Work PT when they're children or teenagers?

[Devilledmeg]

So often I read on here people saying they work PT when their children are in nursery or primary school and then go back to FT when they are in secondary school. Then I read others who now have adult children saying actually their children needed them much more when they were in secondary school.and that's the best time to go PT.

It's left me thinking it's much better to work full time now (both children nursery age) so I can progress my career as much as possible and build up my pension with more years to compound. Maybe I could even retire by GCSE/A level time. The only thing putting me off is I know others say the most enjoyable time to be a parent is until they're about 9/10 when they want to hang out with you, rather than later when you're unspeakably embarrassing and a bore.

Anyway, what do you think is best? Doing both is definitely not an option for me! Particularly interested in parents of adult children who are able to look back and give advice.

YABU - Go part time in nursery/ primary school

YANBU - Go part time in secondary school

Folk do realise its possible to work full time and still talk to your kids yeah?

I'd agree with this, the people I know who are crying 'but they need you even more as teenagers!' are SAHM's under pressure from their husband to go back to work, who don't want to start back at the bottom and work their way up after 10-12 years out of paid work. It doesn't take several hours from 3.30- 10.30 each day to find out about a teenagers day, you can chat to them in the kitchen at 6pm cooking dinner together etc.

I’ve always worked FT and found it very difficult during the primary years.

Now my DD is in secondary it is way easier.

Primary you need wrap around care and someone to collect them, secondary they can get the bus and are ok being at home alone.

Primary there’s constantly things going on at school for parents to attend, which secondary there’s hardly anything.

I feel primary kids come home and want to spend time with parents but secondary need time to themselves.

If I could choose I would definitely do PT in the primary years.

Just because they don’t want anything to do with us doesn’t absolve us of parental responsibility. They are still dependent at secondary school.

^ yes

Or around the dinner table
Or cleaning up/loading dishwasher after dinner
Or when you are taxi-ing them to activities/friends
Or when you drag them out for a quick trip to the supermarket with you
Or on the drive over to visit their grandparents
Or walking the dog
Or before bed
Or all weekend
Or anytime really - doesn't need to be the 1-2 hours when they get home from school and will probably be grabbing a snack/drink then doing homework/revising most nights anyway

Pt when at primary if possible. Ft when in high school. I totally disagree that teenagers need you more. Unless you live in the sticks and fancy driving them everywhere then they don't need you more and they'll prefer it if you're not around more. I speak from experience btw.

Depends on child and your job. Tricky age is 11 or 12. If you are out of house 8-6 5 days is tricky for school hols as they are too old for childcare but 10 hrs a day alone day in day out is a lot for an 11 yr old. If you are wfh or term time only very different.
I did find mine more chatty at 4.15pm after school, I was wfh and just had a tea break then.

Definitely when they're younger.

I have never had the (financial) opportunity to work PT. My DSs are now 11 and 13, my work commitment and seniority has ramped right up over the last couple of years and I feel like it is impacting my 'presence' with the boys. I would absolutely love to be available to them in the afternoons and evenings instead of being glued to the computer in meetings!!

You can't really know ahead how much your DC will need you at each stage.
Some sail through teenage years others struggle immensely and need a lot of emotional support.
You can't tell which way it will go.
So make a decision based on what works now as no one has a crystal ball.
They grow up very quick , baby toddler years are gone in a flash but nursery care is often simpler than when they are at school and need combination of breakfast, after school and holiday clubs and often do lots of activities/ hobbies.
Teens usually don't need the same supervision, but depending on whether you live they may need a fair bit if ferrying around. Their emotional needs you just won't know until you get there.
I will say though that I've known a fair few "perfect" children become derailed during teenage years usually with MH. So I would say never rest on your laurels!

I think the answer is to be flexible and not set in stone (if financially possible).

I dropped to a 4 day week when my DSes needs (SN) became too much for me to work FT and be the parent I wanted to be.

As a teenager I loved having my mum home after school (she worked school hours).

We ve just moved overseas so Im taking a career break (will use the time to train) and my DSes (8 and 11) have said several times how much they like me being around more.

Looking back I do not regret at all being FT until they were 7 and 5. It meant that when I did move to a 4 day week I kept a good salary

Mine are 16 and 18, I went part time last year. They need me so much now for emotional support. When they are younger as long as they have someone to keep them safe it's ok but now they need me.

Depends on the dc. I work ft. Ds doesn’t care, busy living his teenage life. On the other hand Dd hates the days when I’m in the office and much prefers when I wfh and collect her from school. She likes to tell me about her day and spend time together after school.

On my wfh days I plan my time so that I can finish at 4pm to collect her and spend the evenings with her. That sometimes means starting at 6am, other times I do a couple of hours finishing up when she is in bed. I think she would really struggle if my job didn’t allow that and if it didn’t I would likely go pt to accommodate. I love my job but dd will be off to uni in a few short years so I want to spend as much time as possible with her while she still wants to be around me.

OMG the brace appointments. I'd be losing so much annual leave if I worked FT.

Very well put @Runnerduck34

I have two DCs at uni now and a YR 6 at home I've worked part-time throughout.
If I have to choose, I am would probably say part time when they're in primary and full time when they're in secondary school but it's not a straightforward choice.

I wouldn't like the idea of my children coming home from school at 4 pm to find no one at home and no cooked meals until later. They needed a lot of ferrying around as teenagers and it would have been hard working full time. Housework and keep g the fridge well stocked also wasn't any lighter when they were teenagers.

@Runnerduck34 is absolutely right
I worked FT through early years but have stopped working now they are in secondary. DD has really struggled and being able to ease her out the door in the morning and being here when she gets home is massively important. DS different person completely and absolutely could have worked FT with him in secondary. There is no right or wrong answer

I actually have 2 jobs my full time one, and I do deliveries 2 nights a week. My daughter stays with her dad 2 nights. (Wednesday I work later, and Thursday is a delivery night) I do deliveries Saturday night and she comes with me. I have no choice and in all honesty she is never in bed before 10.30 on a Saturday anyway. We always stay up late. We are home by 10pm in our pjs and having a cuddle and tv time together. My full time job is mon - fri and very flexible. I do drop off and pick ups most days. We spend the evenings and weekends together. I worked part time until she was 3 then went full time as no choice. I have 3 years until high school. Financially in no way able to reduce hours unfortunately unless I win the lottery lol xxx

14yo "barely need supervision"😂😂😂

Also, it is possible that you find your teenagers need you around more and you have to stop working FT. But I think it is fairly unusual and it is not a reason not to try working FT.

So many single parents to teens

Who knew?

I wish dh and I didn't work ft now that dd is in her teens. She is not studious or conscientious at all and generally pretty immature. One or other of us gets in 5/6ish and then have to start dinner, running kids to clubs etc. We both work late on occasion and have our own work to do in the evenings. I didn't mind not having time for homework when they were in primary but now I feel like we are letting them down massively as she's not getting the support or time she needs. Weekends are busy, eldest dd has a job and I want her to see her friends a bit too. If one of us was home and free in that 4pm onwards window I think it would make a massive difference. She's trying harder now but still floundering.

So to answer your question eventually I'd say teens!

My dd 16 needed serious support during GCSE exams. She had terrible anxiety. Constant trips to GP for letters, endless contacting school. I was exhausted. No way could l have helped her if l was working.

They need a lot more emotional/ reassurance/ mental health support than little ones. And you have to pick times for the sex talk, the drugs talk, the be safe talk, the your body your boundary talk over and over again.

It's personal choice. I worked part time until recently. Now full time. Some posters say they have more need attention as teenagers, but mine didn't. I agree with Jenn, in primary i needed more flexibility for sports days, going in to see their books etc. with secondary you don't go in at all really. They get themselves there on their own. It's easier.

No supervision in school holidays?😂😂😂

Apsrt from potential drug taking, parties, shagging gf all whilst he’s on holiday and yours at work.