Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

The doctors said they had separation anxiety from early childhood and issues frequently re-play in the teen years. This is when you see the impact.

So that's surely an argument for being around more when they're little, so that they are secure in their attachments and hopefully make an easier transition to teenage?

I've worked FT throughout. I was glad that I had reached a point/role where I had some flexibility for the late Primary/early Secondary years though as they were the most fraught and where I felt me being there vs anyone else was important. To be fair, having a dh who travelled a lot, I never pushed for promotion or jobs involving travel when dc was younger. It has had an impact, but she's gone to Uni now and I plan to make up for it if possible,

I think it also really depends on what you do. There are jobs and jobs.

I think if i'd gone part time when dd was small my career would never have been the same.

I work part time (3days) my children are 11 and 9. I don't ever plan on going full time.

Teens need you, just in different ways. They need less physical supervision but definitely more emotional and in my experience it's more complex (esp as one of them has asd/adhd and depression) - I work full time but in a job where I can wfh and be flexible, so I think it depends on your kids' temperaments and the kind of job you do

Same here. Although mine are 13 and 10!

I worked part time when mine were small, now as pension pot isn't as I need it to be I am regretting those years financially but do not regret fir a minute the time with my kids when they were small. I worked full time when they started school so it was just for 5 years, then low paid jobs for a few years which let me fit in with school holidays.
I was married, he had a good job and we expected to share his pension. So becoming a single parent when not expecting to also had something to do with it.

Well, I went back to work full time when both of mine were 3 months old (this was back in the late 80s when Mat pay/leave was nothing like it is now!)

I've been working full time ever since...so I'm not sure how or why you think you might need to 'choose' a 'better time' to go part time! Why can't you simply 'go back to work'?

It's a sometimes MN thing but most people I know work full time with school aged children right through to, and including, teen years. I just think it's one of those defensive assertions to try to justify something that doesn't need to be justified.

@SpringIntoChaos

Cause your kids will clearly end up with mh issues if you work

🙄

@Meredusoleil - good on you too!! I admit I'm not overly driven but I never understand why people would even consider going full time lol . If we can afford to live on me working pt, then I'd rather be able to use my time doing things I like. Hopefully teenagers would get a pt weekend job once the reach appropriate age to fund their social lives.

@slinkydinkydonkey

Presumably you understand why your oh works full time?

You’re right, only women have hobbies and enjoy free time.
Your husband’s only hobby should be working full time.

@Runnerduck34 this is a great post.
Its helpful and well balanced.

I agree though. You need to do what is best for you now. You never know what will happen in the future or when they will need you there the most.
Also i think every family dynsmic is different so whats right for one at one point may not be for another, so another reason to do whats best for you now (IMO).

I hope this doesn't decend into another WM vs SAHM rant. As one poster already here will try to do
(Thankfully they appear to be getting ingnored with their unrelated nonsense quotes as per usual 🥱)

I think school wise they need you more age 9-14. My dd certainly did.

I went part time when I went back to work when my son was 1. As an only child it worked well - he became more socially adjusted and also learned mum had a career but would always come home. My son developed crohns at 13 and we went through years of hell, I ve never gone back full time. He did and still needs me years later. We are very close but you never know what’s round the corner. This is the shortened version!

I've worked full time since mine were small and it was when my oldest was mid way through secondary that I suddenly felt guilty about working full time and wished I could be around more ( I still work full time due to finances so I'm not biased ).

I found that when they were younger, as long as I had fed them, bathed them, helped them with their reading book and had a little chat, I was able to meet their needs. They'd be in bed around 7ish and I had the evening to finish work (teacher) do any housework etc.

Teenagers (well mine anyway) want long discussions about school/ friendship issues/ current affairs. They don't go to bed at 7pm and need me as a tutor most evenings once GCSEs started. Plus clubs are later for older ones which means we are often out of the house of an evening til gone 9pm and so there is even less time to cook healthy meals or do the million loads of washing.

I think it'd make sense to progress in your career now if you can make full time working work with childcare etc. But ultimately you have to do what works for you and your family. Good luck.

@Topgub @luxxlisbon my hubby loves working- helps that he's in an industry that he enjoys and gets well paid. . If he wanted to he could drop a day also.

I have a 17yo. I can't imagine why you would need to work part time at secondary school unless they had significant health needs.

I would work part time when they are younger. If you can have one of you working from home when they are older i think that is enough. We both have hybrid working, so once of us is always around for an after school chat and to make sure homework gets done.

@slinkydinkydonkey

But you said you couldn't understand why people wanted to work full time?

@Topgub yes, if people can afford to work part time, then I don't understand why they would want to but I get that some people ( like DH) love working etc. i just haven't been very career focused. It absolutely wasnt me trying to be a dick (if that's how you've taken it)

My youngest starts high school next year and I’ll be going full time then. Part time has been invaluable in terms of school holidays meaning only 3 days a week to sort out child care and also after school clubs. I do feel sad I won’t be there for the majority of school holidays now but I need to think of my pensions now and focus on getting that mortgage paid ! My oldest will be 15 and although he’s lucky he’s had me around more I don’t think he’s needed me, I barely see him most of the time (gaming, coding etc!)