Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow

Do you never leave your teen unsupervised then?

If this is to me, he'd have a job on fitting all that into half term, since DH works from home.

I was at home alone in school holidays from 12 and never once had a drug-fuelled party on a Tuesday afternoon 😐

Build in the knacker factor. I'm more knackered now, at 49, with two 16 year olds than when I was 36 with two four year olds. My parents are also older and need me more.

I've worked 30 hours throughout, but my job seems to have got more demanding, for the same pay.

I find it harder now, with peri, with teens that seem to need lifts, and struggle to get up etc.
I find it so hard to deal with these demands as I get older.

Hi OP. Mine are 19, 17 and 15 now. I would say it's vital to be available for both the early years and the teens years - both can be tricky but for different reasons.

In the early years, you are the one they are exploring the world through. But the teen years can be very fraught and it's always better to be one step ahead. Definitely important to be there when they get home if you can, as you can often see in their faces how their day has been without them even telling you. So many changes in the years 12-15 particularly. But then, after that, it's GCSEs and A-levels.

Do you have a husband and what does he think you should do?

@gingerchai

Surely the question should be

If you have a husband and think someone should go part time why isn't it him?

And surely you know you can 'be available' and work?

Being home with my teens has been much more important than being home with them as younger children.

@Topgub - if part-time were an option for her DH (if she even has one), Im sure they've already discussed that..it's not what she asking.

@gingerchai

Why isn't it what she's asking?

The op doesn't say mums

I intend to remain full time.

Full time for small children is easier as you have the nursery set up (caveat: provided they start nursery before separation anxiety and are good sleepers). It's all they've known.

I've done full time throughout but partly from home (now minimum three days) now. Plus have been senior manager since eldest was 6 so keep my own diary and can choose when I need to be at home/ school.

Babies and toddlers have simple needs. They don't really care who is meeting those needs most of the time. If you ask mine who used to change their nappy or sing wheels on the bus and shake a tambourine with them, they wouldn't have a clue. But when they're older and have friendship issues, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, mental health worries ... only mum and dad will do. And we've got enough flex to be there as much as required.

I had to go pt due to kids sen needs. Tbh I do like it especially in primary. I like pick up from school and doing hw and not rushing home from work on none work days. Iv one teen at the moment and would say he doesnt need me that much tbh. He spends lots of time in his room and I double check his studying at weekends.

Go part time now. Stay part time when they're older if you can, but if you're able to work from home you may not need to ... they do feel much more secure if someone is at home for them when they get back from school but will nevertheless ignore you and do their own thing.

I work PT. My youngest is in primary so once she is in secondary I will go FT. Me and DH both work in A&E so we work opposite shifts because we have no family and childcare would be a nightmare.

See this is very far from my own experience. My DDs are 16 and 13. Both still like spending time with me, particularly my older child who loves being with me, is very chatty and tells me every little thing about her school day and her schoolwork. She's a perfectionist straight A pupil. My 13 yr old has some friendship struggles which she often needs to 'offload' to me. I can't imagine either of them wanting nothing to do with me.

I think the worry with any plan to earn more now and save for the future/retire early OP is that often what actually happens is people just live up to their income.

It doesn’t need to be as extreme as part time or not working though. No one denies teenagers need you in different ways to younger kids but they are in school until about 4pm. Continuing work allows you to build up grace and find a flexible working solution that works for your family.
Mine aren’t teens yet but most of the week one of us is at home in the morning until 9am or working at home the whole day and then either one of us will already be home or home at 4:30pm.
I don’t see how my parenting would be improved by being at home not working from 9-4pm in the day.

I work ft, with 1 day at home most weeks. Mine are year 8 and year 12.
I intended to go to my sports class the first day they were both back at school but without even asking they we're both falling over themselves to tell me about school when I got in, and I felt like I couldn't stop them in flow (to go out) as when I actually ask, I normally get a 1 word answer!

I hope they feel they can (and have time to) talk to me but they're usually most open and chatty over dinner, or if we're going somewhere in the car and there's just one - to - one conversation. It has to be on their terms, if I initiate a conversation it's often very short/non existent!

I didn't need my mum to be around more often when I was a teenager. I cld make myself food, look after myself etc. Still had time to chat with her and do things if I wanted. Like most teens I mainly just wanted money so I cld go hang out with friends 😂 Teens tend to not want much to do with their parents so I don't see how working let time would help.

You are r7ght to build career
Part time on 30 k pro rata
Vs part time on 60k pro rata
Do the maths
And yes tweens teens with anxiety or other school chronic issues is a lot harder than day to day routine toddler

I worked part time from my children being babies until they were 18 and 16. Worked well for us, meant I was on hand… just in case, I didn’t need to take sick days if my children were unwell or sent home from school, also meant I could do after school activities with them easier than I could if I was working full time.

I started working full time in 2020 after going back to college to gain a qualification and begin a new career. My hours then went up to 40 hrs a week which were far too much as I felt my weekends were spent doing housework and catching up on laundry so didn’t really get a proper day off. I’ve changed to 30hrs in a new place of work and earn more for the 30hrs than I did for 40. So I’m back to working part time and loving it, it just makes life easier.

full time working as a mum is stressful.

P/T when they’re young, full time when they’re teens. Most teens I know (including my three) barely notice us not being there for the 1/1.5 hours when they get home. Now that I’m f/t I’m building my pension back up to a good level after being p/t for so many years.

I have 4 dc. When they were little I didn’t have the option for PT, but I did go PT from when they were 6,7,12 and 13 to 8, 10, 15 and 16.
Between 12-16 mine wouldn’t have noticed or cared if I was FT or PT, but it made a massive (positive) difference between 6 and 10. So I’d definitely say primary over secondary.

I think the teen years can be potentially a rollercoaster..A friend who always worked full-time 70 hour weeks and whose children never knew any different, was shocked when one developed massive anxiety (wouldn't go out / school refusing) aged 13 and another serious anorexia aged 15. It happened so quickly. The doctors said they had separation anxiety from early childhood and issues frequently re-play in the teen years. This is when you see the impact.

Social media is a huge problem now too. If you've had a bad day or are having issues with friends or school is feeling too much, it's not great to come home to an empty house. Some teens are fine, but you just can never know.

YABU. Mine are 14 and 17 and I've just gone back to a full-time job after being part-time since they were born. I don't think there's any comparison tbh - I think it's far, far easier to be back at work properly now that they are more independent. Of course they still need plenty of support, but not in such an urgent, on-the-spot way.

My dc come home on the school bus and are at home for at least an hour and a half before dh and I get home. They let the dog out, feed him and the cat and get on with some homework or chill out for a bit. We are then with them all evening and obviously they don't go bed as early as little ones, so we have more time with them. Whereas if I were getting home at 5:30 or 6pm and picking up little ones from childcare, I'd hardly see them before bed time. Also, my teens are able to contribute to chores etc, which makes things much easier now that I've got a full workload.

part time through primary where parents shape the children, full time through secondary when they have more independence. Kids needs vary in secondary.