"Men are only as faithful as their options"

[Grandeur]

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

I know people say "there has to be something wrong in the relationship to cause infidelity," but I know so many women who have been utterly devoted to their partners and still got cheated on.

My partner is a reasonably attractive man and earns a large salary, the older I get the more concerned I become about being 'swapped' for a younger woman, because he would definitely have the option.

Obviously not all men would do this, but how can you be sure your partner wont? Some of the men who cheated on my friends were loyal, faithful, family-oriented men for over a decade, up until they got bored, of course.

Is this something we just have to accept? That it doesn't matter how devoted and attentive you are to your partner, if the options are available to him, he will seek out other/younger women regardless?

I think women are also very likely to cheat. Men are worried about cheating wives as much as women are worrying about unfaithful husbands.

YABU for saying this:

I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are, some men really are only as faithful as their options.

If you think the likelihood of a man cheating on you or not is determined only by how "beautiful, slim or sexy" you are you've completely failed to understand what keeps healthy relationships together and TBH you're not sufficiently mature for a good relationship. Some of the most beautiful and sexy women in the world are also the most vulnerable and the most likely to be taken for granted. Slimness and sexiness doesn't translate to confidence or security in yourself. If anything, these are things which are more likely to make you cheat proof.

That aside, you have alit upon something here. I regret to say I think probably a majority of men (NAMALT) would cheat in a fairly low key way if they thought there would be absolutely no comeback.

Some genuinely are totally opposed to cheating. Most don't cheat because they don't need the grief.

But people who come on here and say "I know my Nigel would never do that to me" are deluding themselves. Most of them have the capacity. They may have too much skin in the game to go ahead with it but I think the ones who adamantly would never do it under any circumstances are in a minority.

Which is why, of course, you should never ever take the idea that someone will never cheat on you to the bank. Depend on yourself and you only.

I don’t think being beautiful is a safeguard against being cheated on, but neither do I think that men are only as faithful as their options.

Some people cheat. They will cheat on whoever they are with eventually, not because their partner is ‘lacking’ in some way, but because being unfaithful is about them and their shortcomings. Other people have better morals than that.

I agree OP

I think in some cases infidelity is a symptom of something being wrong in a relationship

But more often I know of people who are serial cheaters or who wouldnt consider themselves cheaters til they get an offer that surprises them. Often they love their partner and really dont want to split up. There is an issue within themselves if they are a serial cheater. I think the main factor in cheating is opportunity

I don't agree, men are not a homogeneous group just like women aren't.

Some men are not going to be faithful no matter how amazing their partner is because of their personality, the way they are hardwired. Some men are basically good but given opportunity and perhaps alcohol they do commit adultery whereas many if not the majority of men are faithful because they want to be end of.

I know of women who have committed adultery leaving their husbands heartbroken

It’s nothing to do with looks, men can be married to an absolute stunner who worships the ground they walk on, but if the opportunity arises they will go there, hoping never to be found out

Indeed. Shakespeare built whole plays around it.

I agree with this. People (men and women) cheat for two fundamental reasons. Either they don’t care about their relationship and the feelings of their partner, or they care, but are too immature/impulsive to prioritise that over the immediate gratification offered by an affair.

I’m not immature and impulsive, so although I know I’m not immune to temptation, I know where the “danger line” is and step back from that rather than kidding myself that it’s all fine. And my husband isn’t immature and impulsive either, so I trust him to do that as well.

I should have added not all men of course, but I think it works both ways, incidentally I know of an instance.

I think its also a lot to do with the circles you mix in. I can honestly say that in my world, the older men are incredibly ordinary and have very little chance of attracting a woman younger and better looking than their wives. Nor do many seem to have enough enthusiasm to bother trying. The women on the other hand still attract plenty of male attention. In fairness, I don't know any of these still hot high earners that seem to be all over the place. Just regular blokes who if they've any sense are grateful to have the wife they've got.

Rituals don't spring out of nothing

That all gets a bit chicken and egg though, since nothing springs out of nothing. Individuals can have their own rituals seprate from society, groups can create rituals that become the norm for society, society can create rituals to control groups, etc etc.

I'm not going to defend marriage - I have a long term partner and it's not something we have any interest in - but I suspect its universal endurance comes from a desire that can't be explained by malicious programming alone.

Which is rooted in...

Selfishness.

How does this set up benefit me.

Eh, no-one would ever pretend selfishness doesn't exist. But it clearly doesn't explain the entire human condition or why our species got where we are. It sweeps too much altruism under the rug.

And apart from that the semantics are dodgy in the first place. If humans are selfish, what are animals? What does selflessness even look like in nature?

I worked in male dominated work places all my working life. In my experience the majority of men will cheat given the option - I'd honestly put it at 10% who wouldn't, and that's being generous.

This is also why I have a theory (that seems correct) that beautiful women are cheated on more than average/not attractive women. Beautiful women by default attract men who value women for looks.

I disagree, I don't think men who are with unattractive women are with them because they are above the idea of beauty and don't value looks - it will be because they aren't able to get a beautiful women. Again it comes back to options.

@Grandeur if the fact that you were slim, beautiful, successful and perfectly groomed was a main part of why your partner chose you then yes, I would say that kind of man is probably only as faithful as his options. Of course when you fall for someone you fancy them and think they are amazing etc, but if it’s mainly about how the rest of the world views such a partner then they are a status symbol. In my experience, these relationships are built on shaky foundations, and won’t last long unless they are deepened considerably. Even then, if having the “best” is a primary motivator generally- a woman can still get traded in no matter how wonderful and caring a wife she is.

The good news is men like this aren’t the norm, they are usually easily spotted and easily avoided. One way of avoiding them is by not choosing a partner on the same sort of basis (ie because they are very good looking, rich, successful desired by many women) they can be all these things but if those are the main reason for choosing them as a life partner there’s likely trouble ahead.

The chance to cheat is often there esp for good looking ,well known men .Sadly there are more chances I think .However if a man is happy in the whole RL, he is less likely to look elsewhere. Courtney Cox husband cheated on her with a waitress ,Hugh Grant had a well known liason with a Prostitute when he was seeing Liz Hurley! Though many men are happy and have been married a long time .I dont think they are "bound" to cheat though!

But a man who values looks over every other attribute is surely much more likely to gravitate to a woman who he considers more attractive than the woman he is with than one who is not?

A man who values looks over every other attribute is also presumably more likely to be driven to cheat when he finds a younger woman, surely?

Also your post assumes that beauty or sexiness is valued above all other attributes and that men who are with less conventionally beautiful women are only with them because they couldn't "get" more attractive women. I'm sure this isn't true. Yes there are some superficial men who are driven only by status but they aren't all solely motivated by beauty.

Is this something we just have to accept?

Frankly, yes. I think to be in a functional adult relationship you have to accept that all people — men and women — have the potential to be unfaithful. (Whether they act on it or not is a different matter.) You can't trust anyone 100%, it isn't possible and the human mind doesn't allow for it.

Peace of mind is about building up enough trust, mutually, and also accepting that you can't know everything about your partner, and that people within relationships are still individuals who can make decisions, good and bad.

Otherwise you might as well both just start combing through each other's WhatsApps now and be done with it.

It's really interesting, as well, that you've framed Levine's cheating on Behati Prinsloo entirely around what she looks like:

Adam Levine has recently cheated on his Victoria's Secret model wife, Behati Prinsloo with a 23-year-old woman. I think this shows that it doesn't matter how beautiful, slim or sexy you are

I think you're doing her a disservice here. A woman is worth more than her looks and her body. This woman is worth more than her looks and her body.

@LondonWolf oh dear, what industry was that? Was it generally competitive? Sounds fun/grim if you were a single woman in that environment!

"Women are only as faithful as their options"

Not sure it applies any differently.

Well how to you explain the behaviour of our new King? Limitless options, married a beautiful woman, then cheated with one who wasn't. He's far from unique in that. I know a couple of men who've had affairs with women objectively worse looking than their wives. Its not necessarily that they are higher minded, just that they might choose other things, security, passivity, youth, humour, common interests, over looks.

I’d agree.

I’m never 100% certain about anyone. My husband is 100% sure it would be the end if he did and I found out.

I would say it is hardly surprising that a wealthy celebrity who married a model, a decision likely to be based to a large extent on wanting someone simply because they look good rather than because they make a good long term partner, will cheat with someone else at the first opportunity.

I think the couples who tend to stick together do so because they have a lot in common (friendship, shared values and interests, enjoying each other company) rather than physical attraction only.

Someone who just wanted a trophy wife will eventually move on to someone younger and prettier if the relationship was just based on looks.

Someone who just wanted a trophy wife will eventually move on to someone younger and prettier if the relationship was just based on looks.

Of course. That's why the whole premise of the post is so daft. It's self evident that people who are preoccupied with being with someone beautiful are more likely to trade them in than people who are looking for something more durable.