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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
benning · 19/09/2022 00:21

@ScrambledEggsOnToast2
So you would invite someone to your house for dinner and then get a takeaway and expect them to pay?

Really?

Discwriter · 19/09/2022 00:24

YANBU OP. I think it's bad manners too, hanging out and getting a takeaway is very different from being invited for dinner. I would be looking at this friendship a bit more closely, hope it's not too much of a financial knock for you, £45 unplanned is a lot of money!

benning · 19/09/2022 00:25

not surprised she didn’t fancy cooking for you all.

Then she shouldn’t have invited them for dinner!

She should have said, ‘Would you mind if I don’t cook? We could pop out and get a takeaway instead.’

Which the OP would have understood as being something that would be split financially.

Sorry, OP, I’m incensed for you.

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 00:25

@Friday123

If you had read my earlier posts you would know that I was shocked at being asked for money towards the takeaway and how I wasn’t even sure if I had that much in my purse .

OP posts:
Jalepenojello · 19/09/2022 00:25

I don’t know, if a friend invited me over I’d ask what we were having and if there’s anything I could bring. Surely at that point is when you’d discuss food. They would then suggest takeaway and I would be prepared to pay half of course.

NameChangedForThis12398 · 19/09/2022 00:27

Your friends a CF. How rude of her. Decline the invite next time who the hell does that to a friend.

Thatboymum · 19/09/2022 00:30

I think your the CF for ordering a few dishes cause you assumed you weren’t paying for it. I’m baffled as to why you think you shouldn’t of had to pay your own way and also what the relevance is to her having a big house

Vapeyvapevape · 19/09/2022 00:30

BobbysGirly · 18/09/2022 22:53

£92 for a takeaway for 2 adults and 4 kids! 😱

Takeaways are extortionate these days . I ordered pie and chips yesterday just for me and it came to £12.50 !

Mamanyt · 19/09/2022 00:30

IF she specifically "invited you for dinner," then she should have paid the entire meal. IF she simply invited you around dinner time, that's a different situation. Give the difference in your respective families' sizes, I'd have suggested separate bills.

SpinCityBlues · 19/09/2022 00:32

I think she was quite CF tbh, @avamiah

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 00:33

@Discwriter

Yes it has really been playing on my mind and if I’m being honest I feel like a fool and should of spoke up at the time but I was more worried about if I had the cash in my purse .

OP posts:
Foronenightonly22 · 19/09/2022 00:35

avamiah · 19/09/2022 00:02

@Foronenightonly22 ,

No they are all similar age, well her kids are older by a couple of years as she has 2 twin girls and a older boy and yes they can eat.
The girls used to to go dance classes with my daughter when they were all very young.

@avamiah

Well then it just doesn’t make any sense then that she would expect you to pay half when there was a 4/2 split. Rude CF!

SpinCityBlues · 19/09/2022 00:35

avamiah · 19/09/2022 00:33

@Discwriter

Yes it has really been playing on my mind and if I’m being honest I feel like a fool and should of spoke up at the time but I was more worried about if I had the cash in my purse .

OP, I think like with many things in life it's a case of 'lesson learned - I know not to do that again'.

RainingRubies · 19/09/2022 00:36

BobbysGirly · 18/09/2022 22:53

£92 for a takeaway for 2 adults and 4 kids! 😱

This sounds about right to me, if the kids are older like the OP's? For three us I'd order probably 4 starters, 2 mains and a chow mein and add a decent tip and that comes to around half of the amount stated so double that to feed 6 seems about right?

OP - Yes if having a takeaway at someone else's house I'd expect to pay for what I ordered, unless we usually took turns to pick up the tab for meals.

SquareVertical · 19/09/2022 00:38

Does your friend have form for this? She is a CF. You are not being unreasonable.

Iwonder08 · 19/09/2022 00:38

She invited you explicitly for dinner. Either she cooks from scratch or order whatever takeaway it is a part of the invitation. What is the point of inviting someone fro dinner if you make them pay after? Extremely rude. The fact that you brought gifts just makes it worse.

starfishmummy · 19/09/2022 00:48

BobbysGirly · 18/09/2022 22:53

£92 for a takeaway for 2 adults and 4 kids! 😱

Don't know about Chinese food but takeaways are getting pricey where I live!!

RainingRubies · 19/09/2022 00:51

Oh I see now she invited you for dinner and you took gifts for her as the host. In that case expecting you to pay was rude.

SpinningFloppa · 19/09/2022 00:53

i often go to my sisters house for a takeaway but it’s usually agreed in advance and I always pay for my own but you could have said no, you didn’t have to agree to a takeaway I wouldn’t have expected anyone to pay for my take away If you didn’t want order you could have said no?

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 00:53

@SquareVertical ,

Your the first person that has asked this question and the answer is Yes.

Nothing like what happened in her home recently but she has asked me if I could pay for her share of a rickshaw ride in soho as the guy only takes cash about 5 months ago as she just had her card.It was only £10 but she never gave it back.😶

It was Adults only .

OP posts:
SpinningFloppa · 19/09/2022 00:55

I wouldn’t have paid half though so not sure why you agreed to that

LemonSwan · 19/09/2022 00:56

I think this is one of those nuance things.

They invited you over for dinner/evening. They suggest take away. You should offer to pay half but they should absolutely decline. It’s their house. They are in control of the kitchen and you have no options really to bail.

You mutually agree to have a dinner/ takeaway / evening before deciding the location. Should be 50:50 or roughly proportionate to per head.

Workinghardeveryday · 19/09/2022 01:00

Puppers · 18/09/2022 22:53

You expected your friend to pay for a takeaway for you and your child? There is a CF in the story and it isn’t your mate.

Oh come on, would you invite someone round around eating time, then suggest a tw and ask for money?? The host would pay!

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/09/2022 01:09

Debretts would tell us.

IMO if someone invites me for dinner, I'm bringing wine and a 'thing' (plant, flowers, chocolates etc.) and they cook dinner. If someone says "come over Saturday and watch the football/Eurovision/whatever shall WE get a takeaway?" I'm paying for some.

In this case the inviter was wrong, OP is right.

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 01:11

SpinningFloppa · 19/09/2022 00:55

I wouldn’t have paid half though so not sure why you agreed to that

Because I was taken by surprise and we were having a lovely time.

And I must be a idiot .

OP posts: