Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

I’m on a db pension and have been paying in continuously since I was 22. I did go down to 2 days per week at one point so my years of service don’t match my actual years of service but I’ve been at at 4 days per week for several years (although I spread them over 5 days so I can see my kids after school). My pension isn’t as totally fantabulous as it would be if I hadn’t gone part time. But my salary is good and so my pension is actually very good too. But it is something I have reflected on and monitored closely.

Not great - it’s why I’m working f/t now after many years of p/t working. P/t jobs which pay £75k are not the widespread norm of course, so most people who have reduced their hours for 10-plus years will have to increase the value of their occupational pension (unless they are ok with a much smaller pension obviously).

I have to pay quite a chunk of my salary contractually towards pension but the company also pays a generous contribution so mine is fairly healthy

Same here - but after working 3 days a week for many years means it’s not at the level it would have been had I been working f/t for that time. It’s important to factor that in when reducing hours.

Absolutely. That’s the choice you make. I’m on an above average full time salary which takes me in to an average salary when part time is taken into account. Millions live on that so I’ve made my peace with that being the sacrifice I have made by spending time with my children when they were small. We can’t have it all ways.

I have to work f/t out of necessity. Divorced with 50/50 residency and I work in the office when DC are at their dad's and from home when they're at mine. One in secondary, one in primary.

It's much easier to work f/t now than when they were younger. Before the divorce, I did school pick-up, could host friends to play after school. I can't do those things now and I felt very guilty about going f/t at first, even though I know I shouldn't feel guilty about keeping a roof over their heads.

However, my secondary DC can bring friends over after school or have them round in the holidays when I'm working. Can get to and from activities under their own steam.

They can see me after work briefly and I'm around in the evening. I'm another one who finds that older DC is chattier around bedtime. On days the teen has sport or another activity after school, they only get 30-60 mins to themselves once home before I log off anyway.

My younger DC struggled with the change a lot more, but will be off to secondary next year and is already a bit more independent than they were.

If I had the luxury of choice, I would probably still choose to have had the earlier years with more time at home. My teen likes downtime after school and is pretty good at getting on with homework before chilling and then we're together once I finish work. Teens need a bit more space it seems.

No we can’t. I’m the same, average salary at p/t hours, more than average at f/t, but I’ve decided to push my pension up by increasing my hours before I retire. I’m 53 so retirement isn’t that far away now, which is a scary thought! Loved my p/t hours when the DC were young though, I’m so grateful I had that opportunity and time with them, and wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

That to @Tiredalwaystired

I'm not sure your children will be particularly interested in spending lots of time with you as teenagers. Especailly if they have had limited oppertunity to spend time with you before then.....

@Icanstillrecallourlastsummer

Especailly if they have had limited oppertunity to spend time with you before then.....

What does that mean?

Do elaborate

what I mean is if the kids are used to being out and about constantly, with friends, having independence, at activities etc it would be odd if they all of a sudden want to spend lots of time at home with OP becuase the OP goes part time.

Reading back I can see it sounds like a dig (you don't want to spend time with your kids when they are young, then they won't want to spend time with you maybe?) but it's genuinely not. It's just they get used to one way of life, it isn't a given that they will then want to change that and sit at home with their parent at some arbitrary age all of a sudden.

I am working almost FT now, and will increase my hours shortly. I wouldn't in 5 years time expect my kids to all of a sudden drop their activities, social lives, independence just because I decided to go PT. In fact I would expect their indepdence to increase with age, same with their desire to be with friends. I expect that if I did that, I would probably spend a fair bit of time alone. Which has its own merits of course, but this post is discussing reducing hours to spend time with children.

That's all.

But surely that's a positive and the end goal?

And also that it's possible to have balance?

Independent teens who still want to spend time with you?

Mine do, just.

Thanks for clarifying your post - it did initially sound like a snarky dig, but I completely agree with your second post.

@Topgub yeah, I didn't mean it as a bad thing. I think it's a positive, and the kids will want to spend some time at home. I just think that is you are going some long term parenting and think "hmm, I'd like to at some point in my life work PT so I can spend lots of time with my kids", it might not really pan out that way.

I have worked PT ever since I started back work when DS started preschool (stopped working 0-3yrs due to childcare costs!) And he's now 9 and still FT seems very hard to see how it'd work.

PT during nursery years can make sense so all your wages aren't just going straight to the nursery! But not always that straight forward!
I always thought I'd look to go FT 'when he was older'. But DS started school and still not easy to go FT as school didn't have breakfast club and after school finished quite early (5.30) and full anyway! Childminders seemed impossible to get too. So didn't bother. We moved house and school and now there's wraparound care available but he now does clubs and activities 3 afternoons after school - he'd have stop all those.
Also looking ahead to secondary school - they're all a few miles away with only 'school buses' for transport so anything extra curricular or seeing friends would need lifts. There's also a grammar school 30-40mins away which potentially could be an option, but there's no transport to get there so if that was to turn out to be where he wanted to go I'd have to be available to drive him around!
However, if I had to go FT secondary age would make more sense and we'd just have to make school and club choices based on practicalities of cycling, public transport etc not me being able to give lifts!

I have on in GCSE yr and 1 in yr 8. I work full time as does dh, but we are involved and available (Flexi working helps). I dont think they need you 'more' it's just the nature of it changes. I've heard friends/colleagues say they are needed more but tbh with NT kids this is often about over involvement and micromanaging (there are people managing clubs/revision timetables/coaching through ever last friendship falling out) which I'm not sure is helpful in the long run.
Just be sure if your role is to step back from work and focus on teenage kids that you prepare for when they leave....

Why not work FT ?

Can you afford to work PT ?

How are you going to fund your retirement ?

9.3% of my pay goes into my pension, my employer puts more than that in so it is over 20% of my pay.

Also we put maximum amount into my husbands pension.

Unfortunately I know too many people living frugally through their working years to get to retire comfortably then not being able to enjoy retirement through ill health or even early death or caring responsibilities so we aim for a happy medium.