ExDH is furious I’m keeping his name… AIBU?

[NCsurname]

Divorce recently finalised after being separated from exDH for some time. I received a message this morning from exDH who noticed that my married name is still present on my LinkedIn profile. I politely responded to let him know that I wont be changing my surname back to my maiden name and left it at that.

Received a barrage of abuse in response so I’m wondering, AIBU?

For context,

1. we don’t have children, but I’m now known well professionally under my married name.
2. the name isn’t particularly unique or uncommon, so I don’t feel it specifically links to him in any way. Also, I’ve moved away since the split so it’s not as if he’s having to see me around and be reminded of it.
3. I found the process of changing my name after marriage to be a massive hassle and given the stress involved in the divorce itself, I’d rather not bother with the admin of name changing again.
4. I’ve grown to like the name and it just feels like “me”. I never liked my maiden name and feel as though a nice surname is the only good thing I got from the marriage!

AIBU? I should point out that I’m now in a new relationship, my new partner is well aware of all of this and sees no issue.

This should be of use to you:

www.ranker.com/list/divorced-women-who-still-use-their-married-names/celebrity-lists

If they could do it, so can you!!!

Actually tell him that you haven't kept his name, you've just changed your name by deed poll to that surname, what a happy occasion that they happen to be the same surname!

Then tell him to do one!

I took my exH name (and kept it after we divorced), as i preferred it to my birth name. Nobody made me take it, or keep it, it was my decision..... how is me exercising that right to choose anti-feminist?

I would rejoice in the fact that it annoys him!

If it’s a common surname I can’t help wondering what the X would be saying it it had happened to be hybrid same as the unmarried name!

Oops - be the same...

"It's not a fucking trademark, you narcissistic cockwomble" would be my reply, before blocking him.

No idea why anyone would want their ex husband's surname

Exactly my point. Is this what makes your world go round, annoying your ex? Don't you have better things to do?

Read the OP.

Because her clients/industry wouldn't know her from adam if she changed her name back.

Because perpetuating a patriarchal and sexist tradition is patriarchal and sexist.

Just because a woman chooses to do something doesn't make it a feminist act.

Because the surname you have chosen to use for x number of years is YOUR surname, not your ex husband's.

If you want to find out you could read the posts of women who did exactly that. Dome are even on this thread.

What do you suggest, other than naming husbands after wives?

That they keep their names separate? Then what do the children get?

Or should every couple double barrel their respective surnames? But what then happens when their children with double-barrelled surnames marry other children with double-barrelled surnames? Do we all end up with hundreds of surnames each?

Seems like every option is problematic.

My birth name is 16 letters long, is difficult to pronounce in English and looks like a cat has walked over a keyboard, The name I use now (my exH's), is 6 letters long, easy to pronounce and I prefer it.

HTH

Because you’re choosing to submit to the patriarchy. Noones saying you’re not free to do it but it’s not a feminist choice. Not every choice advances feminism!

Of course not having children doesn't make you a second-class citizen.

Taking a man's name when you marry him is a declaration that you're lesser than him, though.

Also why do some women repeatedly change their name if they get married again?

Oh I can answer this, having been married and divorced twice.

I'm collecting names. I plan to have the world's largest collection of men's surnames. So far I've got 3 (counting my Dad's, of course. Although he always said it was Ok for me to have it in my collection). If I get my skates on I can probably get another twenty before I die.

So dramatic. You do realize a "woman's" surname is derived from a man's surname anyway, right? So what are they protecting, exactly?

Exactly my point. Is this what makes your world go round, annoying your ex? Don't you have better things to do?

She's not going around annoying her ex, she's keeping her name which he saw on LinkedIn and messaged her. It's not her problem if he is annoyed about that, he could remove her as a contact or block her if it annoys him. It's not her job to pussy foot around her life thinking about what may or may not annoy her ex.

Doesn't he have better things to do to message his ex about whether she is allowed to retain the unique name of Jones/Smith etc? It sounds like he doesn't.

Yes.

What do you mean "a woman's surname is derived from a man's surname"?

Your not perpetuating it if it is your choice to do it though....or are you saying that women should not be free to make that choice....which in itself it anti-feminist don't you think?

?

I mean exactly what I just said...

So suppose I choose not to take my husband's surname because I think it's sexist and anti-feminist and whatever else... so instead I keep my own surname. Problem is, my surname comes from my dad. Before that, his dad. Before that, you get the idea.

Name children after the mother. That’s easiest.