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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be grumpy that my friend got the job?

753 replies

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 08:46

After struggling at my current job for about three years (think toxic ‘we’re a family’, lots of pressure to go above and beyond your contractual employed hours for no reward but everyone does it so it’s expected.. low paid etc).

I finally decided enough was enough and I was super lucky to get an interview at another company that is a small start up, ethical and which had less hours. It would have been a 10k pay rise which meant a significant change to my circumstances. I was really excited and keeping all my toes crossed.
I told my best friend who I share pretty much everything with… and then she also applied too.

She ended up interviewing before me. Her interview ran 15 minutes over and though mine was an hour slot too, they wrapped things up at 45 mins to see the next candidate. Though my feedback was really positive and they will offer me a role, it just won’t be until possibly next year.

Instead my friend was successful. They just said right now she was a better fit, was more qualified. Which doesn’t make sense because I know that she isn’t. Her job is effectively collecting payments and receipts. while it is linked to my role, it isn’t the same as
her job and they will need to spent time training her. My current job and the new job would have been near identical roles. Meaning I could have hit the ground running.

Everyone was singing her praises because it seemed like much of what she said was all about how great I (as in me..) am at the job, and how much I (as in me) needed the job…

I feel really envious and almost like I’ve had the rug swept out from underneath of me and a really good opportunity taken from me. Though I know next year a job may be available, I don’t know if I would now accept it as effectively my friend would be senior to me and managing me.

Am I being unreasonable to be upset?
How do I handle the friendship from here as I feel so green faced. Is this even the real friendship that I thought it was?

OP posts:
Cstring · 17/09/2022 08:50

She’s no friend of yours if she’s done this to you.
I’d be livid, not upset.
I’d send her a very curt message saying congratulations but it was a shitty thing to do to you as a ‘friend’ then back right off.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 17/09/2022 08:50

You can't make a judgement about who would be best. They obviously think she is, for whatever reason. It's a bit unfortunate but it wasn't "your job" that she took. It was a job that she won. Whether you can get over it or not is a really personal thing but she's done nothing wrong.

CoatyWonder · 17/09/2022 08:51

I dont think a friend would do this.

Royalbloo · 17/09/2022 08:52

It doesn't sound like she did anything wrong. I'd be happy for her and apply for something else somewhere else.

Say congrats and move on if you can.

Idontevenknow · 17/09/2022 08:52

While technically she can apply for any job she wants I'd struggle to get over this. I would probably distance myself, forget about that company and start looking for other roles.

Fivehares · 17/09/2022 08:52

Chalk it up to experience and don’t tell her when you are applying for your next job .

Wish her well in her new job. Does she currently work with you ?

Brefugee · 17/09/2022 08:53

Frankly? The job was open to anyone so she applied because why not?

In reality? In your shoes i'd be devastated. And would step right back. And not want to accept a job at that company in future if she were still there. I wouldn't make a song and dance, just become unavailable and let it die a death.

Good luck in your search for something else.

SirChenjins · 17/09/2022 08:55

I think I’d struggle to remain friends to be honest - there would certainly be a cooling off. I know technically there’s nothing to stop her going for the job, but there’s just something not right about it - a bit like really fancying a boy as a teen and going best friend going after him and snogging him! There’s some things you just don’t do.
Im really sorry you didn’t get the job - it’s hard enough when you’re unsuccessful, let alone losing it to your friend.

GhostFromTheOtherSide · 17/09/2022 08:55

She didn’t do anything wrong. You were looking for another job, she was looking for another job. Nobody has more right to a job which is out there in the public domain than someone else.

And obviously she was a better candidate for the job. And even if she hadn’t gone for it, there’s no guarantee that you would have got it.

napody · 17/09/2022 08:56

CoatyWonder · 17/09/2022 08:51

I dont think a friend would do this.

Of course they wouldn't. Can't believe people saying it's OK. Obviously your 'friendship' is over.

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 08:57

I know it wasn’t ‘my’ job - but she wouldn’t have known about the opportunity had I not told her. We didn’t work together, and she doesn’t do this type of job so I didn’t think this would ever happen , it didn’t even cross my mind that my friend would apply too.

OP posts:
Tierne · 17/09/2022 08:57

@GhostFromTheOtherSide
Nobody has more right to a job which is out there in the public domain than someone else

That's a very simplistic world view really isnt it? Do you have many friends?

BeardyButton · 17/09/2022 08:57

No way I’d remain friends with this person

nancydroo · 17/09/2022 08:58

Cstring · 17/09/2022 08:50

She’s no friend of yours if she’s done this to you.
I’d be livid, not upset.
I’d send her a very curt message saying congratulations but it was a shitty thing to do to you as a ‘friend’ then back right off.

Agree. She's selfish.

Pengwinn · 17/09/2022 08:58

I'd be annoyed too, no matter if its rational or not.

ThisIsNotAFlyingToy · 17/09/2022 08:59

I'd feel a bit sick about it. You'll have to do the "I'm so pleased for you bit" though. But I'd be a bit wary of a real friend doing this.

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 08:59

Obviously if I was unsuccessful to another candidate I wouldn’t be feeling this in the same sort of way.

OP posts:
WhoWants2Know · 17/09/2022 08:59

No way. I've had friends apply for jobs that I would have loved, that are directly within my experience and skill set. But I would never think of applying for a post that I knew they wanted.

I'd offer to help with an application and interview prep to make sure they got the role. That's what friends do.

SimonaRazowska · 17/09/2022 09:00

Applying for the same job ?

a friend would not do that

dudsville · 17/09/2022 09:01

I work in a very small industry and we're mostly quite close if not friends, so we're frequently competing against one another for jobs, but in the situation you describe i would also feel hard done by.

Champagnesupamother · 17/09/2022 09:02

So here is my next kicker. We’re actually going away next weekend… I don’t want to cancel as it was my thing that I have invited her too. But I feel like I’m going to have to be super careful over anything I say… and that I’m going to have to feign that I’m happy for her. When I’m just so envious.

OP posts:
Boomboom22 · 17/09/2022 09:03

She is not your friend. Did she talk about how much you needed it in her interview? She sounds nasty.

OnTheBrinkOfChange · 17/09/2022 09:03

How many other people will be there next weekend? I would not pretend to be happy for her but I would say, you knew I was applying for that job and really wanted it.

TisButterSnacks · 17/09/2022 09:03

I would be gutted and back off the friendship. Stop opening up to her or sharing news. This weekend away sounds like a nightmare tbh! I couldn't do it.

DianaBarry5 · 17/09/2022 09:03

Well you obviously can't trust her now so the friendship is on a completely different footing. I'd feel the same as you definitely.