Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

You around so ungrateful OP. Your FiL has lost his partner of 40 years and you want to split hairs? Where's your empathy!
He might not have known IF she'd made a will, but doesn't mean he didnt advise her to make one.
Be grateful he wasn't a domineering man who bullied/coaxed her into leaving everything to him.
Seems you think it's one rule for them and a different one where your dh's money is concerned.
He obviously made your MiL happy otherwise she wouldn't have left him anything.
Learn to be grateful and be rid of the spite in your heart. The poor man lost his wife!

Their money may well have been kept separate, but if they had divorced, he would have been entitled to half of everything.

Inheritance is never your money. You are owed nothing.

Absolutely mortified for you. 40 fucking years stands for nothing in your eyes.

How is it any more your money than it is his?

who cares anyway?

just enjoy the benefits of the money gifted and drop being bothered by the rest of it.

I don’t understand why you are viewing the money she inherited as NOT marital money, but the money your DH has now inherited is somehow your marital money.

surely you are in the same position FIL found himself in all those years ago!

so it’s a bit rich you making digs at him?

It sounds like you don't like your FIL much and you want an opportunity to put him in his place.
So what if he earned less than his wife or inherited less, that was between them. She sounds like she was lucky to sone extent, in terms of she was related to and thats wasn't in his or her control. Your mil married him and stayed married to him and their relationship and the decisions were between them. You seem to be projecting your own meaning and judgements of your fil worthiness on them.

He doesn’t sound greedy and like he’s been tracking every penny and its history. I think you should be grateful for this vagueness and lack of obsession. We had the same scenario in my family where my very wealth widowed relative met a man and married him and he moved heaven and earth to manoeuvre the finances away my relative’s children. He knew where every penny was. When my relative died he got most of the estate and his daughter ended up with all the personal items that should have been my relative’s daughters. You FIL sounds fine to me and 40 years of marriage means shared money (as you said yourself OP). You sound a bit like my late relative’s spouse - he was always very keen on what others where doing with their money.

These are you DH parents?! You seem to have disassociated your DH from his own father

this is a very odd post

Exactly! They were together 40 years, not 40 minutes.

OP - sorry but you’re being very weird about this.

What are you on about? This is nothing to do with the OPs situation...

People are not criticising because she's a woman FFS, it's because she didn't inherit - her husband did. And she gets to benefit from that inheritance, which is fine - only she is complaining about that exact thing in her FIL.

Incidentally, there seem to be many DILs out there with one greedy eye on their PILs money. So many threads where the wife is wading in where it's not her business, speculating on future inheritance, and usually the husbands parents are still alive and healthy!

No, it wouldn't "annoy" me - but then I hope I am not as unpleasant and money obssessed as you sound OP. What the hell does it matter how much FIL earned, how much MIL had before her marriage - they were married for 40 years, that makes everything they had their money in my eyes. She could easily have left everything to her husband - I bet that would have "annoyed" you!!!!!

Let's face it. In a few years you'll get the lot. Or your DH will at least. Though if I was him I'd be rethinking the relationship.

Erm, what?! My husband had a small gift to help with our first home. We were so grateful, but since then I have been a much higher earner and contributed more to our JOINT finances.
Your FIL was actually entitled to every penny of his wife’s money. It’s not clear if your FIL is your DHs biological father but even so your logic is cherry picked for your benefit and seriously flawed.

Well their money did help you. You’ve admitted in your posts that the money your DH was left helped you secure a better rate for your mortgage.

When you said “I’m so glad we could help” you could’ve graciously thanked him. I really don’t see why you dislike him so much.

If your FIL hadn’t have worked in his plain easy job all those years then your MIL absolutely would’ve had to either get a job herself or start spending her inheritance to live on whilst they raised your DH. So really the money she has passed to your DH is just a regurgitation of money, not the original inheritance. So it IS HIS MONEY.

if the roles were reversed and the man passed his funds to his son skipping out his wife after her working hard raising her family in 40 years of marriage what would you have said?

you sound grabby OP and you don’t want to admit that this man absolutely contributed to a very loving marriage for 40 years

if he mentions it again I’d strongly advise you keep your trap shut , smile politely and confirm how grateful you are to them both.

What an awful way to treat someone who no doubt brought your MIL a lot of happiness. He's old and when he dies he'll probably leave everything to your DH. I don't know why you are concerned.

Money seems to bring out the worst in people.

Say something.
What’s the worse that could happen?
Dh realises what you are really like and takes his inheritance with him during the divorce 😂

Married for 40 years, DH’s mum and dad, but somehow you think you have the right to criticise FIL. Lol

That would be petty, @GoGoNads and you’ve just said that your DH’s inheritance is family money, as was yours, so major paradox going on there. Clearly fil viewed the inherited money as family money too.

This hasnt gone well

Just laugh gently say, oh no both my and DH;s inheritance doesn't even tough the amount of Mortgage we had to take out on this house, and then there was the deposit we had saved before MIL died.
But one day we will own it due to our hard work and so really it is a great investment.

It's sickmaking isn't it. And the smirky one dropped in for good measure about the stunning fixed rate deal on the mortgage. Big.Deal

Try to keep FIL on side... Involve him in your family - it would be grim if he started considering bequeathing your MIL's assets to someone else...

How would the OP receive anything if her FIL is still alive and living in the house? He could go on for many more years..
What would FIL be expected to do to give the OP her ‘inheritance’?
Other than that, surely it’s her husbands business and not hers? Her MIL was married to him for 40 years. Not 40 days. He’s hardly a
newcomer to the family is he.
Id leave it, it’s really not your concern.