Sitting in the front of the car

[zebraprint12]

Right, I need to be told if I'm AIBU.

DP's DD is 10. There is a tension between me and her. She is so conflicted. From one side she is cute and lovely, would want to play with me all the time, would talk to me about all sorts of stuff, would get me cards for mothers day, would say I love you, I miss you and would scream happy when I come over.

From the other hand she is jelaous about her dad. That goes to extreme sometimes, DP always reacts to what she does, talks to her, explains why we don't do this or that, except of one situation which is coming back all the time. Sitting in the front of the car.

She always used to sit in the front. For me, kids sit in the back where there is another adult in the car. It is a respect thing. When I have started coming over, I let her do it, then I have gradually started to change it. I didn't want her to be upset and felt like she was pushed out. But now, after two years of this she decided and told me that that my permanent place is in the back and I've to sit in the back even if she is not in the car. Her place is next to daddy in the front.

I have stood my ground a few months and said okay, if she wants to sit in the front, I don't need to be coming with them. I won't be sitting back for a child and play power trips with his DD with her thinking she can dictate where my place is. We told her it is safer for children to sit on the back and it worked for a while but she is challenging it more and more. DP doesn't do anything about it. He is upset with me because I have upset her and says it is a thing between me and her to sort but then he keeps telling her to try and negotiate with me when I say no.

Last night we dropped her off to her mum and she run downstairs like crazy just to be in the car first and to sit in the front and refuse to move.

AIBU? Am I being difficult?

Nope. It's the other way around. The 10 year old is power tripping against the OP

Does a 10 year old know what power tripping is?

It’s about not letting a 10 year old belittle others, regardless of who they are, by accessing her inner bolshiness and scrambling to get her own way. Life is soon going to smack her down for that. She needs to learn some grace.

Nope. It's the other way around. The 10 year old is power tripping against the OP.

Make her walk

Fucking hell 😂😂

What sad little lives these women must lead.

She’s 10.
There is no power tripping or belittling going on here from her.

If this is just about wanting to sit next to her dad then why does the DD also say the OP should be in the back even when its just OP and her partner?

OP, this little girl is just trying to navigate in line with the boundaries and examples she's been given. It's absolutely a DP issue, and he's also obviously playing you off each other. I'd take a step back from him entirely.

If you can drive I suggest you do that. Then she's either up front with you or in the back. No next to dad power play nonsense and then your DP needs to sort it out if he wants to be back in the front.

If this is just about wanting to sit next to her dad then why does the DD also say the OP should be in the back even when its just OP and her partner?

But OP had also said if her DP sits in the back then his DD will sit next to him, so it’s obviously about her wanting to sit next to him.

If OP drove the car then it would be up to DH to sit in the back with her or chose which one of them sits in the front.

I can’t see him sitting in the back whilst OP and DD are in the front.
Therefore this obviously a DP issue not a 10 year old on a power trip issue.

Ffs tell your dp ti stop being a dick and sort it out. If not now then when. Otherwise I would seriously be questioning the whole relationship

No idea but she certainly doesn't know what rudeness or respect is.

This is a power issue and will cause future issues. To be honest it's a deal breaker for me and I'd be out of there. It's not about who sits where. I've had 4 kids that age and would never pander to this.

All those saying this isn't a power trip/attempt to undermine the OP etc...

The kid is trying to dictate to the OP and her father that the OP doesn't sit in the front even when the child is NOT in the car!

She wants to sit with her father, thats understandable... but she also wants the OP NOT to sit next to her father and thats not on, she absolutely is trying to manipulate adults to make herself feel good.

It is up to her father to find out why that is and address it properly, not pass the buck to the OP over one obvious symptom of whatever the real problem is.

Kids sit in the back. Why doesn't your partner tell her she's being rude?

but she also wants the OP NOT to sit next to her father and thats not on, she absolutely is trying to manipulate adults to make herself feel good.

Or maybe, instead of pulling this dictatorial kids-only-sit-in-the-back-respect-thy-elders-seen-not-heard nonsense that so many PP apparently believe in when it comes to car journeys, OP and her DP should maybe stop and think WHY his DD needs to make herself feel good. Something's going on here, the kid is unhappy. Doesn't anyone give a shit about this?

I suspect that the only thing going on here is that a 10 year is getting away with it because her parent has no backbone. My 9 year old is the same. Jumps in the front seat and claims possession, but he doesn't get away with it if I'm travelling with another adult. He'd happily insist DH had to go in the back if he thought he'd get away with it.

WhY would she respect someone who stops her sitting next to her dad?

Who’s the child in this. It seems it’s the op. Fuss about nothing.

You’ve a massive DP problem.

I'm really surprised at the number of people that don't see this as a massive boundary setting setting issue. Absolute seal breaker for me and I'd be out as it shows a complete inability to effectively parent.

There are so many bigger hills to die on than who sits in the front seat of a car.

Is she unhappy or is she being a madam ? I know what I think is more likely.

It is not an issue for you and your partner's dd to sort out between yourselves, what absolute bollocks.

He's a cowardly evasive side stepper.

It's for him to sort out with his dd, whatever her reasons.

As others have said you have a massive partner problem.

He is not a reasonable, responsible, functional partner.

Is she unhappy or is she being a madam ?

Unhappy can simply be because she is possessive/territorial of her father and wants any partner of his to be below her in the relationship "status/hierarchy". Nothing deeper than that; vry natural but also very unhealthy and extremely problematic for ops relationship.

The posters saying no 20 yr old could be power playing etc ....
Catch a grip; kids younger than that power play, kids younger than that bully in a regular basis.... And they'll try to bully adults just like they try to bully other kids if they think they'll get away with it.

*10 yr old

Totally agree with you. She sounds like she has had her own way from her weak dad for a long time, and doesn't hear the word 'no' often enough.
I am surprised that nobody has said 'ohhhh I wonder if she she has SN' in true MN style hahahahaha

Incidentally I've had women tell me their daughter was like that towards them .... No unhappiness; just dominance, status, getting their way, being top dog ... A child who's like that is bound to be as bad or worse with a Dad's partner if they're like that with their own Mum.

My cousin's dd dies this - insists on sitting in the front beside her Dad while my cousin sits like a kid in tha back; she also dominates and is pandered to at home. Bedtimes sane as her parents, Mum or Dad have to sleep in beside her, wint tidy up any of own mess/toys no matter what threats etc.
She's not an unhappy child, not by a long shot.

If it isn't that, it'll be something else.

Why delay the inevitable.... Who h unfortunately is getting rid of this man or putting up with this utter nonsense until his dd is grown up (even then she'll still no doubt find ways of demonstrating and enforcing her status as superior to op on every occasion).

And this car thing is absolutely something to stand up for yourself on .... It's not occasional, it's every time; and she's trying to enforce it when she's not even in the fkg car!!!!!

Op sitting in the back like a taxi passenger with her partner in the front on his own, that's what this child wants. If she was able to, she'd be making sure op slept in a different room when they stay together, in fact dyed probably try to have her put on a camp bed in the garage.

But I bet he makes sure his little darling doesn't dictacte sleeping arrangements when he wants to get his end away. Bet he knows how to be avaduve and lie to her and make her butt out then.

I would not be having sex with a man who behaved like this, not a chance.

Yep.

You and my 20 yr old child should sort that out between yourselves.

Everytjmd op trues to set a boundary/standard, he undermines it/compromises it.

He's a coward, a shit parent and by default a shit partner.

*10!