Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

Who exactly benefits from your pointing this fact out?

NRTFT

@3WildOnes If you inherit the money it is yours, it is not considered part of the marital asserts. However, if you deposit it into the marital account, or use it to buy the marital home it is then included in the marital assets.

I do find it unusual that no one seemed to know what was in the will, mainly the husband. Surely a married couple know what’s in their will?

I’m lost… why does this bother you? Complete non issue, it’s like you want to rub it on your FILs face that you got 80% and he only got 20%. He probably spoke to his WIFE about it and agreed it.

I think you should keep counsel and not pass any comment. Otherwise it's clearly has potential to degenerate into an argument or family fall out. My own MIL would love to know details of my inheritance and she's had several guesses (along the same lines as your FIL's comments) but I never reply. If she gets to much I look her in the eye and make a comment about something entirely different "Lovely scones MIL, is the jam homemade too?" or something.

I think you are being rather sensitive. They were married for decades and loved each other. He benefitted from her financial situation but so what. Now he is bereaved and you speak about him with such contempt. They were married so it was joint money, legally and contractually. For all you know, they discussed how much to leave to your dh. I'm sure he feels happy that the inheritance has made a difference to your lives. It seems churlish to point out that it was mils money not his, how rude and offensive. When I didn't work for a few years, xh's wages bought everything but he didn't write 'from dad' on the gift tags of dc's Xmas presents.

This.

I don’t think there’s any point in you holding this grudge… there’s some irony in that you feel he took advantage of ‘her’ money but you are doing that with your DH. You’re in no different a situation than him.. let this go and be civil. Enjoy the luck you have had xox

You could say "yes MILs money really has helped out dh, aren't we lucky they were so generous to share with us"

Don't say anything. It's just what it is.

Why would you say this exactly?

How fucking rude to say anything except be really kind and gracious to your FIL.

You’re a hypocrite.

First World problem.

This

Well said.

So from your moral standpoint you won’t be benefiting from your husbands inheritance at all will you OP.

@adriftabroad i wouldn't really. Of course it is.
But I'm saying he clearly saw MIL money as theirs as does OP with her DH.
Same as what most people are saying. So I honestly wouldn't say anything except thank you!

I could understand it if your FIl did not work, but he clearly did

@Cm078 , sorry! completely got the wrong end of the stick 🤐

How is what he did any different to what you’re doing?

His spouse inherited and he benefited from that in such a way that he has less outgoings to worry about and more disposable income.

Your spouse inherited ans you benefit in such a way that he has less outgoings to worry about and more disposable income.

Unless you’ve written into your title deeds that £XX belongs to him and is not joint, that’s assuming your finances are totally separate of course? Because otherwise I don’t see how it’s ok for you to live off your DHs inheritance and not him.

And when if comes to helping your kids out I’m sure you’ll be clarifying that much of if came from MIL and you had nothing to do with it?

This^ so basically MIL money was only hers and FIL doesn’t really deserve it and it’s all seen as seperate, but your DHs inheritance is in your words “family money” and you shouldn’t be grateful but are benefiting from it?

sounds like he just wants to feel his loved wife of 40 years gesture is appreciated and was beneficial. Jeez

No, it wouldn't annoy me. I think the only way it would, would be if I was looking for something to be annoyed about.

It’s a form of sexism to say a man should n’t benefit from his wife’s estate but the daughter in law should.

Completely bizarre behaviour OP... if your MIL was the economically less well off and your FiL was the moneyed one .. would you think the money was 'his' ?? No of course not. !! They were married and had a son. Left the money to him. Which has MASSIVELY benefitted YOU.

SAY THANK YOU !! Yes you have helped us a lot

If it was me, I would have just thanked my FIL. They were married for years and you should be grateful. Even if they had separate bank accounts, they helped your DH which meant they ultimately helped you.

OP you are coming across as pedantic. How is you pointing this out to FIL going to help your relationship with him (or your husband)?

You have no idea if MIL & FIL talked about her money - even if it was very generally e.g. 'My DH, when I die, in my inheritance I am thinking of leaving the house and £200k to you and the rest of my finances to our DS' - this could have easily happened.