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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect food to still be there if I've said no to eating it?

365 replies

User3billion · 19/09/2022 10:53

Is it OK to have food in the house that belongs to a specific person?!

For instance this weekend eldest was away on camp & two youngest wanted crepes (just a cheap packet of ready made ones). Last night when eldest got back he asked if he could have one.... I said no as it was nearly dinner time and they'd been bought for the little ones.

There were two left in the pack - went to get the youngest one this morning as she asked for it for breakfast and eldest has eaten BOTH. He's also denied it but it couldn't be anyone else.

I've had chocolate bought for my birthday recently and eldest has helped themselves (I wouldn't mind but I've shared it when I've been eating it so it's not as if I've been selfish). They don't care that it's not theirs, if it's not hidden, they eat it.

There's plenty of other food in the house that they're welcome to help themselves to.... bread, cooked meats, cheese, a selection of cereals, fruit, yogurt etc

So am I being unreasonable saying that if something is bought for someone else it should still be there for them to eat?!

OP posts:
unici5 · 19/09/2022 14:20

Noteverybodylives · 19/09/2022 13:28

Honestly, the fact you’re asking this on here is why your teen is selfishly walking all over you. You shouldn’t need to ask us how to set rules in your own house. You know your son is thoughtless, rude and a liar. I would deal with that instead of prevaricating on here for a reason not to.

Fucking hell!

He ate his share of the crepes not stole OPs car.

I think @Testina means equivocating?

YABU, OP.

SillySausage81 · 19/09/2022 14:27

Btw I think some people in this thread maybe just have no idea what it's like to live with someone who's liable to eat everything. For example, most people will buy a bunch or two of bananas that are "for everyone", and over the course of a few days you notice the bunch dwindling until there's only a couple left so you buy another bunch. But an ex of mine would sometimes eat an entire bunch of bananas in one sitting, so then I'd go to grab one for my packed lunch in the morning thinking there was a whole bunch that we bought yesterday and there'd be none left, and that would be my lunch plans screwed.

It's just so bloody annoying thinking you've got something in the fridge, looking forward to a treat, even planning your day around what food you think you've got in, only for someone else to have scoffed it all without thinking to leave a bit for everyone else or replace it. The whole thing of "everyone help themselves" only works if everyone eats what others deem to be a reasonable amount at a reasonable speed, and is considerate. Which not everyone is.

lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2022 14:30

Autumndays123 · 19/09/2022 13:30

Obviously the two situations are not identical but you seem unwilling to grasp the basic principle on that you are controlling your children through food and showing clear favouritism.

I'm not sure why you bothered posting. You've been told dozens of times how unreasonable you're being and how damaging your behaviour is to you child. You don't want to listen, you don't want to believe it, so what exactly is the point of this thread? Were you wanting a bunch of strangers to leap to your defence and slag off your child and say how horrible he is and how hard done by you are?

Show quote history

Sorry this is bollocks. The older child doesn’t get to eat what they want when they want. Nice food was not in short supply.
Just entitled behaviour full stop.
Like kids that eat the advent calendar because “it’s only a few bits of chocolate” totally missing the point.

Thatboymum · 19/09/2022 14:31

Yeah my grandma used to do this , she liked my older sister significantly more and she would say “x is a growing girl she needs it more” while denying me all sorts and it went on for years and caused me massive resentment and questioning why I was any less deserving of food than a sibling 2 years older than me. I think your being massively unreasonable the children should be treated as equals, the other two had their share while the oldest was away and he had just as much entitlement to the food as them. It just screams of favouritism to me.

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/09/2022 14:33

YANBU

but on mumsnet people are so weird about food and kids….

you should never say no to them or risk them having an ED, you should let them eat you out of house and home and then ‘just buy more’, if someone buys you fancy chocs for your birthday you shouldn’t expect to eat them yourself, your kids should have them all as well as their own treats cos the ‘ kids come first ‘,

it’s bull shit!

Lavenderflower · 19/09/2022 14:36

For the most part I think treats should be shared but there does not need to be consideration. I only agree with being controlling with food if you are on the breadline etc.

Rainraindontgoaway · 19/09/2022 14:41

You sound very controlling over food. If I am buying treats for the family we are all included, I don’t excluded someone because they have been away or had something treating whilst they are out. You sound mean.

Stripedbag101 · 19/09/2022 14:42

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/09/2022 14:33

YANBU

but on mumsnet people are so weird about food and kids….

you should never say no to them or risk them having an ED, you should let them eat you out of house and home and then ‘just buy more’, if someone buys you fancy chocs for your birthday you shouldn’t expect to eat them yourself, your kids should have them all as well as their own treats cos the ‘ kids come first ‘,

it’s bull shit!

I think the responses have been pretty unanimous that the boy shouldn’t have eaten the chocolates.

but most have said eating two crepes when his two siblings had two crepes isn’t unreasonable and OP seems oddly worked up about it.

I think she is locked in a power struggle here - she wants to show him she in in control and he must do as he is told, must not overstep, must only eat what he has explicit permission to eat.

in most households he would have gotten into bother for the chocolates but few could get worked up about him eating two crepes.

Cantthinkofausername01 · 19/09/2022 14:42

Op I totally get where your coming from. My oldest child is like this aswell, I sometimes buy myself treats that are just for me and if I don't eat them within 1 day its gone. So frustrating and selfish

Wombat100 · 19/09/2022 14:43

Imagine having this much time in your life to worry about some crepes?

Mind boggling.

CatchersAndDreams · 19/09/2022 14:44

MN is sooo weird around food OP.

I would consider ready made crepes a treat food. I'm sure you sent your teenager off to camp with treats for a midnight feast or money for the snack shop. When one of mine goes on camp I buy the other one a take away or treats and if they had any left over I wouldn't expect them to give them to the other one (either way although they usually do share but it's a much closer age gap than yours).

It's pretty normal to expect your teen not to eat food set aside for a younger sibling if they have their own.

It's not normal for teens to eat your birthday chocolates. Like you I'd share one or two but they're my treat.

I have a cupboard with teen food they can help themselves too. Anything in the cupboard is fair game and it only gets replaced when I next go shopping. They have to ask for anything else and although it's never happened I'd be pretty pissed off if they ate other food that's meant for other things. Neither of mine have eating disorders for having to ask for other food, not helping themselves to other people's food and having a teen food cupboard.

Flangelasashes · 19/09/2022 14:44

Jesus wept buy TWO packs of cheap fucking crepes. Ridiculous.

SpinCityBlues · 19/09/2022 14:47

I think the OP has told this story is a very confusing way (especially which DC was where and who ate what and when), so no-one really has followed it and her corrections and clarifications, which is why she's getting all steamed up.

Monkeybutt1 · 19/09/2022 14:47

Since when were pancakes standard breakfast food?

SpinCityBlues · 19/09/2022 14:48

Monkeybutt1 · 19/09/2022 14:47

Since when were pancakes standard breakfast food?

Since people went off dust

Beautiful3 · 19/09/2022 14:49

I think its rude not to share food. I buy enough for all the kids to share.

academicyeah · 19/09/2022 14:50

This is weird to me. When my kids get back from camp I cook their favourite meal because they're tired and pleased to be home. Of course the rest of us do nice things and have treats while they're away but we don't continue to provide nice things for the others once everyone is home again.
Some 14 yo eat loads, especially after being away at camp. Food in this house is there to be eaten, it doesn't belong to anyone in particular (presents etc excepted).
Sounds like you don't like your eldest much actually, I hope they had a great time on camp.

Moonlight75 · 19/09/2022 14:50

Is the eldest a stepchild?

Why wasn’t they allowed the crepes? And the other ones did? You should buy for everyone and ensure everyone have their fair share

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/09/2022 14:54

academicyeah · 19/09/2022 14:50

This is weird to me. When my kids get back from camp I cook their favourite meal because they're tired and pleased to be home. Of course the rest of us do nice things and have treats while they're away but we don't continue to provide nice things for the others once everyone is home again.
Some 14 yo eat loads, especially after being away at camp. Food in this house is there to be eaten, it doesn't belong to anyone in particular (presents etc excepted).
Sounds like you don't like your eldest much actually, I hope they had a great time on camp.

@academicyeah

youve deduced she doesn’t like her eldest child because she was annoyed at him eating her birthday choc?!

you are allowed to be annoyed at your children you know when they display selfish behaviour

BirdinaHedge · 19/09/2022 14:55

they each had one Saturday morning & one Sunday morning.

So each of your two younger DCs had 2 each. And you are cranky with your eldest for eating 2???

Yes, he'd been to camp. But I assume that the 2 younger children will go to similar camps when they're old enough.

diddl · 19/09/2022 14:59

If the kids who had requested the crepes had had 2 each & there were two left I personally wouldn't care if they had another each or the other kid had the two.

But why not just pick up another pack so that the oldest could also have some?

Would be pissed off about the lying though.

academicyeah · 19/09/2022 14:59

Yes I have @LuckySantangelo35 otherwise why on earth is she getting so het up over a teenage boy eating food in the house. It's what they do. They're growing and hungry and chocolate crepes are more tempting than cereal or yoghurt.

ladymactíre · 19/09/2022 14:59

I see no reason to have preferential sharing of food in a household, unless there are some medical requirements. The food is for all to share and eat. Also the fact the eldest was in camp is irrelevant. The young ones will probably go as well at some point in their life.

Stripedbag101 · 19/09/2022 14:59

CatchersAndDreams · 19/09/2022 14:44

MN is sooo weird around food OP.

I would consider ready made crepes a treat food. I'm sure you sent your teenager off to camp with treats for a midnight feast or money for the snack shop. When one of mine goes on camp I buy the other one a take away or treats and if they had any left over I wouldn't expect them to give them to the other one (either way although they usually do share but it's a much closer age gap than yours).

It's pretty normal to expect your teen not to eat food set aside for a younger sibling if they have their own.

It's not normal for teens to eat your birthday chocolates. Like you I'd share one or two but they're my treat.

I have a cupboard with teen food they can help themselves too. Anything in the cupboard is fair game and it only gets replaced when I next go shopping. They have to ask for anything else and although it's never happened I'd be pretty pissed off if they ate other food that's meant for other things. Neither of mine have eating disorders for having to ask for other food, not helping themselves to other people's food and having a teen food cupboard.

It’s in really poor taste to brag that your children don’t have eating disorders.

eating disorders can destroy lives and are heartbreaking for everyone involved.

Cameleongirl · 19/09/2022 15:01

Hungry teens will literally eat anything in sight, IME, so if I want to save something for a receipe or someone's packed lunch, I put a sticky note on it with "Do not eat" and usually draw a skull and crossbones underneath to demonstrate how cross I'll be if they do. 😂

DH has some chocolate hidden in his wardrobe as it was bought for us (him and me).