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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

365 replies

User3billion · 19/09/2022 10:53

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 19/09/2022 15:02

Summerfun54321 · 19/09/2022 12:47

What are you teaching your kids allowing some to have treats and not others? Have you forgotten the concept of sharing? Your eldest was right to ignore your ridiculousness.

Op said her eldest was given tuck money ie money for weekend treats.

The rule should be if you don’t want to get green eyes at your little siblings treats, save some of your own, surely?

TheOrigRights · 19/09/2022 15:04

YANBU OP. You asked your teenager not to eat something. He ate it with no regard for what you had asked or for his younger siblings. I am pretty sure he doesn't go without.

People saying you are abusive, controlling or have an ED are frankly minimising people who do live in abusive or controlling environments or live with or something with an ED.

Dragonskin · 19/09/2022 15:04

Floofboopsnootandbork · 19/09/2022 13:43

My brother and mum who are currently living with me in my house ate a whole 10 pack of babybels bare one that I’d had this weekend. I bought them Saturday and made it clear to them they were mine for me to take to work, by Sunday afternoon they are all gone. I wouldn’t have minded them having 1 or 2 but to eat 9!!!! It’s not the first time either, I had to buy a mini fridge/freezer for out bedroom as them taking mine and DPs food was getting out of hand and now they just come into our room to take it and laugh about it like it’s just some cute quirky thing they do to take away food I need for work or dinner. So I understand your frustration BUT you was also being unfair to your eldest to not even let them have 1 when the others had already had 2 each.

They would be getting thrown out of my house if they carried on like that

CatchersAndDreams · 19/09/2022 15:05

It wasn't a brag 😂

Normal restrictions on food do not cause eating disorders. You don't have to give your dc unlimited access to food to prevent an eating disorder.

Eating disorders generally stem from feelings of insecurity and anxiety. It's not really about the food.

Marvellousmadness · 19/09/2022 15:09

You said

"I said no because it was almost dinner time and because they were for the younger ones"

Thats saying two things

Plus what a louzy thing to say something is only for the younger siblings CONSIDERING they already had them on sunday as well.... so your plan was they could have it twice.

And your oldest couldn't have any?!

Now that's a bitch ass move.

MightyFishwife · 19/09/2022 15:10

Reminds me of my childhood, OP: my brother was a human hoover, searching out and eating all the treat foods in the cupboards within a day or two of them being bought.

Eventually, I requested a designated cupboard for my stuff so he wouldn’t eat it and I’d be able to have treats sometimes too. It didn’t work, he’d wait til I went out and scoff that lot too.

Eating more than your fair share of goodies, especially when you know they’re not for you, is really poor behaviour and - in my case, with my brother - led to me having disordered eating that persists til today.

YADNBU

Marvellousmadness · 19/09/2022 15:12

@CatchersAndDreams you do realise that some people with severe eating disorders have a MENTAL disorder. Not just anxiety or insecurity right.

Im talking severe eating disorders . Not some 15 year old sticking her finger down her throat to vomit up some binged food every once in a while

2bazookas · 19/09/2022 15:12

In our household, all food bought/ given/grown /cooked is for all the family . There are no individual menus/ stashes ever.

Ivyy · 19/09/2022 15:13

Crikey op can't believe some of the ott reactions on this thread! Calling you abusive etc this is bonkers! I'd be annoyed with dc if they'd been asked not to eat something and they ignored it and had not just one but all that was left. I'm wondering if your ds was almost making a point though that he thought it was unfair? I suppose the fairest thing is each dc gets to have the same amount, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way for various reasons. Not sure how going to camp means the eldest couldn't have his share of the pancakes though? Is it because they got treats there and the pancakes were the treats for the other two?

mumto2teenagers · 19/09/2022 15:14

I cannot understand why your eldest could not have the crepes, the other children had already had some.

In our house anyone can eat any of the food bought. It's not like he ate the whole packet and didn't leave any for the other dc's, he ate the last 2 after they had already had some.

The chocolates are a bit different, we wouldn't take each others birthday chocs without being offered.

mathanxiety · 19/09/2022 15:17

YABU

A grown adult should share a birthday treat. You're not deprived of chocolate or the opportunity to buy more for yourself if you want some.

All food should be equally available to all the children.

RJnomore1 · 19/09/2022 15:17

Marvellousmadness · 19/09/2022 15:12

@CatchersAndDreams you do realise that some people with severe eating disorders have a MENTAL disorder. Not just anxiety or insecurity right.

Im talking severe eating disorders . Not some 15 year old sticking her finger down her throat to vomit up some binged food every once in a while

You do realise anxiety is also a mental disorder if in inappropriate levels and contexts?

And how horribly dismissive of teenage girls struggles you are.

For what it’s worth @CatchersAndDreams is right. Forcing children to eat is far more likely to cause eating disorders than saying sometimes some foods are not for them. Not everything has to be for everyone.

Then again this is the same website that didn’t think children should have their own underwear, a big communal pile of clean underwear was fine for them all to use. I’ve never really got over that one.

mrsm43s · 19/09/2022 15:18

Two crepes is a perfectly reasonable breakfast for a 14 year old. I genuinely can't think why he would be denied a perfectly reasonable breakfast, especially since he'd not had any other of the crepes, and his siblings had already had two each, plus there were other breakfast foods they could have.

The birthday chocolates he shouldn't have eaten.

Marvellousmadness · 19/09/2022 15:19

Have you reread your post op?
You should...
Youll see how rediculous you sound

" someone ate my birthday chocolates boohoo"

deedledeedledum · 19/09/2022 15:25

@Stripedbag101 because it's not just about 2 pancakes is it. It's about the 14 year old constantly just taking what he wants even when explicitly asked not to. Can you seriously not see this? Don't be so literal. It's not about the pancakes. It's about the OP having zero control and as they are the one organising the food for the house, it's flipping annoying to find stuff you had plans for disappearing. I know what it's like. I'd have something I'd planned for supper and someone would scoff part if it so when I went to naked supper it was gone. I'd buy in stuff for a coffee morning at ours and someone would eat half of it. I would discover it too late. Can you really not see how the disrespectful this is? Would you seriously be saying 'duh, so it was for a coffee morning, it's just some cakes and why didn't you buy more then' ? Maybe because bulk buying of treats is not something normal people do

mathanxiety · 19/09/2022 15:26

I think it's just plain weird to have specific foods off limits for all but one person in the house. Whether everyone else respects the malt loaf situation is beside the point. You're a family. You share a house, and imo all food should be for everyone.

Buying a whole packet of biscuits as a treat for one child to eat is ludicrous and very puzzling because it's too much for one child, it's being used as a reward for going out shopping with you, and because you are using food to divide your family into 'people who snooze and lose' and Mum's little friends.

If you absolutely must buy a treat for the kid who goes to the supermarket with you it should be something small like a kit kat that they can eat in the car on the way home.

deedledeedledum · 19/09/2022 15:27

mumto2teenagers · 19/09/2022 15:14

I cannot understand why your eldest could not have the crepes, the other children had already had some.

In our house anyone can eat any of the food bought. It's not like he ate the whole packet and didn't leave any for the other dc's, he ate the last 2 after they had already had some.

The chocolates are a bit different, we wouldn't take each others birthday chocs without being offered.

So if you bought yourself some Laduree macarons at great expense for yourself, you are obliged to buy enough for everyone? So you are never again allowed a treat for yourself once you are a parent???? Haaaaa haaaaa what a sucky life

mathanxiety · 19/09/2022 15:28

If your 14 yo has to ask for snacks then you are doing something very strange and unhealthy with food in your home. You're using it as a means of controlling your children.

OldWivesTale · 19/09/2022 15:29

Yabu. The youngest had already had some and you should have said the eldest could have the rest. Or, if you know he likes them too, get two packs in the first place.

londonlass71 · 19/09/2022 15:31

yabvr why can eldest not have it? I would have said eat dinner first then you can have one. Seems ceey unfair the youngest/younger ones get and the oldest doesn't. Vice versa as well. I think it sets an unhealthy precendent around treats and food. It ends in stealing and lying as this situation allegedly has.

Stripedbag101 · 19/09/2022 15:32

deedledeedledum · 19/09/2022 15:25

@Stripedbag101 because it's not just about 2 pancakes is it. It's about the 14 year old constantly just taking what he wants even when explicitly asked not to. Can you seriously not see this? Don't be so literal. It's not about the pancakes. It's about the OP having zero control and as they are the one organising the food for the house, it's flipping annoying to find stuff you had plans for disappearing. I know what it's like. I'd have something I'd planned for supper and someone would scoff part if it so when I went to naked supper it was gone. I'd buy in stuff for a coffee morning at ours and someone would eat half of it. I would discover it too late. Can you really not see how the disrespectful this is? Would you seriously be saying 'duh, so it was for a coffee morning, it's just some cakes and why didn't you buy more then' ? Maybe because bulk buying of treats is not something normal people do

Okay calm down😂😂😂😂😂😂

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/09/2022 15:34

mathanxiety · 19/09/2022 15:17

YABU

A grown adult should share a birthday treat. You're not deprived of chocolate or the opportunity to buy more for yourself if you want some.

All food should be equally available to all the children.

@mathanxiety

nah

if someone has bought me chocs as a birthday treat I am not obliged to share them with anyone including my children

just in the same way i wouldn’t expect them to share out their birthday chocs

kids do not have to have everything an adult does

maiafawnly · 19/09/2022 15:34

People on here are so strange. All food should be a free for all? Give over. My kids buy treats with their own money. My middle child loves a certain ben and jerrys and will often buy himself a tub with his own money from chores. My youngest loves going to the artisan markets for fudge. Again own money earned through chores. If these items are put in the fridge and freezer, as they arent eaten in one sitting, its a free for all for anyone else to take them? Not a chance would i enforce that in my house. They are theirs. And if another child took it without asking there would be consequences.

It is perfectly reasonable a treat item for other children lasts 3 days when the last child had their own treats too. It's perfectly reasonable to tell that child not to take whats left of the other childrens treats once his is over.

Somethingneedstochange · 19/09/2022 15:34

YANBU maybe have a house rule if you have said you have bought them for the younger children they have to replace what they have eaten. Especially eating someone else's chocolates they had bought for them. But it's very selfish they eat the younger siblings food they had asked for as a treat. Only to find they had been eaten when they wanted them.

londonlass71 · 19/09/2022 15:36

YANBU with the birthday chocolates but if I'm honest I always share the stuff I love to eat (unless dietary issue etc). It's always kept out for everyone to help themselves. If you feel you want it only for yourself then hide it where nobody knows. I do think overall this whole post is a bit weird around food and treats.