Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asked to pay half towards a takeaway in friends home.

432 replies

avamiah · 18/09/2022 22:48

I visited my friends home recently with my 12 year old and she has 3 kids herself and lives in a very nice large home( just for information).I took some gifts for them then early evening she said there was a great Chinese nearby and should we order a takeaway?
Great idea I ordered a few dishes for me and my daughter and she ordered 5 dishes for her and her 3 children.
She then said that’s £92 and just give her £45 .
I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

I would never do that to a guest in my home and I felt really uncomfortable afterwards.

Just wondered what you think as it’s been bugging me.
Thanks

OP posts:
Meili04 · 19/09/2022 07:52

Whenever I've gone to my best friend's house or her to me we have always split the bill or paid for our own dishes.

HairyMothballs · 19/09/2022 07:54

The total was £92??! Bloody hell, I would have preferred something at Wetherspoons, or even beans on toast. You should have expected to have paid for your own, at least, though.

NotOnTheSofa · 19/09/2022 07:57

If I was invited for dinner I'd expect the host to be cooking it and probably wouldn't have had any cash on me, certainly not £45. If i was specifically invited for a take away then I'd expect to pay and would probably do half just to make it easier. So YANBU to feel like you were put on the spot, she should have been clearer.

£45 still feels like a lot for what you had! Was it a particularly posh Chinese?

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 08:00

HairyMothballs · 19/09/2022 07:54

The total was £92??! Bloody hell, I would have preferred something at Wetherspoons, or even beans on toast. You should have expected to have paid for your own, at least, though.

Your post is embarrassing and you don’t have a clue what your talking about .
I’m the OP ( I posted many hours ago ) and I’m still here so Muppet’s like you don’t get a chance to talk rubbish and think they can post any old shit .

OP posts:
ChloeHel · 19/09/2022 08:01

She asked you if you should order takeaway, and you said yes. She didn’t say, I’ll treat us all to a takeaway. Therefore, yes, you should pay for what you ordered. But not halves.

giveovernate · 19/09/2022 08:02

HairyMothballs · 19/09/2022 07:54

The total was £92??! Bloody hell, I would have preferred something at Wetherspoons, or even beans on toast. You should have expected to have paid for your own, at least, though.

So you go to Wetherspoons or have your beans on toast? That's not what the post is about?

Cliopatra1 · 19/09/2022 08:02

MissMaple82 · 18/09/2022 23:57

So you exorcised her to pay for your takeaway??? I think you're the cheeky mare here! Me amd my friends always order takeaways together, we don't not pay just because its not in our own home!

Read the thread. She paid for half.

giveovernate · 19/09/2022 08:04

Blackcatsarethebest · 18/09/2022 23:01

What did you order? That sounds stupidly expensive. Myself and daughter had curry, fried rice, 2 chips, 2 curry sauce, prawn crackers. Was about £16. I wouldn’t be paying half unless I’d ordered that much. Not relevant, I wouldn’t have had £45 spare for it anyway

What's what you and your daughter eat got to do with the OP? Relating your menu is like saying you should order the same? So odd!

Original poster
avamiah · 19/09/2022 08:05

@giveovernate
Thank you

OP posts:
properdoughnut · 19/09/2022 08:07

NotOnTheSofa · 19/09/2022 07:57

If I was invited for dinner I'd expect the host to be cooking it and probably wouldn't have had any cash on me, certainly not £45. If i was specifically invited for a take away then I'd expect to pay and would probably do half just to make it easier. So YANBU to feel like you were put on the spot, she should have been clearer.

£45 still feels like a lot for what you had! Was it a particularly posh Chinese?

There are posh Chinese takeaways out there

MumCanIDoThat · 19/09/2022 08:09

Sprat12 · 18/09/2022 23:06

What kind of takeaway charges £92 for that amount of food?! That's mental

What's 'mental' is assuming all takeaway is cheap, greasy and from your local corner shop. I ordered Chinese food from last week, from a proper restaurant and it came to 50 for just dh, ds 6yo and I. So I can easily see how is came to 92 for 6 people.

CarrieMoonbeams · 19/09/2022 08:10

Aww OP, I feel sorry for you, I'd have felt so awkward in the same situation too, and would have also meekly handed over £45 ☹️.

I'd feel uncomfortable about it for days too, and I suppose the only way I could get past it quickly would be to say to myself that it was a lesson learned. "Fool me once ..." etc etc.

You just need to be very much on your guard with her from now on, and keep this to the front of your mind in any social interaction with her, sadly.

MumCanIDoThat · 19/09/2022 08:12

Yanbu op. I would never invite someone over and expect them to pay. If she did want to order she could have asked for suggestions . It sounds like she specifically wanted the Chinese and got you to pay for it. I would really have a think about having a friend like that.

luxxlisbon · 19/09/2022 08:13

I was speechless as we were guests in her home and she invited us for dinner and I was scrambling through my purse as I had my cards on me and only just had enough cash to give her.

Why does her having a big house or her inviting you over mean she should pay for your takeaway though?
This is really weird to me that you are so shocked about this. It’s completely normal to pay your own way.

lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2022 08:13

Half the issue is this Chinese became a sharing type meal with lots of dishes. Op says the CF bought the expensive duck and pancakes to share but then didn’t. As Op says, different from buying a pizza each which is easier to price what you ordered.

I think if I was was invited for dinner and then asked if I wanted a Chinese, my immediate reaction would be to contribute so I’d say “ let me give you something” or “Sorry I thought you were cooking I’ve brought no money” as I still see Chinese as an expensive treat.

Honestly I’d have called her by now to say something. Something like “ Look Friday I thought you were cooking and I’m a bit upset that at paying half for a Chinese that should have cost me £25. I don’t want to fall out but just letting you know”.

I did exactly this with a CF friend who would order what she liked ( cocktails, food) and expect to split it when I was the driver on a soda and lime and a diet. She seemed genuinely surprised because “splitting stuff it just what people always do”. She stopped after that and even made sure she paid more to not look tight.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 19/09/2022 08:15

Why didn't you just say you'll pay for what you ordered?
Also don't agree to ordering takeaway if you don't expect to pay for it. Your friend was cheeky asking for half but I don't understand why you assumed she was paying for all of it. It's perfectly normal to split costs unless someone has specifically said they'll pay.

ZenNudist · 19/09/2022 08:15

I would have paid if I were her but I would have offered to pay if I were you. Id have insisted because I'd be embarrassed to have someone else pay for my takeaway. In her shoes I'd be embarrassed to have guests pay.

The time to say you hadn't got enough money was when she ordered.

CallMeLinda · 19/09/2022 08:16

I wouldn't expect her to pay for me, but I wouldn't expect to go half if you and your daughter didn't add up to what her and her three children had.

It was an unfair split.

FitAt50 · 19/09/2022 08:17

Puppers · 18/09/2022 22:53

You expected your friend to pay for a takeaway for you and your child? There is a CF in the story and it isn’t your mate.

READ THE POST. Her friend INVITED HER FOR DINNER. You wouldn't invite someone for a meal at your house and then expect them to pay for the ingredients, wine, cake etc. Your friend should have paid for the whole takeaway, especially since you also brought her a gift for having you. People saying otherwise have no class.

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2022 08:18

lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2022 08:13

Half the issue is this Chinese became a sharing type meal with lots of dishes. Op says the CF bought the expensive duck and pancakes to share but then didn’t. As Op says, different from buying a pizza each which is easier to price what you ordered.

I think if I was was invited for dinner and then asked if I wanted a Chinese, my immediate reaction would be to contribute so I’d say “ let me give you something” or “Sorry I thought you were cooking I’ve brought no money” as I still see Chinese as an expensive treat.

Honestly I’d have called her by now to say something. Something like “ Look Friday I thought you were cooking and I’m a bit upset that at paying half for a Chinese that should have cost me £25. I don’t want to fall out but just letting you know”.

I did exactly this with a CF friend who would order what she liked ( cocktails, food) and expect to split it when I was the driver on a soda and lime and a diet. She seemed genuinely surprised because “splitting stuff it just what people always do”. She stopped after that and even made sure she paid more to not look tight.

Do not call her and say the above.
Just let it be a lesson learnt.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 19/09/2022 08:18

had this exact situation last week ie invited friend to dinner. we got takeaway. she did not pay a penny towards it. it was my treat ie we invited her for dinner. your 'friend' is a CF of the highest order

lightisnotwhite · 19/09/2022 08:20

Although I hope my last post was helpful I notice the Op is getting very arsey and rude. Usually I sign that the OP just posted for a scrap not for opinion. Not great that they don’t know what an orchard is either.

MinnieGirl · 19/09/2022 08:21

Poppyseed14 · 18/09/2022 22:55

This 😳😳

Show quote history

That has to be a mistake..
£45 is bad enough

Need2P · 19/09/2022 08:22

You should have paid for what you've ordered. I wouldn't expect someone else to pay for a takeaway.

Ponoka7 · 19/09/2022 08:22

Now you've worked out what she is about, make sure that you aren't put in the same position. If invited again, take nothing. Strictly speaking she has a debt of around £50. Agree any transactions beforehand and speak up. Don't let on that you have cash when out with her etc.