Would this annoy you? An inheritance one.

[GoGoNads]

MIL was massively financially independent before she met FIL. She owned her house through inheritance and never needed to work, again because of this inheritance. When she met FIL 40 years ago, he moved in with her and so they never had a mortgage. They were married but always kept finances totally separate. She had a number of investments.

FIL worked full time in a mid-paid job but did a lot of leisure traveling (usually without MIL), always had a new car every two years, the best of everything, loads of gadgets etc. so benefitted from having a lot of disposable income thanks to MIL’s inheritance meaning they never had to pay for a mortgage, or for childcare. He used a lot of this disposal income to top-up his pension and take out investments of his own over the years and so has been able to retire early and very comfortably. He was quite a bit younger than MIL.

Sadly, MIL died a while ago after suffering from cancer for years. DH was their only child.

In her will, she left the house and about 20% of her money to FIL, and all of the rest to DH.

DH and I both work full time in very well paid jobs. We’ve always been good savers, had investments etc. We’ve been together for 18 years and share finances.

We recently bought a new house. We started looking for it long before MIL died but the market where we are is crazy and it took ages (and two attempted purchases that subsequently fell through) to secure our house. We have a mortgage on it (got a really great fixed five year interest rate before they started creeping up) but had a significant deposit saved. DH added some of his inheritance to this also to benefit from a lower LTV. DH never discussed this with FIL so FIL doesn’t know what we’ve done with the money, if anything.

FIL visited today. We were having tea and he was saying how much he likes the house and what we’ve done with it, then added “I’m so delighted we were able to contribute so much towards it”.

I asked what he meant, and he referenced the amount MIL had left DH.

I was about to point out that that was MIL’s money given to her much-loved son, and not a gift from him, but DH gave me the look.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?”

As with everything, there’s a backstory. FIL is a nice enough man but he’s one of those people who thinks that the world revolves around him and so I’m sure he’s been telling family and neighbours about “helping” us out. He’s quite overbearing and DH tends to just let him prattle away, unchallenged.

Someone in your husband’s family obviously made a decent amount of money if your MIL was able to live a nice life without a mortgage and you were able to buy a great house with a small mortgage. This is the equivalent of winning the lottery. Your comment to your FIL sounds grabby (and frankly, tone deaf). None of you earned the money!

does it matter? Seriously. Your DH obviously wasn't annoyed at the comment so why would you be? If it makes him happy to think he contributed then why would you want to make him feel otherwise. Somethings aren't worth falling out over, especially a throw away comment about money.

Don't let it bother you. As others have pointed out, without a will, it would all have gone to him. And it sounds as if the real source of the inheritance is actually further back in the family, in any case.

If FIL brings it up again, would it be unreasonable of me to do a “whatever do you mean, FIL? Do you mean the money MIL inherited and then passed to DH?

It would be both rude & un necessary. Don't go there.

It's none of your business for starts and your DH was entitled to zero in any case.

I'm sure FIL won't be leaving your DH, if you continue with your attitude towards him.

Strictly speaking its not your money either, so you should be grateful for it rather than quibbling him about who left it.

You've certainly done very well out of it

It's neither your inheritance or your money, therefore it's absolutely nothing to do with you.
You've done ok out of it via your DH so stop whining.

Couldn’t get worked up about that. What a non issue. You’ve got the big fancy house, enjoy it.

You sound unbelievably unpleasant and very entitled. And the fact that your DH stopped you from going any further suggests that he is not in agreement with you about HIS inheritance. Wind your neck in.

It's most common for the surviving spouse to inherit everything, with the children only inheriting once both parents have died.
You should be grateful for what you have, never mind trying to correct a poor man who will still be coming to terms with the death of his partner of 40 years.
My DH and I share everything so anything he inherits from his family or I from mine is considered joint money. But when it comes to any politics involving DH's family, that is for him to deal with and vice versa.
Please leave the man be.

I dont really understand. My husband was gifted a large chunk of money that enabled us to buy our house. I still think of it as our house.

No.

It’s none of your business to goad your FIL and meddle in his and your DH’s relationship.

Catch yourself on.

Focus on being grateful for the cash. There is a cost of living crisis, if you’ve had two lots of inheritance you are very much one of the lucky ones, and through no merit of your own.

What a strange reaction and something to get irked about :/
They were married. If it was the other way round you know 100% everyone would agree its family money

I think your issue is a bit more deep routed than this simple comment

You sound childish and judgemental and yes, you would sound like an arsehole if you said that to your FIL

He’s right though isn’t he. Ordinarily, everything would be left to him and your DH wouldn’t inherit until your FIL died. But clearly, as a married couple of 40 years, they decided that some of their money would be best spent helping your family a bit sooner. And that gives him a lot of pleasure, seeing his son and family set up comfortably. I’m not sure why you’re so resentful of him.

Yes it would be really awful of you to do this. He's lost his wife FFS. Just chill.

It is not uncommon for a spouse to inherit everything and children get their inheritance when this spouse passes. Also are you sure the money did not come a gift from f’n’law technically? Because if in England and an inheritance from m’n’law your hubby would have paid inheritance tax - but as a gift from f’n’law he would not have unless f’n’law dies within 7 years.

Enjoy your life?

Sounds like my sister quibbling over the last penny of her partner’s family money whilst the rest of us are on the bones of our arsed. Just get on with it.

Why don't you like your FIL. Is this the only issue or is there a huge backstory.

If your MIL’s husband hadn’t earned his own money instead of relying on his wife’s, then she’d have had less to leave their son. So yeah - some of it is “from” him. Seems really snarky to make a point of it being from MIL when she didn’t earn it either. I bet your husband wishes you’d keep your beak out.

Aww, diddums.

@GoGoNads Is he your Husband’s father?

Eh? They were a married couple of 40 years? I thought you were going to say that FIL married again or something and your dh got nothing.

I really do not get your point at all.

Wow. You have such a hypocritical unpleasant attitude.

You think that somehow, you personally, who married into the family by choosing your DH, are more entitled to the money than the partner of 40 years who married the person who originally had the money?

I'd focus more on appreciating what you have got and not trying to get little 'wins' over a widower. Grim.

Why is it that you are allowed to benefit from inheritance, but you seem to sneer at your FIL for the same? Your PILs marriage set up is none of your business.

You obviously don't like the man, but he has lost he wife of 40 years, give him a break.