Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

I've re-read my post and it sounds like I'm talking about looking after a tamagotchi. Obviously I love my DC very much and loved spending time with them when they were little and now. But now they take more from me emotionally and time wise so I feel I have less time to do 'life admin' and housework.

The guilt I feel now is because once they're at high school, there are no childminders/ breakfast clubs etc. so from the first day of high school, my DS was the last one out in the morning and the first one home to an empty house. When he was younger, at a childminders, I knew he was looked after and getting fed and wasn't spending so much time alone.

Now I could do with a day or two at home, or even better a shorter working day, to catch up with all the things I should be doing but never have time to.

@slinkydinkydonkey

No, I didnt think you were trying to be a dick.

It just doesn't make sense.

Clearly you do understand why people want to work full time - they like it

I mean, I dont really see much need for healthy adults not to be working full time but I still get that lots don't want to.

I worked part time when mine were small. They are now both at secondary school and I am almost full time - I work from home 4 days out of five in term time with one day in the office and in the holidays I have Fridays off to be with them

working from home is the big game changer for me - it means I’m there if they’ve had a bad day and want to get it off their chests as soon as they get in rather than stew. We will have a five minute chat to get it all out and make them a cup of tea then they generally seem a bit better and go off to do homework. Then I get back to my work if we need to pick it up again after work we do.

i think what they need as teenagers is your presence not your attention, so this set up has been perfect.

Mine are now 17 and 15 and they need me now more than ever. I am working part time. But could do with being around even more than I am. I am delAyinh changing job til after this school year as so much input needed. Eg they volunteer at little kid activities for d of e so back to needing to drive around at 4pm ish….

@Topgub I mean obviously I get that people like to work. I love my job too and wouldn't want to not work but I have other things that I do that I enjoy for example helping out at my local foodbank and picking up my little nephew from nursery.

My DS is only in pre school, but I’ve been p/t (4 days a week) since after mat leave. No intention of going f/t again unless we really needed the money.

Once he’s in school we may have more children, and/or I’ll catch up on chores on my Friday off to free up weekends for family time and fun things.

I disagree with those who say teenagers don’t need a parent (mum or dad) in the house of an afternoon. As a teenage girl growing up I (looking back on it) valued having DM there when I got in from school. If I’d had a bad day she’d be able to tell straight away. If I’d not seen her for a few hours I might have been able to hide it more effectively. DM worked school hours nearby though; but I appreciate those hours aren’t available to most.

@slinkydinkydonkey

Yeah

I think most people who work have other things they enjoy doing too.

I worked 18 hours a week from 0 years old to year 1.
30 hours a week from Yr 1 to Yr 5. Then went full time in Yr 6.

Quite!

I could afford to drop my hours and could easily do so in my industry without too much long term impact, but I have no interest to. I enjoy my job enough to remain full time and the lifestyle it affords us outside of work. I am very firm with my hours though and make full use of flexible working, I take back time I've worked and don't over-work to the detriment of my family or MH.

I went part time when I returned to work at 3 days, I did a few years full time when they started primary school but reduced back to 4 days quite quickly as it was easier to cover school holidays and nice to take to/from school. Recently I’ve reduced again to 4 shorter days as I was finding myself very stressed trying to do all the after school activities. My eldest has just started high school and I think I’d like to reduce my hours even more so I’m always home before them as my commute means I’m home half an hour after them still. I’m fortunate that I’m not the main earner and I have no intentions of ever going back full time. Mainly because my NHS wage doesn’t incentivise me working more.

@Topgub of course, I would imagine most people have a life filled with things that they enjoy outside of work. For me, those are some of the reasons that I don't work full time. But I cant help feeling that your irritated with me for saying that, hopefully not though- it's just difficult to read between the lines on here. But I'm dosed with the cold so I'm off to bed.

@slinkydinkydonkey

No, not at all irritated

Its just something I've seen said a lot before but what they really mean is mums. Not people

They understand fine why dads work full time.

Hope you feel better soon

I did some ridiculous hours when the kids were younger sometimes 19 hours (ex military) and missed out on so much . I work 35 hours a week now do a breakfast club from 7am ring my youngest 2 both teens to make sure they are up and about. And I leave work at 2. I get up with my partner at 5 am and get everything done and tea prepped before I leave work that way I get an hour before everyone is home to just chill and have a brew. I get a war pension because of an injury which has the potential to stop me working but for now it's controlled and pays more than my wage. Hours wise it's perfect and I wish this had been an option for me when all 4 of the kids were small but now it gives me a good work/life balance not everyone gets that luxury and I do feel lucky I have all my evenings weekend and school holidays with th

@Topgub one last thing - funny enough my friend is a top consultant and works full time - she loves her job and it gives her that sense of achievement I guess. Her partner is a full time stay at home dad, he loves it too. He was a chef so my friend is well looked after and comes home to a spotless clean home. I guess it's just what works for each individual family.

I've heard a couple of people say this irl and I think it depends on circumstances. One I know is quite a young mum, a nurse and has three girls close together, eldest 9, youngest 3. They have utilised nursery and a nanny share and I think she's doing 4 days but thinking she may cut back when they are teens. Husband is heading for consultant posts so they'll be able to afford it.

I had children late and as soon as I did, developed awful chronic fatigue, which I actually now think partly was peri menopause dragged out as I recovered hugely during and just after second child, only to completely dive into menopause during his toddler years. So part time was the only option.

I wouldn't have missed that time for the world though.

My children are 5 yrs apart too so will
go through teens quite separately. I had thought I'd continue part time for teens but I've recently started to rethink as j see how independent my eldest is. (Not yet a teen.)

The primary years are really full on with "stuff" and it's a constant juggle. We both finish work at 6 and that's not sustainable for the children if we both were out till then BUT We are lucky we can choose. A couple of days a week we can go to park after school and unwind. (Stuff: After school stuff such as cubs and football and weekend stuff such as parties and football and swimming plus homework, MASSIVE PROJECTS and reading books etc.)

Now I'm on hrt and cautiously seeing a big difference to energy levels I may well increase my hours in a few years, youngest has only just started school.

@slinkydinkydonkey holy cow, a SAHD that was previously a chef, that's the dream right there 😂

Can I ask all those who have been part time for 10+ years, what about your pension ?

It's not good 😐

There's part time and then part time.

I work 32 hours in four days and am paid £75k, my pension is just fine.

Someone who is working 10-3 two days a week in a minimum wage job is in a very different place

That's the dream🌞

@Hastingsontheup
What are you asking? Most people don't pay enough into their pension. If you want to use a very rough rule of thumb on how much you need to save: take your age and halve it. So at 40, you should save 20% of your salary into a pension.

At 50, I thus should be 25%. I don't. 15% here. Do you know many people who save the correct amount?

I have a 29yr old, 18 and 14. I have worked a mix of full and part time. I’d say it’s better when they are younger. Mine aren’t interested in hanging with me after school! I am lucky in that I can often take a late lunch and collet daughter (14) from school and it’s nice to do that so she can chat about her day, and any issues, before she locks herself away in her room. DS2 goes to Uni on Friday. Will just be me and the dog most of the time, as DD will be in her room!

So glad I work full time now. Do it when your kids want to spend time with you!

@Oblomov22 it's the age that you start, you don't need to keep increasing it the older you get if you've continuously made payments.

Some people have defined benefit schemes years of service then become very important. It was a pull factor for me going FT (did it when DCs were in yrs 3 &3).