Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

Just say thank you and let it lie.

And OP @GoGoNads goes quiet and disappears! 🤔

Hopefully to have a long hard think about how she is any different a position to FIL - and yet FIL is 100% more gracious.

Grade A hypocrite OP - yes you, not FIL

Pot kettle black...?
You sound ungrateful and entitled OP.
It's not your family OP. Keep out of their business.

Sorry don't understand why you're annoyed about this. DH got some inheritance. I think it's common for married couples to leave everything to each other, younger generation don't usually inherit until both parents are dead in my experience. So your FIL is right, you have benefited from getting this inheritance now rather in years when mortgage may be paid off.
He must have assumed you've used some money on the house, correctly, I think that is what he meant.
It sounds like you don't like him , and pretty much anything he says annoys you. Is he your husband's father? You discuss him as if he is an outsider of some kind.

Exactly

I mean, MIL never earned a penny of that money either. It's not like she worked hard to provide your DH with that inheritance. I don't get why you have such a problem with FIL seeing it as family money. Especially when you see it as your family's money now.

I suspect OP resents FIL getting any inheritance at all from his DW - when OPs DH could have copped the lot.

If you have DCs, and you give up work to be a SAHM, leaving your DH as breadwinner, what would you think if one day your grown up DCs remark that as their father had earned all the family money and you contributed not as much financially to the family, that you were somehow a parasite sponging off your DH? Because that’s the picture you’re painting of your FIL here.

It seems like you do not like you FIL much… didn’t have to pay a mortgage, mid paying job, spent money on himself, vacationed without his wife… from the outside looking in, you have a lot of judgment about their marriage. It feels like you think he was taking advantage of you MIL and think very little of him. So you just pounce any time he opens his mouth.

Perhaps your MIL confided in you so your judgment is justified, but if not butt out, you have no idea what went on between them.

Maybe try getting to know him, see what your MIL saw, you may be surprised? Thx

This!!

Just be grateful! You have been given so much.

Grabby Gwen is in the house........................

🤣🤣🤣. First time I've heard that phrase, and so apt! 👏👏👏

This does even makes sense. Op looks down on his mid pay job and there’s an implication that he didn’t work hard enough. But had shit loads of disposable income to invest, go on many holidays, new cars, the best of everything. And all this came from his own money. The only way he benefited from was having no mortgage or paying childcare. Why would he pay child care when the mother of the child didn’t work.

He obviously did earn a good bit of money. And wether money was treated separately it was legally joint money.

Op is benefitting from her dh having a shit load of money while resenting her father in law for benefitting from his wife’s inherited money. Although if op ever does come back there will be a drip feed of what an awful husband he was. Which, if he was is a separate issue that doesn’t change anything.

But then why would someone come to anonymous forum to convince people they have had huge financial luck in their lives while resenting someone else who had the same luck in their life. Why try and convince people who don’t know you, what a dick you are. That would mean Op has a very sad life, if that’s how they got their kicks.

Just doesn’t make sense.

Sincerely hope that FIL has figured your attitude out and has rewritten his own will to leave the house and remaining money to the local dogs home.

It would probably annoy me, but certainly not enough to say anything. Just let him prattle on, as we old men are prone to, and laugh about it later with DH. Certainly don't confront him and risk creating bad feeling where none exists now. Sometimes, compromise is the best policy. You're doing alright, so be happy with what you've got - you'l be far happier that way, I can assure you.

Keep your beak out. You got some Dosh. He got more. MYOB.

Two issues here, I think. Firstly, there is no entitlement to an inheritance, though often the expectation of one. If that doesn't happen, it can be a disappointment, so it is probably best, in general, to operate within one's current resources, and if anything else turns up, happy days.

Secondly, you don't have to have anything to do with FIL unless, as a couple, you want to. So if this really bothers you, maybe the conversation should be with your husband, saying that unless he has a quite word in FIL's ear, you will no longer entertain him in the house (at extremes) or seek to limit/reduce the level of contact.

However... Think carefully. FIL has the right to leave what is legitimately his wherever he wishes, and logic says that his son would be the most obvious place. Unless you have a falling-out, in which case you might be even more hacked off.

YABU
They were married

Just say thank you.

So to sum it up. Your mother in law inherited money and they spent it well and looked after it. Your husband then inherited some and that money has now become yours. But you begrudge your father in law having had “an easy ride”… OP you are ridiculous. Be appreciative not angry about nonsense!!

Chill. There are children dying of starvation in the World. You haven't got anything to complain about.

I’m getting confused here. If you hadn’t married DH you wouldn’t have inherited this money. They aren’t YOUR parents so only your inheritance through marriage. Sounds like the problem is that you don’t like FIL. Whether justified or not your DH obviously wants you to keep quiet so you need to behave yourself. What’s your problem you’ve got the money. If it’s a sense of injustice towards your MIL then same applies.

I don't understand' is FIL DH's father or stepfather? Who is he likely to give the house and all the rest to when the time comes?

I agrée with those saying that this is a case of double-standards. Why should your husband’s inheritance belong to both of you when you view your MIL’s as not belonging equally to your FIL?