Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

What do you mean "need" you as teenagers? For what? I won't be working PT when DS is 14 and barely in/needs no supervision in school holidays.

It's something I see on here a lot - the problems get more difficult, there's more things to juggle, supporting them through school can get more time consuming and stressful. The sense I get is that it's more emotionally exhausting and having a full time job on top of that can end up being much more stressful than expected. No experience of it of course, which is why I'm asking!

Now my middle DC are in primary school I realise that it was much easier to work full days when they were nursery compared to school but also once those first years are gone then there’s no getting them back.
My teen needs some time to listen to her day but she doesn’t need me to be there after school. If I’m working from home she’ll come in, tell me about her day for 10 mins then I don’t see her until dinner time. If I’m not working from home I make sure I hear about her day once I get in or at dinner; as she goes to bed much later it’s easier to work more as there’s more time compared to my younger ones who go to bed at 7.30.
In my opinion it’s more about what you do with the time you have with your DC than how much time

I see this on here a lot too and it's made me wonder the same, so following...:

I worked part time during primary. In primary school you get all kinds of last minute events you are expected to turn up to, take them to or make/bake something for. By secondary they can get themselves to and from school, be alone at home, and school doesn't expect you to turn up very 5 minutes. I would say be p/t through primary and then go f/t in secondary. Tweens and teens are hard work in different ways, but they don't need the constant supervision of young kids.

I work pt with a child in year 8. He gets the bus to school so if he has an after school activity then I need to be able to pick him up. The bus has taken the wrong route occasionally with a new driver and ds got off the bus so I had to go and pick him up.

Although I think going part time when they are in secondary is better if you want the time for yourself, I guess it depends what you are aiming for by going p/t.

I think some of it depends on where you live. We are in London so don't have to worry about ferrying teenagers around, they will be able to use public transport - they will have to as we don't have a car!

Also careers differ - I have been promoted twice while working part time, it isn't a death knell for progression in my career though I know it is in some.

Teens do need us around because they very often won't tell you anything, you've got to have the skills of Jessica Fletcher. I think that some women are also hitting peri/menopause and for a variety of reasons, go part time. Not everyone has the same energy levels.

I do 32 hours over 4 days. Mine are in primary. I plan to maintain this possibly forever. Is there a sort of middle ground of not quite full time?

I've always worked full time, although formerly shifts (earlies lates nights) and now just earlies and lates with on call. I have two at secondary and one at primary. I'm considering dropping hours or making a fwa to be at home when they get home from school. The reason is to force/ encourage/ help them do homework. (Secondary age ones.) It's stressful having to do this on top of normal household chores and dropping off/ collecting from clubs. If my kids were more motivated it wouldn't be an issue, but secondary age is important and i want them to do well at school.

Many parents work FT and are also there when their dc need them too.

It all depends on the parents jobs (FT hours without excessive extra hours required or an excessive commute) and the children (some have more needs, some are more self sufficient than others).

For example dh and I were able to flex our working hours so someone could drop ds at school in the morning and someone could pick him up from afterschool before 5pm at the latest. He loved afterschool as it was just a fun place to play with friends.

It is impossible to plan ahead when your individual children will need you the most.

The most difficult bit for us was when they started to feel too old for afterschool at primary, but were not quite old enough to go home alone.

As teens they need a bit more support to make sure they are doing homework/revision when they get in from school but, depending on both the child and the parent, this can still be managed while working FT.

Wonder how many dads ask this question?

I’m a few years ahead of you and think nursery is much easier logistically than primary but I wouldn’t give up my day a week at home with my youngest. I will try and keep 0.8 over 5 days to give more time in the evenings once she’s at school if I can. I find it hard fitting everything in, doing homework etc.

Mine are adult now and I worked part time when they were at primary, going full time when at secondary. I never saw any reason not to work full time by then. Maybe it would be different for shift workers.

Am I going mad or didn’t we have this thread last week? 🤔

I've had to stick to PT due to my younger teens MH issues. Having two days off gives me time to do thrilling things like hunt for self harm razor blades and email school / CAMHS. This way I don't mess my employer around too much.

If you can afford it, stay part time. I worked 8:30-2:30 when mine were at secondary school as they were old enough to get themselves to school and I was home by the time they got home. Some children, if you miss the initial how was your day when they get in you don’t then find out if there have been any issues.

I'm fortunate to be able to work PT while DD is a teen (14).

I find she needs more emotional guidance and support rather than practical. Eg talking out friendship woes or sharing her anxieties related to the future, rather then making fish gingers or ferrying to play dates.

Walking and public transport are not practical for school, so I drive her. The drive home is particularly useful for chatting about whatever's on her mind.

And it's a godsend for the numerous brace appointments!

Plus I'm an older menopausal mum so fewer work hours means I can just about keep going until 9pm.

This is my plan too. Especially with 2 girls!

I did FT until they were 7 and 5. Then I went to a 4 day week (where I live there is no school on Wednesdays so I had them with me all day).

This one day a week off with them was/is fantastic and exhausting. It means I an make most medical appointments for them then (both have SN and have had braces and 1 wears glasses). And take them to sport clubs.

A 4 day week for me was a good compromise and I could definitely see it being useful during the teenage years

I've seen this comment about teenagers too, but I disagree (and sometimes feel it is made by parents who are not at all keen to face the challenges of trying to find interesting, flexible paid work after a long spell without padi work). Yes teenagers still need you, and sometimes in a way that can be more emotionally challenging, but mostly in a way that fits perfectly well around working hours as teenagers don't need direct supervision. Mine tend to decide they want to have a chat about 11pm just as I am going to bed....

I agree that the nursery years can be easier logistically for working parents than the primary/early secondary years.

And it's a godsend for the numerous brace appointments!

They can soon do these by themselves! (subject to transport perhaps). I'd hate to give up my career for an occasional visit to the orthodontist.

Teenagers wont wanna have anything to do with you
All theyd be interested in is their phones and friends.

When they are young they actually need you. they are dependent on you even

So yeah. Yabu.

Teenagers do come with high needs emotionally, but their body clocks are like adults so realistically they need you around 9/10pm! Mine always share worries at bedtime. After school they just want some peace and quiet to themselves after being ‘on’ all day at school, feeding some dinner etc. I find mine basically operate on adult hours so no need for a PT working parent