To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

[User3billion]

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

^Exactly this^

@Marvellousmadness

whats your point?

her teenager should not have eaten your birthday chocs

you can still have things of your own once you become a parent you know

I bet you’re one of those people who think adults well mums in particular are selfish and childish if they expect their family to buy them a birthday present

My dad used to buy ‘special treats’ for my younger two siblings and it was a horrible feeling. If I buy food now then I make sure all of my children have a share, but I’d never say no to someone because I’d bought it specially for a different household member. It’s just unkind, and I certainly wouldn’t do that to another adult.

@LuckySantangelo35

It's chocolate. Not a bottle of whiskey.

She's a grown up. Do adults really need chocolate so badly that they keep their special stash from their family members?

I'm genuinely baffled by this. What is it his hoarding of unhealthy food teaching children?

I have a similar situation.

Middle daughter is struggling with eating (sensory issues and anxiety), so I will buy specific things that I know she will eat (there are very few of them).

My youngest will go in the fridge and eat EVERYTHING. So say I buy a pack of biscuits, she will have 1 or 2 and put them back to have one the next day. He will find them and eat the whole packet. I've explained to him that she has a really limited diet and that it's important to leave her some of what she can eat. He always lies and gets outraged that I "blame" him when he's got the empty wrappers in his room or chocolate round his mouth.

I am obese, so have always been really mindful not to make food a weapon, as it's how I started putting on weight (after my mum fed me diet food and refused to let me have any sweets etc). But I'm struggling to know how to make this work.

It doesn't help that she will only eat packaged food (so prepacked sandwiches and sushi yes, if I make her a sandwich, no). So it's very expensive and if he then eats the three packs that are there for her for the next three days it's infuriating.

On the other hand he says she gets the nice stuff and he doesn't. Which is not true, but I don't buy food just for him because he will eat anything.

I am thinking I have to resort to lockable boxes and give everyone the same ration of treats at the beginning of the week and that way it's fair.

@mathanxiety

if something is bought for OP then it is not for the children is it because IT IS NOT THEIRS

im sure the kids get lots of treats of their own

if someone buys me say Hotel Chocolat chocs for my birthday should I just them share them out equally with my kids then in your book cos im not deprived of choc and I can always buy more?

fuck that

because a) not everyone can or wants to spend their money buying more and b) well I’m just not a Martyr who thinks that I can never keep anything just for me anymore just cos I happen to have kids so

Yes, of course you can have things of your own when you're a parent.

But chocolate?

@mathanxiety

yep chocolate ! Why not? If it’s been bought for you specially as a gift then of course you can have it to yourself

The clue is in the eldest’s behaviour really. They are showing anxiety. You really need to update this thread with ages of children though.

That sounds really hard, but from his point of view, is he getting what he sees as nice food available for him to eat? I know what I see as nice, ds wouldn't!

What are you going to do about it?
Actually this is the crux of it.
You said no and they went ahead and ate them anyway.
Birthday chocolates also very selfish , entitled behaviour.
There should be a consequence.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable for people to have designated food. It can be really disappointing if someone’s eaten the thing you’ve been looking forward to 😆

Me too.

Why anxiety? They are showing typical self absorbed teenage behaviour and disregard of rules and being told no. But not anxiety

I think you are trying too hard to make things 'fair' most treats are shared but someone has to have the last slice of cake or the last muffin etc Kids should learn this from an early age so they can handle disappointment.

My kids get some (most) of the treat foods we buy, but no-one gets all the treats and there's no saving treats it for a specific person. Unless it is Christmas choc or easter treats which are theirs only.

Were you trying to avoid a tantrum or meltdown from your youngest? That's the only reason I can see that you were annoyed about the crepes being eaten.

The 14 yo should not be helping himself to your personal birthday choc no, but general snacks and treats that other family members have already enjoyed surely that is fair game?

No food is " unhealthy"
Thats a very wierd outlook.
Its quantities in a diet that make consumption unhealthy not an individual serving.
Taking a special gift of chocolates given for someone elses birthday is rude, selfish and shows a lack of boundaries.

Ps yes I always offer and share.
Its one of the nice things about being given something special.
Woe betide anyone who just ate them though.

If it was cheap you should have bought more knowing your eldest would be back from camp.

Keeping and hoarding are not the same thing. Your technique will result in disordered eating. If a child hasn't finished their treat and they know it will be a free for all and not saved until they want it later, they will shovel it all down and not save it for later. It is perfectly normal and right to teach children that everything isn't theirs. What entitled brats they will become.

OP...your youngest are not old enough to go to camp...but your eldest IS...so he did...but it doesn't mean he's not allowed to eat when he comes home, and it doesn't mean that your little ones 'deserve' treating because their brother has gone! Why are you banging on about this?

Stop conflating the two issues...they are separate and not comparable! 🤦‍♀️

Your eldest CAME HOME and was hungry...there was literally no reason for you to deny him the bloody pancakes other than a control issue! None 🤷‍♀️

Bonkers! Completely bonkers!

Imagine growing up in a household where nothing is ever 'yours'. Everything is community goods. Why stop at food. Makes no sense at all. It would have to include clothes and toiletries otherwise no logic would make sense. It makes no sense to say all good is everyone's but toiletries are not. Buying some nice perfume for one would be unfair. They should share after all even if it's a birthday present. .... This would be a very unhealthy household That would make for a lot therapy in later life.

I imagine she didn't think for one minute - it was a pack of pancakes that the little ones asked for.
It would be exhausting for me to go out and get say some ice cream and to forward think a few days and consider if other DS might be about.
If older DS sulked cos he didn't get any I'd send him down the shop, or point out the zillion of times when he's had something and his DB hasn't, or I don't know just shoo him out of the door.

Erm its not the Op who sounds bonkers!
Perhaps you are hangry ?

Op said no as it was dinner time, he took them any way and has form for taking other peoples food gifts.
Not on.

Your eldest CAME HOME and was hungry...there was literally no reason for you to deny him the bloody pancakes other than a control issue! None

The younger ones had asked for them and she had said yes. That's not control. That's setting aside something.
The older son could make a sandwich or probably all manner of other things (maybe even using the....gasp...oven, which the younger ones are probably not allowed to use), but no, he chose the one thing the OP had asked him not to eat.

I bet you're the sod who hoovers up all the treats within a day leaving none for anyone else, aren't you?