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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/09/2022 23:15

hattie43 · 18/09/2022 23:10

I think if she invited you to dinner ie she's cooking it's a cheek , if you sat down to egg and chips she wouldn't expect to pay , however if the invitation was come over we'll eat and then a takeaway is ordered yes you pay . I can't believe you and your daughter are £45 worth of food though Confused

Omg. Egg and chips 🥰

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 18/09/2022 23:15

How on earth did you get an orchard in the car on the bus?🤔

That's a pretty valuable gift so she should have paid for the takeaway.

Original poster
avamiah · 18/09/2022 23:16

To be honest I would of preferred to of just gone to the restaurant if I’m being honest then I would have no issue with paying half .
Also yes we were invited for dinner and I just thought she was going to put a few pizzas in the oven and garlic bread.

In fact I don’t know why she just didn’t order a big pizza and some sides.

OP posts:
tricky29 · 18/09/2022 23:18

Awkward! If I’ve ever invited people over for dinner and for whatever reason got a takeaway, I’ve paid...they were expecting dinner so I’ve provided it

Also been in situations where it’s been ‘fancy a takeaway, here or at your’s?’ and that seems perfectly reasonable to split 50/50...regardless of head count, it usually evens out in the long run.

So I suppose it depends on how you both understood the original invite. Did you think/she suggested she was providing food or was it ‘come and stay at mine and we can get a takeaway.’

Original poster
avamiah · 18/09/2022 23:19

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 18/09/2022 23:15

How on earth did you get an orchard in the car on the bus?🤔

That's a pretty valuable gift so she should have paid for the takeaway.

I picked one up from M&S and a bottle of Prosecco, they both came to £26.
I got the underground.

OP posts:
KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 18/09/2022 23:21

@avamiah 😂😂😂

Luredbyapomegranate · 18/09/2022 23:21

If you were invited for dinner then that Is off, and that’s without charging you over the odds.

teaginandlaughter · 18/09/2022 23:21

If I was to invite my friend over for dinner I would have either paid for takeaway or cooked/brought stuff for dinner! The fact you took gifts suggests you thought she was providing dinner. This is such poor hosting on her part!

DillDanding · 18/09/2022 23:22

I would’ve paid half, or if money is tight, 1/3.

I think as it was a takeaway, that is the polite thing to do. Unless she said ‘come for dinner’ which would be different.

ouch321 · 18/09/2022 23:23

So many people with poor manners on here.

If you host someone you don't ask them for a financial contribution.

If you want to order in food as you can't be bothered to cook or are too busy that's completely fine but so cheeky to expect your guest to pay toward it.

HebeSunshine · 18/09/2022 23:23

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 18/09/2022 23:15

How on earth did you get an orchard in the car on the bus?🤔

That's a pretty valuable gift so she should have paid for the takeaway.

😂 Very expensive, especially near London where space is at a premium 😊

LaaDeeDaaa · 18/09/2022 23:24

I'm also agog at the orchard. 🌳🌳🌳🌳

midlifecrash · 18/09/2022 23:24

I think it’s horrible to invite someone for dinner, implying you’re providing food, and then order takeaway, and then accept them paying for more than they actually ordered. Just shitty behaviour

Original poster
avamiah · 18/09/2022 23:24

@tricky29 ,
Her husband was away so she said come over let’s catch up and she would do dinner and we could have a few drinks and that it would be great for the kids to catch up.

OP posts:
whattodo2019 · 18/09/2022 23:25

If i had been invited to dinner i wouldn't expect to pay.
If it was a more casual,
come over and let's get a takeaway i probably would pay.
In this situation you shouldn't have been expected to pay half when she ordered considerably more food for her DC....
Some people are ....

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 18/09/2022 23:25

£92 is an outrageous amount for a takeaway for two adults and four children. Me and DH have DD and her fiance around sometimes for a Chinese takeaway for 4 adults, and it only costs about 35 quid. What the bloody hell did you have?

Anyway, yeah, I think as a previous poster said, you should have said, 'well, I can't really afford a takeaway at the moment' and left the onus on her to say, 'well, I'll pay then.' If she'd suggested it, she should have paid IMO.

This puts me in mind of a while back, when somebody I know asked me and DH to go for a meal at their house. To thank my DH for fixing their computer for free ... We accepted. The day before we were due to go there, SHE texted me and said, 'I know, let's go to this certain restaurant for a meal instead...' And we were like, oh, really? Because like we thought we were coming to your house?' She said 'nah let's go to this restaurant...'

So then we met at the restaurant the next day, went in, and me and DH had two courses each, (came to £43 for the two,) and they had four courses each that came to £82! On the whole, bloody thing came to 125 pound.. SHE said (when the waiter came with the bill) 'just split it 50-50.' So me and DH ended up having to pay 60 odd pound each when we were only spent £43 AND we had been asked to somebody else's house. We were so pissed off, to be honest with you, I started giving them a wide berth after that. 'Lost touch' when we moved house.

To be honest, to ask somebody for a meal, and then get a takeaway, or go for a meal out, and then expect that person that you've asked to pay half is just horrible.

Kite22 · 18/09/2022 23:27

I suspect people are answering 2 different questions in your poll

  1. AIBU to be shocked my friend asked me for money when we had a takeaway at her house
  2. AIBU to be expected to pay half of the bill for 6 people, when there were only 2 of us
They are 2 different / opposing answers from me.

Also, the slightly changing way you are saying the invitation was phrased, as the thread goes on.

If you have specifically accepted an invitation for dinner, it is different from "why don't you come over with the kids" or "Come round and we'll sort out something to eat" or if you were there for the afternoon and it sort of became evening and was a spur of the moment decision.

I also want to know how you got an orchard on the underground Grin

DutchessOfMuck · 18/09/2022 23:28

If we have people over and order takeaway then we pay. If we ask people out for dinner, lunch, coffee etc. Then we pay. Same if we get asked out or have a takeaway at friends house they pay.

OP I would have been shocked as well but maybe your friend is having money trouble. I would only have paid for the food I ordered though not given extra money she was extremely cheeky for that.

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 18/09/2022 23:29

ouch321 · 18/09/2022 23:23

So many people with poor manners on here.

If you host someone you don't ask them for a financial contribution.

If you want to order in food as you can't be bothered to cook or are too busy that's completely fine but so cheeky to expect your guest to pay toward it.

This 100%. Very poor etiquette and totally classless. When our DD and her fiance come to ours - or we invite anyone else - and we choose to get a takeaway, we ALWAYS pay. Why WOULDN'T we?

It would be like having someone over for dinner and preparing/cooking it, and then telling your guests they have to pay £25-30 towards it..... Just shocking behaviour.

Marvellousmadness · 18/09/2022 23:31

The fact you brought gifts has nothing to do with having to pay for your meal

You both ASSUMED
And This is where it went wrong

I wouldnt have accepted her paying for taking away for me and my kid
At the same time I wouldnt have said yes to paying 42 if she ordered twice as much food

Chattycathydoll · 18/09/2022 23:31

BobbysGirly · 18/09/2022 22:53

£92 for a takeaway for 2 adults and 4 kids! 😱

is that not standard where you are? It is here (sadly!!)

ClottedCreamAndStrawberries · 18/09/2022 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SilentHedges · 18/09/2022 23:31

If I invited someone round for dinner, and then if I couldn't be arsed to cook anything and I ordered a takeaway, I would pay for it. That's good manners. In the same way I wouldn't invite someone round for dinner and then ask them to pay for some of the ingredients.

At worst you should have paid for what you had for you and your child. Your friend is a CF, and if she invites people round regularly like this, it's cheap meals for her family and a money spinner. It would put me off the friendship.

Anon778833 · 18/09/2022 23:32

No, YANBU. You don’t invite someone for dinner and then tell them to pay half for it. She was the one who wanted a takeaway.

Lucyintheskywithrubies · 18/09/2022 23:33

Originally thought YABU but now I have changed my mind. YANBU. Also fact that you took gifts clearly shows you thought it was a dinner invite.