only value a woman has is her physical appearance.

I don't think for all men - that's a gender sterotype I am not sure I can get behind. But yes, definitely for some and I would guess more men than women.

I agree. My husband has never given me reason not to trust him, but I could never trust him 100%. My father was a devoted family man who ran off with a younger woman. To this day, my mother swears up and down that they were happy and she was completely blindsided. My dh knows it's the worse thing he could do to me, so it would hurt all the more if he did do it.

You can never say that your partner will never cheat..... equally, you can't say that you will never cheat either.
No one knows what the future holds.

God how cynical. Not every man would be a cheating snake given the chance.

I've also been cheated on but don't think it applies to all men

It's never a good idea to trust someone 100%.

We've all known a plain and unexciting apparently devoted family man who's been found to have been cheating. Men are easily tempted.

True.

I wouldn't trust myself 100% either. I could be pretty confident I wouldn't cheat but not absolutely certain. We are all fallible humans.

Exactly! I was looking for this response and can't believe how long people have spent discussing the various qualities of the person cheated on rather than the flaws of the cheater!

But it's just as daft to suggest that men who married their wives for love rather than looks won't cheat.

Anyone can cheat.

My older brother was devoted to his wife. She equally do but I think she got complacent.

We were all shocked to find out he'd been having an affair ( in his early 50's ) with a young barrister of 30.

He was late home a lot and stayed over in london 'on business' all the time, she trusted him so went along with it.

When it all came out he was horrible to her accusing her of being boring and watching tv when he got home rather than seeing to all of his wants and needs.

They have ended up staying with each other as he couldn't offer the younger ow the baby and married life she wanted.

They don't seem to like each other very much and I was so so shocked when it all came out, he appeared to adore her and their marriage was always held up as devoted and enduring ...

Btw he had a nickname of Henry the 8th so you can imagine he was no looker, he lost alot of weight when he was with ow and I think she was attracted to his powerful job role and huge salary. He was a clever, well off man so I guess that was the pull.

My Dh now earns a similar salary now and I do worry also as I've hit 50 - he is two years younger that he will meet a younger model, he swears never ever but I'm not stupid.

I would never 100 percent trust any man, they are often opportunists and if it's on a plate and a woman has decided she wants to pursue him then it usually goes that way.

The rumours about PW having an affair - heck if KM can't keep her husband from straying it says a lot 🤷‍♀️

In my experience I have to agree. My husband and his much younger female colleague were exchanging inappropriate text messages for months before I found out. Before that I would've said he'd never be the type to betray me in any way but I believe that as the opportunity presented itself to him he went with it. OK so they didn't have a full blown affair but it still ruined our marriage. I honestly believe he wouldn't have actively gone looking for an affair whether physical or emotional, but when it came knocking he couldn't help himself.

Lots of men cheat and I agree with the OP and their initial post. It isn’t always the outwardly sleazy looking types.

After witnessing several long term marriages of couples who outwardly looked like they absolutely adored each other only for him to either be caught having an affair or leave the marriage suddenly before announcing the new relationship( blindsiding his wife in the process) just hammers it home for me.

I think adultery is far more common than married people want to admit especially women. One night stands whilst married are even more prevalent than that. It’s never the ones you suspect either.

It’s all about opportunity and what you think you can get away with. If your spouse is predominantly working outside of the home, in environments where they are coming into contact with other women who may or may not be younger/prettier/more attentive then it could happen. It would naive you think otherwise.

You’re right. My husband is attractive, has a lot going for him etc etc. My mother told me to only trust a man 99 percent but never 100 and she is absolutely right.

I do trust him and I don’t eat myself up about it and just enjoy the present I guess. If he cheated he would be out on his arse.

Helps that I’m a catch too 😜.

Men and women don't cheat if there is something wrong with their relationship its sometimes because they are flattered by the attention and enjoy the thrill of the chase.

Not all ppl cheat either even if they can. Sometimes ppl turn ppl down. They think long term and realise its not worth the aggro and the possible splitting up of the family just for an affair/shag. They value what they have.

I agree with the poster above about women lacking the same opportunities as men to cheat while the current SAHM / DH Works / mental load dynamic still exists. While this is anecdotal I certainly remember working with a number of married/attached career women who were happy to engage in flings while away on business trips. Go to any bar in a decent business class hotel in the evening and you will have field day watching all the executive types getting on with each other.

The only prolific cheat I know is female.

She has been married for 20 years because her husband turns a blind eye.

No one ever knows anything 100% but some people are a safer bet than others.

I agree with the poster saying it's interesting people are quick to blame the person that gets treated on rather than the person cheating. Even if the relationship is crap or whatever that's not an excuse, they could leave. I will be honest I met now DH whilst in a relationship but broke up with my then partner before anything happened. I think sometimes people don't want to be alone so don't want to hedge their bets until something has happened.

I disagree. My husband has lots of options. He gets approached all the time. He has options. We choose each other.

But this is not true!

In my mid 40s my boyfriends, post divorce, were 10 years younger. My now DP is two years older. My ExDh's girlfriend is 2 years older.l than him. We are all high earners and fit (ish) and not entirely gone to the dogs.

ExDH didn't want a new family and also wanted an equal. I wanted boy toys but met DP and fell head over heels.

Go to any bar in a decent business class hotel in the evening and you will have field day watching all the executive types getting on with each other.

That's definitely true. Full blown affairs require a level of deceit and calculation that a lot of people don't have the stomach for, but working life provides a vast array of opportunities for people to do things which just stop short of this but are definitely outside the spirit of a marriage.

There's an awful lot of "cheating lite" that flies under the radar in corporate life. One night snogs in hotel bars at offsite meetings or long strings of flirtatious WhatsApp messages or frequent fag breaks with a heart to heart attached. I've seen so much of this in my life.

I think while most people would draw the line at a full extramarital affair (if they found out about it), a large amount of married people have turned a blind eye to this sort of thing.

Women cheat too.

My brother gave his marriage everything and in return she shat all over him - he ended up living in a converted shipping container. I've had friends hooking-up on their hen night - coz they weren't actually married yet. I worked with a guy who unwittingly brought up a child that wasn't his until he found out ( that must have been an interesting conversation ) and I had a close friend who ended her marriage because she wanted to explore her sexuality.

Adultery isn't limited to just men. Shocking, I know !..

My guess is that the majority of men fall into this category and a smaller but significant proportion are devoted to one partner.