Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

Yep

I can smell the hypocrisy 😂

In answer to your question @GoGoNads, yes it would irk me. In the same way it irks me when people suggest that I need someone else to help me with something I am doing, or need to do, or need to pay for.

I would bite my tongue however, especially if my husband had asked me to.

Bloody hell... some first world problems right here 🤦🏻‍♀️

You’re in the right but have absolutely nothing to gain by saying anything (you could even nudge him into leaving some or all of the house and his share of the money to someone other than DH as he might think they would be more grateful or praise him more). You should keep quiet on this one and just move the subject along if it ever comes up again.

This is a UK-based site, so of course most people’s issues will be first-world ones.

How MIL and FIL arranged their finances are absolutely none of your business.

"he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him"
Sounds like you and FIL have more in common than enjoying MIL's wealth.

Thank you for the glaringly obvious insight JenJones5 🙄 Do you need the concept of first world problems explaining to you?

@GoGoNads As was my inheritance
How was it your inheritance? I thought it was your DHs inheritance. I may be having a senile moment but I don't understand at all.

No, but I think that some people posting here need to give their head a wobble if they don’t understand yet the sort of issues that people like to discuss here.

It’s utterly tiresome when yet another person who has a chip on their shoulder decides to point out how not everyone here lives on minimum wage.

I don't live on minimum wage, I don't have any financial worries... very presumptuous of you! I am very lucky and in a very privileged position.

I do, however, have a chip on my shoulder when it comes to posts such as these. People are quite literally unable to buy food, fill their cars with fuel and heat their homes, and yet OP is worried about FIL trying to stake a claim in providing DH's inheritance. Do you not see the absolute ridiculous nature of that? 😂

No, not at all. I do see how ridiculous it is when people make virtue-signaling posts such as yours.

I feel quite sorry for people trying to police posts like this.

When my mum died everything went to my Dad and I got nothing. Your DH is lucky to get money early and not have to wait until after his dad dies. Keep your nasty comments in your head and don't say a word to him.

It sounds like they decided to help your family early. Had a discussion

You are very lucky.

Virtue signalling? 😂 Perhaps it's actually just not being completely blind to the reality of a huge proportion of society.

You are confused. Not caring about them doesn’t mean I don’t know about them.

Like, he wants you guys to thank him but in reality he's done nothing, it sounds like it's your MIL that helped you. Also, undermining yours and DH's financial efforts to get to where you are.
I do see where you're coming from. I wouldn't fall out with FIL about it just say "yes, what MIL done contributed towards xyz"

I'm kind of glad that I had nothing to inherit. DF died aged 45 and mum then had to find a job and look after my 5 year old brother. Luckily she was offered a job as bursar in his junior school but left only enough money for her funeral when she died. We lived in a privately built but council owned home.
After reading many stories of inheritance disagreements, I'm pleased that the money I have was earned by me and I owe nothing to anyone, no favours, no explanations, no feeling of being beholden.

If I understood your posts correctly OP, both you and your DH are in well paid jobs and you both received a monetary inheritance, yet you take exception to the wording of your FiL's comment.
Get a life and thank your lucky stars you're not on the bread line.

This is one of those instances where it’s more helpful to be kind than right.

He’s your husband’s dad, he’s lost his wife after a terrible illness- it probably gives him a bit of comfort to feel that his son is comfortably set up and secure. FIL would no doubt view himself and his late wife as a unit, irrespective of finances. He might well feel at sea about navigating family relationships alone , and may be seeking a bit of reassurance about his place in his son’s life.

Rather than setting out to correct him, a diplomatic response might be to say that you’re very grateful that the money from MIL and your own relatives has helped you so much, but it doesn’t compensate for losing your loved ones. I’m sure he’d appreciate a comment about valuing his company, and how he is still an important part of your family.

What does DH think about it all, besides giving you the look?

I'm sure others will have said it too, but for the rest of your life are you going to expect DH to treat your house as predominantly his?

Either way you'd be incredibly rude and unkind to say what you propose in OP.

So why was MIL's inheritance not family money?

Why when you've benefited so enormously would you be so vile about it?

I’d imagine he’s biting his tongue trying not to ask why exactly his dear wife feels entitled to his inheritance or thinking she has the right to argue with someone else about it.

You are not being unreasonable, but I wouldn’t make an issue of it. If he is telling other people something that isn’t true, it probably won’t ever hurt you anyway.

I would advise you just to say nothing. At least for the time being. Maybe there is something you have yet to find out that will put a different light on the situation. If you just ignore it, then you won’t have to apologize later for anything. If your FIL is in the wrong, sooner or later it will come out, and you will look better for not having said anything, and putting up with it quietly.